May 12th 2010
Everything is perfect with life at the moment EXCEPT that I can't seem to break into the health industry. I guess I knew it was unrealistic, but I kind of wanted to send in one resume, have an interview, get instantly hired, fit my life perfectly and live happily ever after.
Whatever, I'll get my foot in the door eventually, I just have to be patient and persistent. Even if employers might not know it yet, I know that *I* am super awesome for the job. Eventually I will get my chance to prove my worth and I will crush them all with my professionalism and dedicated work ethics.
I sort of don't know what I should do in the meantime though. I will work 3.5 days a week at the pub on average, which leaves 3-4 days off. I could use a couple days off but that still leaves another couple open so obviously I want to do something with it other than dick around at home so maybe a part time job would be ideal. It can't be full-time work and it can't be anything that continues on a regular shift after September so that basically limits me to shit jobs... BUT, the work can't be so shit that it's actually more worth it to just stay at home and just not spend the same amount of money I would be making... unless the job is something that would look good on my resume, in which case it's suddenly tremendously worth it OR the work is so casual and close to home that it doesn't even matter if I am there or not in which case it'll be just a nice thing to do (like store attendant or something). I know... what a picky guy, first bitching about how he can't get employed and at the same time being all choosy about what kind of jobs he exactly wants but, interestingly enough, that is the kind of situation I am finding myself in.
I'll saturate the resume pool in all the casual on-call care-aide work pool there is in the lower mainland and then maybe get a cute coffee house job to do for yucks. If not, I can just spend ZERO money and devote two days of the week to workout and try to look as beautiful as possible ha haby that I mean, locking myself in my house and play Red Dead Redemptions while subsisting on ramen bowls.
Actually, I am just a huge whiner, I have no problems in life, the stuff I just talked about? They aren't real problems, they are like nothing. I shouldn't offend people with real serious problems by pretending my life is somehow misaligned.
SPEAKING of things that somehow produce stress as if it was a tragedy but it's completely not, I've recently survived another major battle with my mother over her wanting to give me the Yaletown apartment to me. We fight over it quite a bit and it really puts us both in a terrible mood but lately things on that front have been fairly smooth. I've even got the chance to show her my apartment which was nice. She thought it was absolute shit and she was like so sad that I was living in such squalor (I don't think so) but it seemed to have assured her somewhat nonetheless. So currently, I at least have a moratorium on the subject until September and all is well, for now anyways.
All's well I guess but I still can't believe what a fucked up situation it all is. Sometimes I ask myself, am I actually fighting with my mother because she wants to give me a 400000 dollar downtown property? And is my mother crying and staying up at nights because his son is refusing to leech off her fortunes? And at the same time, now I am dealing with another dilemma because... the deal is getting like TOO good. She's already kicked my sister out of the apartment with the explicit statement of "you can't live here anymore because I want to give it to your brother", and offered complete privacy including offering her set of keys to the house to me so I can completely control who comes and goes AND also offered to sign my name in as co-owner in the deed. She also wants me to live there free and...... I don't even know. Am I crazy? She is practically begging me to live in luxury and for some strange reason I guess maybe only a mother would know, it would make her tremendously happy. In the beginning it reeked of alterior motives, but I'm not sensing that now.
So I don't know, it's definately tempting, and it is a huge finantial oppertunity, and it would mean that come September I wouldn't have to work seven days a week again but it is at a compromise to my sense of independance. I don't even really mean the petty incarnations of independance like, controlling who visits when and arranaging my living space however I want to. Now it's more of, would assistance from the family make me a weaker individual? Or is it the opposite? I don't know. There are certainly examples on both ends of the spectrum, I mean I've seen some cosmically spoilt kids who are basically borderline retards but I've also seen people who just can't bloom because they are too busy staying above the poverty line. Besides, people routinely get help from their parents all the time, whether by knowledge, connections, wealth or any combination of the three. Why would I deny what other people take so freely when it's offered to me so strongly and I mean, it's not like I didn't do my part in propping up the family fortunes. The sucky ones may lap it up and continue to be total retards but the smart one use the oppertunity to do well in life in benefit for him/herself and the family. But then ug, I don't know the retards... I never want to be 'that' guy. Or maybe I don't want the burden of being helped out because that would mean I would have to accomplish more and I am just being lazy. If I am living out my own life as is, any moderate gains can be considered an achievement given the circumstances, but if I was being directly supported by someone, it would mean that I would have to do far more impressive things to consider it an achievement, which often involves more effort and competition. So maybe there is a lingering element of laziness in my hesitation, maybe I like having excuses not to go out there and try to achieve.
Ug, I don't know, I don't even know why I am thinking so hard about this. In one end I don't want things to change but in the other hand I don't want to continue to fight with my mother over this either. Perhaps I've toiled enough and proven to myself that I can deal with it, but maybe I haven't. I am so indecisive, I don't even know how I ever get anything done.
