Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same
I've made two very large stands in the last two weeks. Two life altering stands. Two stands that are perhaps the most impractical things I've done in my entire life. Two stands that caused me to look deep inside myself and fight for what I believe to be right.
This year I've learned how to take things. How to stand by and watch as I get pushed around. I've learned how to be quiet and not let every little thing get to me. How to swallow my pride.
But I've also learned how close that takes me to the edge. How close it takes me to breaking, completely. How close it takes me to abandoning my ideals and just doing what is easy. I've never done what is easy before. If anything, I've always fought, too much, for everything I believe to be right. I'm stubborn, and obstinate and entirely convinced that I'm right.
But I've broken that this year. I've learn to bend and to compromise; I've learned to let the tide run over me, leaving me wet, but virtually unscathed with physical damage.
But the emotional damage of not standing up for myself is indescribable. I don't ever want to lose that idealism and that fight for what's right. That defines the very essence of who I am. Regardless of the consequences, I have to fight for what I believe in, because, if I don't, how can I ever truly respect myself and how can others respect me?
Its a difficult path, a path that is hard to tread. It is a path that I'm not sure that I have the courage to walk, but a path that I cannot ignore.
And I hope that one day I will be rewarded for fighting for who I am.
This year I've learned how to take things. How to stand by and watch as I get pushed around. I've learned how to be quiet and not let every little thing get to me. How to swallow my pride.
But I've also learned how close that takes me to the edge. How close it takes me to breaking, completely. How close it takes me to abandoning my ideals and just doing what is easy. I've never done what is easy before. If anything, I've always fought, too much, for everything I believe to be right. I'm stubborn, and obstinate and entirely convinced that I'm right.
But I've broken that this year. I've learn to bend and to compromise; I've learned to let the tide run over me, leaving me wet, but virtually unscathed with physical damage.
But the emotional damage of not standing up for myself is indescribable. I don't ever want to lose that idealism and that fight for what's right. That defines the very essence of who I am. Regardless of the consequences, I have to fight for what I believe in, because, if I don't, how can I ever truly respect myself and how can others respect me?
Its a difficult path, a path that is hard to tread. It is a path that I'm not sure that I have the courage to walk, but a path that I cannot ignore.
And I hope that one day I will be rewarded for fighting for who I am.