[smapfic] with a little help from my friends
because i got the idea while i was studying for finals and then wrote it off as too cracky, and now i don't know what i'm doing but i wanted to cheer Lalalee up a little bit, altough this might be more ridiculous than it is funny. it's ubeta'd and i can't be bothered about mistakes, so take it or leave it.
no cucumbers were harmed in the production of this... piece of writing.
with a little help from my friends
Nakai finds him when the others are not around and Goro already knows something is going on from the look on Nakai’s face, like he doesn’t really want to be there, and he is blowing air at his fringe a little too much.
“Goro. You suck cock, right?”
Now that is a weird opening of a conversation even as far as their history of conversation is concerned. Goro is much more amused than he should probably admit.
“Usually people start with hello. How are you.”
“Don’t... Just answer,” Nakai sounds almost begging and Goro knows he could torture him for a while but somehow he doesn’t feel like it.
“If by that enigmatic question you meant to ask if I engage in oral sex with the guys I’m seeing then yes, I do. Has your curiosity been satisfied?”
Nakai shakes his head.
“Teach me.”
Goro thanks god he’s been sipping his coffee for quite a while now and it’s no longer hot because it would definitely burn him when he drops the paper cup onto his lap. Nothing saves his pants, though, his light grey pants, and the damage is of quite some proportion and he curses. Twice.
“Look what you’ve done!” he scolds Nakai as he reaches for the tissues to rub at the stains that won’t go away. Nakai indeed looks, slightly taken aback.
“I haven’t done anything,” he says.
“Didn’t you just ask me to teach you to suck cock?” Goro still rubs as he thinks maybe he just heard it wrong.
“I did,” Nakai says.
“Then you’ve done enough.” Goro sighs. “Okay, what is this about? A joke?”
“I wish it were a joke,” Nakai mumbles and something about it rings genuine enough for Goro to believe. It means that: one, there is a cock Nakai wants to suck, and two, maybe it’s just that Goro is the only person Nakai can ask about this, but Goro likes to think that Nakai trusts him that much; but most importantly, there is a cock Nakai wants to suck.
Goro beams.
“Who is it?”
“What?”
“The guy you want to blow. Who is it?” He doesn’t honestly believe Nakai will tell him, but the alarmed look of Nakai’s face is worth asking.
“What do you care?” Nakai pushes his hands into his pockets and flicks his hair. “Actually, forget it. I don’t even know why I thought it’d be a good idea to ask you...” He turns on his heel and heads for the door. Goro is left between a coffee stain on his lap and a very awkward band mate that needs his help, and he is lost for a moment.
“Wait,” he says when Nakai is about to leave. “Come back here.”
Nakai does. It’s hard to tell which one of them is more surprised.
Goro finally lets go of his pants and faces Nakai properly. Even if he didn’t see the flush on his cheeks and the way Nakai’s gaze travels all over the room to avoid him and how his hands tighten into fists in his pockets, Goro would know how embarrassed Nakai is anyway with such a talk. He can only imagine it’s a Matter of Great Importance.
“Well,” he says thoughtfully as he crosses his legs. “You’ve been sucked before, right? You should have the general idea.”
Nakai just rolls his eyes.
“I wasn’t exactly paying attention to the technique, you know.”
“Why do you think it’s something you need to be taught? It’s not some kind of competition or...” He trails off when Nakai looks up sharply like maybe for him it is a competition. “Just... go with the flow, you know. You’ll get the gist.”
Nakai’s face turns slightly redder, but he’s not going to take this crap of advice.
“Spare me the bullshit and tell me something useful,” he demands.
If Goro knows one person that obsessively prepares beforehand and memorises scripts for talks and has at least three different back-up plans for any plan that could go wrong in his head, that guy is standing right before him. He shouldn’t find it all that odd that Nakai follows the same path in his private life. For a moment he’s glad he’s not the object of Nakai’s desire - or whatever it is that’s driving him.
“Okay,” he decides. “Bring me a cucumber.”
“Eh?”
“You don’t expect me to demonstrate on an actual penis, do you?”
