-april.fools-
It stuns me how suddenly things change. Only, you see, there is no such thing as 'sudden', there is only shrouding deceit and masking lies. Secrets are kept for the comfort of the uncomfortable because the that deranged individual is suffering from being a pathetic, weak human being (or else thinks that of you--believing you can't take it when, in reality, they can't).
I once thought that betrayal was the worst of all feelings, but more precisely it's the feeling of being erased. The feeling that the lines have changed, and you're now outside. To them, the picture would be prettier without your stray color. They want you gone. Further, it's the feeling that you are so repulsive in some way that your feelings are not even worth the five seconds of vulnerability it would require on the part of the third party to just confess their lack of care. A lie, in a round-about way. It is somehow a better option in the mind of this skewed individual to just play a distant, passive role until you give up. To summarize/allegorize one of my favorite movies, they take you off payroll (stop initiating contact; break plans without fail, apology, or even recognition for weeks on end) and just leave the situation to 'work itself out' (act like NOTHING IS THE MATTER!). Lumberg fucked her.
Well, fuck you. Fuck you and fuck your kind. You only hurt me and I won't let it happen again. I, among a blackened field of former life, will be planted anew. I won't ever feel so innocently again. That is something you and so many others love to take from me. I mean it this time. Fuck it this time.
Today is the first ray of sunshine that penetrates the cloud formed by my burning fields; today is the last day I will ever entertain a second thought about you and yours; today is the last day I will ever care for anyone but myself. It isn't worth it for a split-second and it hasn't been for years. No good has ever come from me investing trust and care. I've thrown in the towel for a long time. I give up like never before.
* * * * *
I'm sick, I'm miserable, and I recently realized that every sacrifice I have ever made only disappointed the intended beneficiary and destroyed a piece of my psyche. I'm really confused right now. Pull the damn trigger.
.s
-no.one.got.loved.here,so.i.cry.alone-
-help.me-
I once thought that betrayal was the worst of all feelings, but more precisely it's the feeling of being erased. The feeling that the lines have changed, and you're now outside. To them, the picture would be prettier without your stray color. They want you gone. Further, it's the feeling that you are so repulsive in some way that your feelings are not even worth the five seconds of vulnerability it would require on the part of the third party to just confess their lack of care. A lie, in a round-about way. It is somehow a better option in the mind of this skewed individual to just play a distant, passive role until you give up. To summarize/allegorize one of my favorite movies, they take you off payroll (stop initiating contact; break plans without fail, apology, or even recognition for weeks on end) and just leave the situation to 'work itself out' (act like NOTHING IS THE MATTER!). Lumberg fucked her.
Well, fuck you. Fuck you and fuck your kind. You only hurt me and I won't let it happen again. I, among a blackened field of former life, will be planted anew. I won't ever feel so innocently again. That is something you and so many others love to take from me. I mean it this time. Fuck it this time.
Today is the first ray of sunshine that penetrates the cloud formed by my burning fields; today is the last day I will ever entertain a second thought about you and yours; today is the last day I will ever care for anyone but myself. It isn't worth it for a split-second and it hasn't been for years. No good has ever come from me investing trust and care. I've thrown in the towel for a long time. I give up like never before.
* * * * *
I'm sick, I'm miserable, and I recently realized that every sacrifice I have ever made only disappointed the intended beneficiary and destroyed a piece of my psyche. I'm really confused right now. Pull the damn trigger.
.s
-no.one.got.loved.here,so.i.cry.alone-
-help.me-