ongoing thoughts from RaceFail 2009
There are continuing consequences of the whole discussion of cultural appropriation, racism, white privilege, and the fact that many people acted like complete and utter jackasses, and some continue to do so.
Seriously, people, I am calling you on it: jackasses. Especially you, willshetterly. You're being a double dumbass jackass, and I don't like it.
Knock it the fuck out, already.
Okay, that off my chest, I can actually address some of the things I've been thinking since various portions of RaceFail 2009 went down.
First, the whole part that dealt with the Nielsen Haydens:
My god, what an utter train wreck.
The facts that I've met Patrick and Teresa, was their student, that I've followed Making Light for years now (although not much since RaceFail--I just can't muster much desire to go there right now), and that I have found them on the whole to be people of integrity and good faith, are really what have kept me from losing all of my considerable respect for them. I read Patrick's comment that sparked the conflagration at burned down Chicago, and while I was reading it, I kept thinking, oh, shit... I know he doesn't mean that in a racist way at all, but in that context, read by anyone who isn't familiar with him... christ yiminy, he's gonna look like a racist motherfuck. And then it went downhill from there, with lots of indignation and spluttering on the part of lots of people, when really, the only thing that was going to cover Patrick's ass was going to be for him and others to stop saying the equivalent of "What foot? What do you mean I'm stepping on it? Don't be so stupid. Your foot is purely imaginary and no, I'm not wearing hob-nailed boots, I'm wearing cleats. Why do you keep crying out in pain like that every time I jump up and down?" and explain a bit. Even knowing that he didn't mean it that way, I had a hard time with what he said, and then with what he didn't.
And Teresa... like many people, I deeply respect Teresa. She's usually on the side of the angels, you know? Smart, snarky angels. So when she was so obstinately blind--and that's what it read as, even though I know there was a LOT of hurt working out there--as to the way her words read, even to some of her perfectly reasonable friends and colleagues (like kate_nepveu), as a threat... well, that was hard. She handled it very badly, for perfectly human, understandable,and valid reasons. Those reasons do not change the fact that she still handled it badly. (I mean, has she even admitted that her words were problematic?)
I honestly think that if this had happened last year, before I applied to Viable Paradise, I would not have applied, and would have discouraged others from doing so.
It's not that I lost stars from my eyes with it: I lost a measure of respect. Enough of it that it's still something that's bothering me, that keeps me from going over and reading Making Light like I used to, that prompts me to write this. I mean, I still respect Patrick and Teresa--they've done a lot of brilliant work that's made a huge impact on our field and community, and that has made a huge difference to me--but damn, I'm disappointed.
Then there's what prompted the whole mess: matociquala's post stepping into the breach knowing that it was certain to get ugly, the comments and defensiveness--by others, mind you, emphatically not by Bear--and how that spread elsewhere. On the whole, I think Bear handled herself with a great deal of grace and the human minimum of missteps. No one was going to be able to handle the phosphorus grenade well, but she did a good job, I think, and she emerged from it with my respect intact. (Yes, that pinnacle of achievement all humanity longs to achieve: my respect. End snark.) And no, my opinion is not overly colored by the fact of my huge fanboy crush on Bear. Even correcting for that bias, I still think she handled it pretty well.
Folks like coffeeem pulling rank just pissed me the fuck off. Seriously. You know better. And you should have known how it was gonna come across, because really, you live in this society, don't you? And never mind that I respect the hell out of coffeeem's ability to write a good story, that shit just pissed me off. Not as much as the stuff willshetterly continues to pull, but hell, I don't expect better from him.
And mac_stone? medievalist? What the hell? The imbroglio on your parts was really painful to read, both because of some of what you wrote and because what you were going through. (Also, where did you go? I liked having you around, but you left. Your prerogative, naturally, but I have no idea why. You're missed.)
This whole thing, this discussion of race and racism, particularly in this field of speculative fiction, is difficult. But it's necessary.