Nakai still looks unsure about it, like maybe Goro is just fucking with him, but it’s not like he’ll know unless he tries, and besides he’s really determined here.
“Give me fifteen minutes.”
He comes back in ten, with an armful of cucumbers and Goro wonders if he stole them from the set of Bistro, but it’s not like he actually cares. Nakai drops the cucumbers on the table and raises his eyebrow in expectation.
Goro sighs and his sigh sounds dangerously like you’re-such-a-pain, but Nakai lets it pass because Goro takes a cucumber. He rubs it with his sleeve until it’s shiny and Nakai might be imagining things, but he thinks he just saw Goro catching his own reflection in the shiny green skin. He wonders for a moment if it’s already part of the lesson.
“So,” Goro starts, waving the cucumber around and Nakai figures out that no, it’s not yet. “There’s really many things you can do to a... cucumber.” He holds it in his fist in front of his face and contemplates it shortly. “Like, you can start with licking. It’s easy.”
He looks up to Nakai, but Nakai is still staring at him like he’s waiting, so Goro sighs again and licks a strip from where he is holding the cucumber up the length of it. He lingers with his tongue at the tip, then flicks experimentally, and swirls his tongue around it.
“Then you can...” his words become mumble when he takes it into his mouth. He thinks he’s doing pretty good, considering the prop he’s working with is green and kind of cold, and he really has to exert his imagination to make this any sort of believable, but then Nakai makes a choked sound and Goro thinks he’s laughing.
He spits the cucumber out.
“Just try to think it’s the real thing, it’ll look less ridiculous...”
“That’s exactly what I’m thinking,” Nakai says and the look on his face is strange, because he is staring at his band mate blowing a cucumber and how wouldn’t that be strange, even if he’s the one who started the whole thing, but the most unnerving part about it is the feeling that hits him rather low. He’s trying to imagine and he’s trying not to imagine at the same time, when Goro takes half of the cucumber in again, his head moving and Nakai tries to concentrate on the way Goro’s cheeks hollow out, but he doesn’t feel any wiser.
“I can’t see what you’re doing,” he protests weakly after a while.
“I can’t explain and demonstrate at the same time, can I?” Goro points out the obvious. “You try.” He points at Nakai with the cucumber, green and shiny with saliva, then seems to consider and puts it away. He takes a fresh one from the pile on the table and gives it to Nakai. “Is the size alright?”
Nakai pushes it away and chooses a somewhat smaller one. Goro rules out Shingo as Nakai’s potential interest.
“Well...”
“You probably shouldn’t talk to it,” Goro tries to be helpful. Nakai glares at him.
“I know! It’s just, it’s a cucumber, alright?”
Nakai is still staring at it and Goro is searching for more encouraging words he could give.
“As long as you don’t leave teeth marks on it, you’re doing fine...”
“Are you sure you really know about this?” Nakai points the cucumber at him with sudden suspicion.
Goro shrugs and sinks into his chair, resigned and slightly offended. “Maybe you should’ve asked Kimura-kun. Would you trust his blowing skills more?”
He doesn’t get the sudden change in the air until something like a warm wave of flush-faced breeze of emotional turmoil hits him and Goro turns to face Nakai’s hips, Nakai’s hands resting on them (cucumber still in a white-knuckled fist) like he’s defensive, Goro doesn’t know against what.
“What exactly do you know about Kimura’s blowing skills?”
Goro grins because he has information that’s potentially secret and potentially destructive to Nakai’s world-view.
“He’s the one that came up with the cucumber thing. He was practicing for a week before...”
The next thing Goro knows is a green hard phallic object that hits him on the head, and a bang of the door that follows soon after and when Goro is massaging the spot on his forehead that is bound to bruise, Nakai is already gone.
He doesn’t put two and two together until the camera rehearsal later on, to which both Nakai and Kimura come late, Kimura a walking grin, the sides of his open shirt floating in the air behind him, and Nakai passes Goro and in a muffled voice promises to buy him dinner.
