Oh, the horror...the horror!
Once, when I was on choir tour in college, we stopped at a place like Wal-Mart or somesuch, and, wanting something to read, I perused their book section. I settled upon a horror novel titled "Waltz With Evil". This was the first time I'd read a really bad novel. I think of the book occasionally and it lifts my spirits to know that I, too, may one day be published, if that thing could be.
If bad horror novels are possible, it stands to reason that bad horror films are also possible. I thought that I had seen some of these. At the recommendation of a friend of mine, I rented "Phantasm". My favorite part was the giant rubber fly flying around the kitchen. At one point, many years ago, I decided to start watching all of the film adaptations of Stephen King novels. There are some stinkers out there.
I recently rented, via Netflix, a film called "Basket Case". A bad, low-budget film halfway between horror and comedy, it still managed to hold my interest. So when we got a bunch of new DVD's in at work, I snatched up two of them (at $3.98 each) which looked like they might be good/bad horror films. I figured, at that price, what could I lose?
Well, my sanity for one thing. Nothing could have prepared me for "Mutant Man" and "Ancient Evil: The Scream of the Mummy". The first concerned a family of canibalistic hillbillies in the backwoods of Louisiana who lure unsuspecting idiots into their home to feast on them - and to feed them to their brother who is apparently supposed to be the son of Satan. I could have shot this film myself, with my mini-DV camcorder. The man of the title was sort of like Jethro Clampett with bad teeth and a ratty wig. One of the actors seemed to be trying to impersonate Jerry Lewis, badly. The two police officers who show up out of the blue are like no police I've ever seen, wearing jeans and having their uniform shirts opened loosely to reveal their tank tops underneath. (They don't keep the shirts on for long, which was one of the only saving graces of this film). The mummy movie had slightly (very slightly) better production values, although it still looked as if it were filmed with a camcorder. The end credits said that it was filmed on location in Mexico, so the producer must have known someone who owns a house in Mexico. The entire set was someone's house which, for a house, was very nice, but it didn't much resemble a research facility or museum, or whatever it was supposed to be. The office of the professor had some lovely vine-print border on the walls and is, I'm guessing, someone's bedroom. The room that the mummy was being displayed in had a beautiful fireplace and is probably the living or dining room. The swimming pool in the central courtyard (of the "museum", mind you) was especially nice. I might like to vacation here sometime. The mummy himself was a bit scarier than the mutant man of the former film, but not by much. All of the guys in this picture were absolutely adorable, which is apparently this director's hallmark. So I need to rent (not BUY) more of his stuff. Simply for the eye-candy. I wonder if he's looking for scripts? I could adapt "Waltz With Evil"...
If bad horror novels are possible, it stands to reason that bad horror films are also possible. I thought that I had seen some of these. At the recommendation of a friend of mine, I rented "Phantasm". My favorite part was the giant rubber fly flying around the kitchen. At one point, many years ago, I decided to start watching all of the film adaptations of Stephen King novels. There are some stinkers out there.
I recently rented, via Netflix, a film called "Basket Case". A bad, low-budget film halfway between horror and comedy, it still managed to hold my interest. So when we got a bunch of new DVD's in at work, I snatched up two of them (at $3.98 each) which looked like they might be good/bad horror films. I figured, at that price, what could I lose?
Well, my sanity for one thing. Nothing could have prepared me for "Mutant Man" and "Ancient Evil: The Scream of the Mummy". The first concerned a family of canibalistic hillbillies in the backwoods of Louisiana who lure unsuspecting idiots into their home to feast on them - and to feed them to their brother who is apparently supposed to be the son of Satan. I could have shot this film myself, with my mini-DV camcorder. The man of the title was sort of like Jethro Clampett with bad teeth and a ratty wig. One of the actors seemed to be trying to impersonate Jerry Lewis, badly. The two police officers who show up out of the blue are like no police I've ever seen, wearing jeans and having their uniform shirts opened loosely to reveal their tank tops underneath. (They don't keep the shirts on for long, which was one of the only saving graces of this film). The mummy movie had slightly (very slightly) better production values, although it still looked as if it were filmed with a camcorder. The end credits said that it was filmed on location in Mexico, so the producer must have known someone who owns a house in Mexico. The entire set was someone's house which, for a house, was very nice, but it didn't much resemble a research facility or museum, or whatever it was supposed to be. The office of the professor had some lovely vine-print border on the walls and is, I'm guessing, someone's bedroom. The room that the mummy was being displayed in had a beautiful fireplace and is probably the living or dining room. The swimming pool in the central courtyard (of the "museum", mind you) was especially nice. I might like to vacation here sometime. The mummy himself was a bit scarier than the mutant man of the former film, but not by much. All of the guys in this picture were absolutely adorable, which is apparently this director's hallmark. So I need to rent (not BUY) more of his stuff. Simply for the eye-candy. I wonder if he's looking for scripts? I could adapt "Waltz With Evil"...