Fic: Hurtling Through (Deadpool/Doctor Who, PG, 1/5)
Title: Hurtling Through (or Five Fandoms Deadpool Never Ran Into)
Rating: PG
Fandoms: Deadpool (X-Men)/Doctor Who
Characters: Deadpool, the Ninth Doctor, cameo by the Judoon
Spoilers: None. Takes place pre-"Rose" for DW and in the Deadpool comicverse.
Summary: Deadpool meets a Time Lord, and that's just the beginning of his adventures...
Hi, kids! Deadpool, Merc-With-The-Mouth, here. So in this issue...
Wait a minute--this isn't a comic book! This is a-a-a...fanfiction!!! No, anything but that! I've been in these things before! They're horrible!! The authors make me do unclean things with their nauseatingly perfect fantasy-selves and worship the ground they walk on! It's degrading! Except that recently, the Ryan Reynolds version has gotten more fanfiction than me, which I guess is a good thing. So what do you want me to do, woman? (It's always a woman, except for that guy who wanted Movie!Deadpool to sleep with that green chick from the new Star Trek movie. I wanted that fic.)
You want me to talk? About what? How much I love you or something? Whatever I want? What's the catch? No catch? Come on, there's always a catch!
Look! Space Rhinos! That's something you don't see everyday...
Aw, man, I have to describe stuff. I miss comics...
Okay, I'm in an alley and these guys in helmets just came out of a spaceship. One of them took his helmet off, and he has a rhino's head. Now he's walking toward me with something, he's holding it up to my mouth and saying "Language Assimilated." Oh, no, I'm talking? What happened to my inner narration?
Wait--what's that sound? It sounds like an asthmatic elephant. Why does it sound familiar? It's the-the-the
The TARDIS. Awesome.
Now the rhino guys are crowded around the TARDIS. The door opens. A guy with a buzz cut, big blue eyes, a big nose, big ears, and a cool leather jacket steps out.
"Hey, you're not Tom Baker!" I shout. Everyone turns and looks at me. I get nervous.
*HACK! SLASH! THWACK!* I don't think I was supposed to do that. Great, now the creepy space rhinos are dead. I think that's bad.
"Uh-oh," I blurt out.
"That's an understatement. Now the Shadow Proclamation will be after you," Not-Tom-Baker says, rolling his eyes.
"What's that?"
"A posh name for police."
"I've outrun the police before. Lots of times."
"You can't outrun them."
"Can you?"
"Maybe."
I run into the TARDIS. "So, Doc, which regeneration are you?"
"The Ninth. And how did you know--"
"I used to be a big fan back in the day. But I don't have a laptop and I don't get cable (no pun intended), so I haven't seen your episodes yet."
"Episodes of what?"
"Your show, dude! Doctor Who! The longest running sci-fi series, well, ever!"
"Figures, I get a few fans, and...Just wondering, why do you wear that?"
I take my mask off. "This is why."
"Where'd you get those scars?"
"Cancer and a healing factor. Long story. So why are you so grumpy?"
"Long story."
This should be an interesting trip...