Goro thinks that it’s Kimura who should buy him dinner, and prays to all the gods they don’t decide to try penetrative sex anytime soon. (Cucumbers are really not his kink.)
xxx
no cucumbers were harmed in the production of this... piece of writing.
with a little help from my friends
Nakai finds him when the others are not around and Goro already knows something is going on from the look on Nakai’s face, like he doesn’t really want to be there, and he is blowing air at his fringe a little too much.
“Goro. You suck cock, right?”
Now that is a weird opening of a conversation even as far as their history of conversation is concerned. Goro is much more amused than he should probably admit.
“Usually people start with hello. How are you.”
“Don’t... Just answer,” Nakai sounds almost begging and Goro knows he could torture him for a while but somehow he doesn’t feel like it.
“If by that enigmatic question you meant to ask if I engage in oral sex with the guys I’m seeing then yes, I do. Has your curiosity been satisfied?”
Nakai shakes his head.
“Teach me.”
Goro thanks god he’s been sipping his coffee for quite a while now and it’s no longer hot because it would definitely burn him when he drops the paper cup onto his lap. Nothing saves his pants, though, his light grey pants, and the damage is of quite some proportion and he curses. Twice.
“Look what you’ve done!” he scolds Nakai as he reaches for the tissues to rub at the stains that won’t go away. Nakai indeed looks, slightly taken aback.
“I haven’t done anything,” he says.
“Didn’t you just ask me to teach you to suck cock?” Goro still rubs as he thinks maybe he just heard it wrong.
“I did,” Nakai says.
“Then you’ve done enough.” Goro sighs. “Okay, what is this about? A joke?”
“I wish it were a joke,” Nakai mumbles and something about it rings genuine enough for Goro to believe. It means that: one, there is a cock Nakai wants to suck, and two, maybe it’s just that Goro is the only person Nakai can ask about this, but Goro likes to think that Nakai trusts him that much; but most importantly, there is a cock Nakai wants to suck.
Goro beams.
“Who is it?”
“What?”
“The guy you want to blow. Who is it?” He doesn’t honestly believe Nakai will tell him, but the alarmed look of Nakai’s face is worth asking.
“What do you care?” Nakai pushes his hands into his pockets and flicks his hair. “Actually, forget it. I don’t even know why I thought it’d be a good idea to ask you...” He turns on his heel and heads for the door. Goro is left between a coffee stain on his lap and a very awkward band mate that needs his help, and he is lost for a moment.
“Wait,” he says when Nakai is about to leave. “Come back here.”
Nakai does. It’s hard to tell which one of them is more surprised.
Goro finally lets go of his pants and faces Nakai properly. Even if he didn’t see the flush on his cheeks and the way Nakai’s gaze travels all over the room to avoid him and how his hands tighten into fists in his pockets, Goro would know how embarrassed Nakai is anyway with such a talk. He can only imagine it’s a Matter of Great Importance.
“Well,” he says thoughtfully as he crosses his legs. “You’ve been sucked before, right? You should have the general idea.”
Nakai just rolls his eyes.
“I wasn’t exactly paying attention to the technique, you know.”
“Why do you think it’s something you need to be taught? It’s not some kind of competition or...” He trails off when Nakai looks up sharply like maybe for him it is a competition. “Just... go with the flow, you know. You’ll get the gist.”
Nakai’s face turns slightly redder, but he’s not going to take this crap of advice.
“Spare me the bullshit and tell me something useful,” he demands.
If Goro knows one person that obsessively prepares beforehand and memorises scripts for talks and has at least three different back-up plans for any plan that could go wrong in his head, that guy is standing right before him. He shouldn’t find it all that odd that Nakai follows the same path in his private life. For a moment he’s glad he’s not the object of Nakai’s desire - or whatever it is that’s driving him.
“Okay,” he decides. “Bring me a cucumber.”
“Eh?”
“You don’t expect me to demonstrate on an actual penis, do you?”
Nakai still looks unsure about it, like maybe Goro is just fucking with him, but it’s not like he’ll know unless he tries, and besides he’s really determined here.
