my b day
today is my birthday
i sit here waiting
crying
hoping
dieing
looking
wondering
why?
why today of all days do i bother to look for some kind of happiness within myself and my loved ones?
mom mother is away camping with her new boyfriend
my brother is away with his friends
my HUSBAND is asleep in our bed where i left him as not to wake him with my crying
and all i can think about is non of these things
i am not happy because my husband tried to do soemthing for my birthday and i fucked it up therefore making him unhappy when in all reality all i wanted for my birthday was for him to be happy. we are broke but the people around us are taking care of
WHY?
because i put others ahead of myself and i will continue to do so for as long as i live
i know there are things that i need to change i could learn to say NO but how
there is loud screaming from the apartment below ours and all i can think is i wonder if they mean it or are they just playing and having fun they do not sound angry and there are lots of voices some talking some yelling most just singing with the radio
how can i explain the things in my head when half the time i think they were put there by someone else for someone else they are not my thoughts my feelings my hopes my dreams they are not mine
I want what he wants i do what he wants i am what he wants how do i become what i want
what do i want
WHY?
can't i know
i sit here waiting
crying
hoping
dieing
looking
wondering
why?
why today of all days do i bother to look for some kind of happiness within myself and my loved ones?
mom mother is away camping with her new boyfriend
my brother is away with his friends
my HUSBAND is asleep in our bed where i left him as not to wake him with my crying
and all i can think about is non of these things
i am not happy because my husband tried to do soemthing for my birthday and i fucked it up therefore making him unhappy when in all reality all i wanted for my birthday was for him to be happy. we are broke but the people around us are taking care of
WHY?
because i put others ahead of myself and i will continue to do so for as long as i live
i know there are things that i need to change i could learn to say NO but how
there is loud screaming from the apartment below ours and all i can think is i wonder if they mean it or are they just playing and having fun they do not sound angry and there are lots of voices some talking some yelling most just singing with the radio
how can i explain the things in my head when half the time i think they were put there by someone else for someone else they are not my thoughts my feelings my hopes my dreams they are not mine
I want what he wants i do what he wants i am what he wants how do i become what i want
what do i want
WHY?
can't i know