But, at least I don't have real problems. I've defeated them all long ago.
Whatever, I'll get my foot in the door eventually, I just have to be patient and persistent. Even if employers might not know it yet, I know that *I* am super awesome for the job. Eventually I will get my chance to prove my worth and I will crush them all with my professionalism and dedicated work ethics.
I sort of don't know what I should do in the meantime though. I will work 3.5 days a week at the pub on average, which leaves 3-4 days off. I could use a couple days off but that still leaves another couple open so obviously I want to do something with it other than dick around at home so maybe a part time job would be ideal. It can't be full-time work and it can't be anything that continues on a regular shift after September so that basically limits me to shit jobs... BUT, the work can't be so shit that it's actually more worth it to just stay at home and just not spend the same amount of money I would be making... unless the job is something that would look good on my resume, in which case it's suddenly tremendously worth it OR the work is so casual and close to home that it doesn't even matter if I am there or not in which case it'll be just a nice thing to do (like store attendant or something). I know... what a picky guy, first bitching about how he can't get employed and at the same time being all choosy about what kind of jobs he exactly wants but, interestingly enough, that is the kind of situation I am finding myself in.
I'll saturate the resume pool in all the casual on-call care-aide work pool there is in the lower mainland and then maybe get a cute coffee house job to do for yucks. If not, I can just spend ZERO money and devote two days of the week to workout and try to look as beautiful as possible ha haby that I mean, locking myself in my house and play Red Dead Redemptions while subsisting on ramen bowls.
Actually, I am just a huge whiner, I have no problems in life, the stuff I just talked about? They aren't real problems, they are like nothing. I shouldn't offend people with real serious problems by pretending my life is somehow misaligned.
SPEAKING of things that somehow produce stress as if it was a tragedy but it's completely not, I've recently survived another major battle with my mother over her wanting to give me the Yaletown apartment to me. We fight over it quite a bit and it really puts us both in a terrible mood but lately things on that front have been fairly smooth. I've even got the chance to show her my apartment which was nice. She thought it was absolute shit and she was like so sad that I was living in such squalor (I don't think so) but it seemed to have assured her somewhat nonetheless. So currently, I at least have a moratorium on the subject until September and all is well, for now anyways.
All's well I guess but I still can't believe what a fucked up situation it all is. Sometimes I ask myself, am I actually fighting with my mother because she wants to give me a 400000 dollar downtown property? And is my mother crying and staying up at nights because his son is refusing to leech off her fortunes? And at the same time, now I am dealing with another dilemma because... the deal is getting like TOO good. She's already kicked my sister out of the apartment with the explicit statement of "you can't live here anymore because I want to give it to your brother", and offered complete privacy including offering her set of keys to the house to me so I can completely control who comes and goes AND also offered to sign my name in as co-owner in the deed. She also wants me to live there free and...... I don't even know. Am I crazy? She is practically begging me to live in luxury and for some strange reason I guess maybe only a mother would know, it would make her tremendously happy. In the beginning it reeked of alterior motives, but I'm not sensing that now.
So I don't know, it's definately tempting, and it is a huge finantial oppertunity, and it would mean that come September I wouldn't have to work seven days a week again but it is at a compromise to my sense of independance. I don't even really mean the petty incarnations of independance like, controlling who visits when and arranaging my living space however I want to. Now it's more of, would assistance from the family make me a weaker individual? Or is it the opposite? I don't know. There are certainly examples on both ends of the spectrum, I mean I've seen some cosmically spoilt kids who are basically borderline retards but I've also seen people who just can't bloom because they are too busy staying above the poverty line. Besides, people routinely get help from their parents all the time, whether by knowledge, connections, wealth or any combination of the three. Why would I deny what other people take so freely when it's offered to me so strongly and I mean, it's not like I didn't do my part in propping up the family fortunes. The sucky ones may lap it up and continue to be total retards but the smart one use the oppertunity to do well in life in benefit for him/herself and the family. But then ug, I don't know the retards... I never want to be 'that' guy. Or maybe I don't want the burden of being helped out because that would mean I would have to accomplish more and I am just being lazy. If I am living out my own life as is, any moderate gains can be considered an achievement given the circumstances, but if I was being directly supported by someone, it would mean that I would have to do far more impressive things to consider it an achievement, which often involves more effort and competition. So maybe there is a lingering element of laziness in my hesitation, maybe I like having excuses not to go out there and try to achieve.
Ug, I don't know, I don't even know why I am thinking so hard about this. In one end I don't want things to change but in the other hand I don't want to continue to fight with my mother over this either. Perhaps I've toiled enough and proven to myself that I can deal with it, but maybe I haven't. I am so indecisive, I don't even know how I ever get anything done.
But, at least I don't have real problems. I've defeated them all long ago.