“Give me fifteen minutes.”
He comes back in ten, with an armful of cucumbers and Goro wonders if he stole them from the set of Bistro, but it’s not like he actually cares. Nakai drops the cucumbers on the table and raises his eyebrow in expectation.
Goro sighs and his sigh sounds dangerously like you’re-such-a-pain, but Nakai lets it pass because Goro takes a cucumber. He rubs it with his sleeve until it’s shiny and Nakai might be imagining things, but he thinks he just saw Goro catching his own reflection in the shiny green skin. He wonders for a moment if it’s already part of the lesson.
“So,” Goro starts, waving the cucumber around and Nakai figures out that no, it’s not yet. “There’s really many things you can do to a... cucumber.” He holds it in his fist in front of his face and contemplates it shortly. “Like, you can start with licking. It’s easy.”
He looks up to Nakai, but Nakai is still staring at him like he’s waiting, so Goro sighs again and licks a strip from where he is holding the cucumber up the length of it. He lingers with his tongue at the tip, then flicks experimentally, and swirls his tongue around it.
“Then you can...” his words become mumble when he takes it into his mouth. He thinks he’s doing pretty good, considering the prop he’s working with is green and kind of cold, and he really has to exert his imagination to make this any sort of believable, but then Nakai makes a choked sound and Goro thinks he’s laughing.
He spits the cucumber out.
“Just try to think it’s the real thing, it’ll look less ridiculous...”
“That’s exactly what I’m thinking,” Nakai says and the look on his face is strange, because he is staring at his band mate blowing a cucumber and how wouldn’t that be strange, even if he’s the one who started the whole thing, but the most unnerving part about it is the feeling that hits him rather low. He’s trying to imagine and he’s trying not to imagine at the same time, when Goro takes half of the cucumber in again, his head moving and Nakai tries to concentrate on the way Goro’s cheeks hollow out, but he doesn’t feel any wiser.
“I can’t see what you’re doing,” he protests weakly after a while.
“I can’t explain and demonstrate at the same time, can I?” Goro points out the obvious. “You try.” He points at Nakai with the cucumber, green and shiny with saliva, then seems to consider and puts it away. He takes a fresh one from the pile on the table and gives it to Nakai. “Is the size alright?”
Nakai pushes it away and chooses a somewhat smaller one. Goro rules out Shingo as Nakai’s potential interest.
“Well...”
“You probably shouldn’t talk to it,” Goro tries to be helpful. Nakai glares at him.
“I know! It’s just, it’s a cucumber, alright?”
Nakai is still staring at it and Goro is searching for more encouraging words he could give.
“As long as you don’t leave teeth marks on it, you’re doing fine...”
“Are you sure you really know about this?” Nakai points the cucumber at him with sudden suspicion.
Goro shrugs and sinks into his chair, resigned and slightly offended. “Maybe you should’ve asked Kimura-kun. Would you trust his blowing skills more?”
He doesn’t get the sudden change in the air until something like a warm wave of flush-faced breeze of emotional turmoil hits him and Goro turns to face Nakai’s hips, Nakai’s hands resting on them (cucumber still in a white-knuckled fist) like he’s defensive, Goro doesn’t know against what.
“What exactly do you know about Kimura’s blowing skills?”
Goro grins because he has information that’s potentially secret and potentially destructive to Nakai’s world-view.
“He’s the one that came up with the cucumber thing. He was practicing for a week before...”
The next thing Goro knows is a green hard phallic object that hits him on the head, and a bang of the door that follows soon after and when Goro is massaging the spot on his forehead that is bound to bruise, Nakai is already gone.
He doesn’t put two and two together until the camera rehearsal later on, to which both Nakai and Kimura come late, Kimura a walking grin, the sides of his open shirt floating in the air behind him, and Nakai passes Goro and in a muffled voice promises to buy him dinner.
Goro thinks that it’s Kimura who should buy him dinner, and prays to all the gods they don’t decide to try penetrative sex anytime soon. (Cucumbers are really not his kink.)
xxx