(no subject)
Although I'm pretty certain I'm losing my mind through a tyranny and rioting of my emotions, at least I'm feeling something.
There's never been a time in my life that I can remember having such severe and unpredictable mood swings as what I have been experiencing so far this year. It's not just a once-a-month thing anymore. Maybe this is normal for women in their early 20's. I hope so. Wait...since when do I hope to be normal?
Here's how I feel. You know when you go on a really strenuous hike and your entire body feels as if it's burning and your lungs are shredding with each consecutive breath, and so you look ahead and promise yourself that if you can just get to x spot ahead, you can have a break. You push and push and push yourself until you are on the verge of tears until you finally reach the spot where you promptly collapse onto the ground. The break is indescribably wonderful. However, you know that you just have to keep repeating this cycle over and over again. Until you die. I feel that I just break my life up into series of stopping points, some more alleviating than others, but all are what I strive for. This is so terrible. I've never ever wanted to live my life just so I can get to the place or time where I can rest from it. But now...I see no redeeming reason for this climb. I'm just trying to get to the bench 10 yards ahead. In this case, Thanksgiving break. Cause then I can relax. When did I make my life so pointless?
There's never been a time in my life that I can remember having such severe and unpredictable mood swings as what I have been experiencing so far this year. It's not just a once-a-month thing anymore. Maybe this is normal for women in their early 20's. I hope so. Wait...since when do I hope to be normal?
Here's how I feel. You know when you go on a really strenuous hike and your entire body feels as if it's burning and your lungs are shredding with each consecutive breath, and so you look ahead and promise yourself that if you can just get to x spot ahead, you can have a break. You push and push and push yourself until you are on the verge of tears until you finally reach the spot where you promptly collapse onto the ground. The break is indescribably wonderful. However, you know that you just have to keep repeating this cycle over and over again. Until you die. I feel that I just break my life up into series of stopping points, some more alleviating than others, but all are what I strive for. This is so terrible. I've never ever wanted to live my life just so I can get to the place or time where I can rest from it. But now...I see no redeeming reason for this climb. I'm just trying to get to the bench 10 yards ahead. In this case, Thanksgiving break. Cause then I can relax. When did I make my life so pointless?