(no subject)
I finally stood up for myself.
And I'm really happy about it.
For the first time in a while,
I feel like I can respect myself again.
I can't wait until tomorrow,
when I can see my parents,
and tell them what I did.
I know they're going to be so proud.
Of course it's hard to tell him,
to get out of my life and to stick
to my convictions. I'm not sure
that I've ever done anything harder.
But I hope I don't let up,
I hope I don't give in.
I want to be able to depend on myself,
to defend myself, to support myself.
Passionate love is intense,
but it's all about ups and downs,
about playing around, about
inconsistency, and it's scary.
It's a mind game, it's a childish game,
It's about your heart burning, beating,
breaking out of your chest just from
catching their eye unexpectedly.
It is too much. It was too much.
But now it's over, and it's a feeling
I don't think I ever want again.
I have so many guys on my back,
it's such a new, awkward feeling.
I don't like it at all, is that selfish?
all I do is act like myself.
I'm looking forward to break.
I'm going to rest, I'm going to work out,
I'm going to get toned, I'm going to
have an awesome Christmas, I'm
going to maybe get a job, I'm going
to love my family and friends to the
best of my ability, I'm going to play
lots of video games, I'm going to
eat right, I'm going to sleep right,
I'm going to own my own life again.
This is good. Life is good.
A little bit of heartache, is not
going to get me down. All I have
is this one last final, and I'm good.