God knows I don't get any outs of it, being brown. Mind you, I love being my particular kind of brown and wouldn't change it for anything, but jesus fuck, people, it ain't easy reading and writing in the genre when most of the stuff that gets play doesn't feature people like you, and no one likes to talk about that, and why can't I just write about elves or aliens or whatever, instead of making a big deal about having characters who come in different cultures and colors from medievaloid northern/western European?
Fuck that. I'm not assimilated and I don't see why my characters have to be, either.
You know, all of the major POV characters in The First Hour of Night are culturally/racially mixed. The whole lot of them. In societies that may or may not have issues with that, and varying ones. And that's because that intersect of cultures and identities is the reality that's interesting to me, and what I like to play with as a writer. I live in the overlap in the Venn diagram, and that's what I love to write about. I didn't set out to make my characters that way to make some political point; they're that way because that's part of how I interact with our society and I'm having a conversation here, even if I'm holding forth with myself in order to have it.
I'm not unused to being either the only or one of the few people of color in a room or a discussion about speculative fiction (or a lot of other things, really). The numbers are what they are, and even though they are changing--rapidly, and how!--the SF world still strongly defaults to white. And not only white, but straight white male. And not only straight white male, but often socially maladroit straight white male. And out of those defaults, I'm only one of them (that would be male, and not socially maladroit, thank you), which still puts me ahead of my female compatriots.
So I get to examine and deconstruct privilege on a daily basis, thanks, and no, I don't always want to take the opportunity for a teachable moment. It gets tiresome to have to teach all the time. Mind you, I'm still going to do it when I can, but criminy, I am going to get surly about it sometimes. Picking up slack is not fun.
There were only three visible minority students in my VP class. Out of 28. I wasn't surprised, but like I said--the SF world still defaults to white.
I'm working on that. One little subversion, one little conversion at a time.
Edited to add, on 5 March 2009, around 5:35pm:
Oh, dear. matociquala, Bear, I love you, but this IS NOT HELPING.
Here is why.
And bossymarmalade--you are made of awesome. Thank you.
Seriously, people, I am calling you on it: jackasses. Especially you, willshetterly. You're being a double dumbass jackass, and I don't like it.
Knock it the fuck out, already.
Okay, that off my chest, I can actually address some of the things I've been thinking since various portions of RaceFail 2009 went down.
First, the whole part that dealt with the Nielsen Haydens:
My god, what an utter train wreck.
The facts that I've met Patrick and Teresa, was their student, that I've followed Making Light for years now (although not much since RaceFail--I just can't muster much desire to go there right now), and that I have found them on the whole to be people of integrity and good faith, are really what have kept me from losing all of my considerable respect for them. I read Patrick's comment that sparked the conflagration at burned down Chicago, and while I was reading it, I kept thinking, oh, shit... I know he doesn't mean that in a racist way at all, but in that context, read by anyone who isn't familiar with him... christ yiminy, he's gonna look like a racist motherfuck. And then it went downhill from there, with lots of indignation and spluttering on the part of lots of people, when really, the only thing that was going to cover Patrick's ass was going to be for him and others to stop saying the equivalent of "What foot? What do you mean I'm stepping on it? Don't be so stupid. Your foot is purely imaginary and no, I'm not wearing hob-nailed boots, I'm wearing cleats. Why do you keep crying out in pain like that every time I jump up and down?" and explain a bit. Even knowing that he didn't mean it that way, I had a hard time with what he said, and then with what he didn't.
And Teresa... like many people, I deeply respect Teresa. She's usually on the side of the angels, you know? Smart, snarky angels. So when she was so obstinately blind--and that's what it read as, even though I know there was a LOT of hurt working out there--as to the way her words read, even to some of her perfectly reasonable friends and colleagues (like kate_nepveu), as a threat... well, that was hard. She handled it very badly, for perfectly human, understandable,and valid reasons. Those reasons do not change the fact that she still handled it badly. (I mean, has she even admitted that her words were problematic?)
