Ten Things I'd Want to Say But Never Will
1. List ten things you want to say to people but know you never will.
2. Don't say who they are.
3. Disable comments.
4. Never discuss it again.
1.You made me happier than anyone else and I'm sorry to have let that go. I said those words only to not risk hurting you, but now I know that no matter what, people will get hurt and I should've taken the risk. A mutual friend of ours told me never to get involved with anyone of our type because we're too emotionally dependant. In short, my lesson was, don't care, don't feel, don't try. That's probably wrong but, it seems right at the moment...so I'm going with it. I may seem I'm trying to avoid you but, I'm trying to spend more time with you.
2. Why phone somebody if you aren't going to bother speaking? You either choose to be ignorant, or you say the most inconsiderate, horrid things. You piss me off so much that I have to restrain myself from shouting down the phone at you and hanging up. I only remain your friend because of the memories of the good times and the hopes of some to come. You never think of my feelings and you complain of others ditch you and letting you down? You make arrangements without even consulting me, and you ditch me more times than I can count. Fuck you. Seriously.
3. I don't love you. I'm scared of you most of the time to be honest. If anything were to happen, I'd be scared of your attatchment to me and what consequences that would bring.
4. I'm shocked that you like me. I suppose you dropped hints but...I'm slow, huh? I don't know what I'm going to do though...I mean....this is kinda big, on both sides. I don't want to hurt you, but I don't want to rush into anything unprepared.
5. I hate you so much. You screwed me over and treat me like an incompetent, whiny, idiotic ditz. So I left. Big fucking deal; IT WASN'T EVERYTHING. It was a stupid dance club thing. You can bitch on about how I've hurt everyone there and how I've dishonoured God and how it wasn't fair to Cody. Well, YOU wouldn't let Cody quit cause you're an asshole; Isn't God meant to love everyone? Besides...I don't really care; and NOBODY there even REMEMBERS me. I tried talking to some of them: THEY THOUGHT I WAS A LIAR until I told them I knew EMMANUEL. Well, you can hold your pathetic grudge til you die.
6. I once dreamed about kissing you...and the next day you started hitting on me, so I freaked out. That's what was bothering me that day. You scared the shit out of me.
7. Everytime you asked what was on my mind, I lied. I didn't dare tell that I actually wanted to kiss you at that point, cause I feared creeping you out. Well, wanting to kiss you and how beautiful you looked...but yeah...
8. I fear letting you down everyday. I don't want you to see me as a failure and the thought of you thinking I am hurts me. I love you so much...I just want to be perfect for you but...when I see your disappointment, or your pain...I just want to curl up in a ball and die. Its in those moments, I don't feel worthy of life at all...
9. Thank you. You gave me something special and I'll treasure it always. It may have been shirt-lived, but at least we gave it a life it deserved. Truly, you made me happy in that time, loved, incredibly lucky. It meant more to me than I could ever have known.
10. The beginning of our friendship was a lie; You bullied me in the first 2 years after nursery when anyone else was around. Having said that, I forgave you almost as long ago...and you've been so loyal and caring since (save for a few indiscretions we can leave buried if you don't mind) I miss you dearly. I miss mornings when we'd walk to school together, when you'd have to wait cause I got ready so late XD. I miss being able to walk to your house and just spend time with you. Please, no matter what, remember me.
2. Don't say who they are.
3. Disable comments.
4. Never discuss it again.
1.You made me happier than anyone else and I'm sorry to have let that go. I said those words only to not risk hurting you, but now I know that no matter what, people will get hurt and I should've taken the risk. A mutual friend of ours told me never to get involved with anyone of our type because we're too emotionally dependant. In short, my lesson was, don't care, don't feel, don't try. That's probably wrong but, it seems right at the moment...so I'm going with it. I may seem I'm trying to avoid you but, I'm trying to spend more time with you.
2. Why phone somebody if you aren't going to bother speaking? You either choose to be ignorant, or you say the most inconsiderate, horrid things. You piss me off so much that I have to restrain myself from shouting down the phone at you and hanging up. I only remain your friend because of the memories of the good times and the hopes of some to come. You never think of my feelings and you complain of others ditch you and letting you down? You make arrangements without even consulting me, and you ditch me more times than I can count. Fuck you. Seriously.
3. I don't love you. I'm scared of you most of the time to be honest. If anything were to happen, I'd be scared of your attatchment to me and what consequences that would bring.
4. I'm shocked that you like me. I suppose you dropped hints but...I'm slow, huh? I don't know what I'm going to do though...I mean....this is kinda big, on both sides. I don't want to hurt you, but I don't want to rush into anything unprepared.
5. I hate you so much. You screwed me over and treat me like an incompetent, whiny, idiotic ditz. So I left. Big fucking deal; IT WASN'T EVERYTHING. It was a stupid dance club thing. You can bitch on about how I've hurt everyone there and how I've dishonoured God and how it wasn't fair to Cody. Well, YOU wouldn't let Cody quit cause you're an asshole; Isn't God meant to love everyone? Besides...I don't really care; and NOBODY there even REMEMBERS me. I tried talking to some of them: THEY THOUGHT I WAS A LIAR until I told them I knew EMMANUEL. Well, you can hold your pathetic grudge til you die.
6. I once dreamed about kissing you...and the next day you started hitting on me, so I freaked out. That's what was bothering me that day. You scared the shit out of me.
7. Everytime you asked what was on my mind, I lied. I didn't dare tell that I actually wanted to kiss you at that point, cause I feared creeping you out. Well, wanting to kiss you and how beautiful you looked...but yeah...
8. I fear letting you down everyday. I don't want you to see me as a failure and the thought of you thinking I am hurts me. I love you so much...I just want to be perfect for you but...when I see your disappointment, or your pain...I just want to curl up in a ball and die. Its in those moments, I don't feel worthy of life at all...
9. Thank you. You gave me something special and I'll treasure it always. It may have been shirt-lived, but at least we gave it a life it deserved. Truly, you made me happy in that time, loved, incredibly lucky. It meant more to me than I could ever have known.
10. The beginning of our friendship was a lie; You bullied me in the first 2 years after nursery when anyone else was around. Having said that, I forgave you almost as long ago...and you've been so loyal and caring since (save for a few indiscretions we can leave buried if you don't mind) I miss you dearly. I miss mornings when we'd walk to school together, when you'd have to wait cause I got ready so late XD. I miss being able to walk to your house and just spend time with you. Please, no matter what, remember me.