I honestly think that if this had happened last year, before I applied to Viable Paradise, I would not have applied, and would have discouraged others from doing so.
It's not that I lost stars from my eyes with it: I lost a measure of respect. Enough of it that it's still something that's bothering me, that keeps me from going over and reading Making Light like I used to, that prompts me to write this. I mean, I still respect Patrick and Teresa--they've done a lot of brilliant work that's made a huge impact on our field and community, and that has made a huge difference to me--but damn, I'm disappointed.
Then there's what prompted the whole mess: matociquala's post stepping into the breach knowing that it was certain to get ugly, the comments and defensiveness--by others, mind you, emphatically not by Bear--and how that spread elsewhere. On the whole, I think Bear handled herself with a great deal of grace and the human minimum of missteps. No one was going to be able to handle the phosphorus grenade well, but she did a good job, I think, and she emerged from it with my respect intact. (Yes, that pinnacle of achievement all humanity longs to achieve: my respect. End snark.) And no, my opinion is not overly colored by the fact of my huge fanboy crush on Bear. Even correcting for that bias, I still think she handled it pretty well.
Folks like coffeeem pulling rank just pissed me the fuck off. Seriously. You know better. And you should have known how it was gonna come across, because really, you live in this society, don't you? And never mind that I respect the hell out of coffeeem's ability to write a good story, that shit just pissed me off. Not as much as the stuff willshetterly continues to pull, but hell, I don't expect better from him.
And mac_stone? medievalist? What the hell? The imbroglio on your parts was really painful to read, both because of some of what you wrote and because what you were going through. (Also, where did you go? I liked having you around, but you left. Your prerogative, naturally, but I have no idea why. You're missed.)
This whole thing, this discussion of race and racism, particularly in this field of speculative fiction, is difficult. But it's necessary.
God knows I don't get any outs of it, being brown. Mind you, I love being my particular kind of brown and wouldn't change it for anything, but jesus fuck, people, it ain't easy reading and writing in the genre when most of the stuff that gets play doesn't feature people like you, and no one likes to talk about that, and why can't I just write about elves or aliens or whatever, instead of making a big deal about having characters who come in different cultures and colors from medievaloid northern/western European?
Fuck that. I'm not assimilated and I don't see why my characters have to be, either.
You know, all of the major POV characters in The First Hour of Night are culturally/racially mixed. The whole lot of them. In societies that may or may not have issues with that, and varying ones. And that's because that intersect of cultures and identities is the reality that's interesting to me, and what I like to play with as a writer. I live in the overlap in the Venn diagram, and that's what I love to write about. I didn't set out to make my characters that way to make some political point; they're that way because that's part of how I interact with our society and I'm having a conversation here, even if I'm holding forth with myself in order to have it.
I'm not unused to being either the only or one of the few people of color in a room or a discussion about speculative fiction (or a lot of other things, really). The numbers are what they are, and even though they are changing--rapidly, and how!--the SF world still strongly defaults to white. And not only white, but straight white male. And not only straight white male, but often socially maladroit straight white male. And out of those defaults, I'm only one of them (that would be male, and not socially maladroit, thank you), which still puts me ahead of my female compatriots.
So I get to examine and deconstruct privilege on a daily basis, thanks, and no, I don't always want to take the opportunity for a teachable moment. It gets tiresome to have to teach all the time. Mind you, I'm still going to do it when I can, but criminy, I am going to get surly about it sometimes. Picking up slack is not fun.
There were only three visible minority students in my VP class. Out of 28. I wasn't surprised, but like I said--the SF world still defaults to white.
I'm working on that. One little subversion, one little conversion at a time.
Edited to add, on 5 March 2009, around 5:35pm:
Oh, dear. matociquala, Bear, I love you, but this IS NOT HELPING.
Here is why.
And bossymarmalade--you are made of awesome. Thank you.