open letters
I'm borrowing from Forrest a bit here, especially the bits about "corporate radio." Damn the man.
Dear leads at Wimpy's,
Do you think maybe when I'm scheduled to leave at 4pm, I could actually leave at 4pm, rather than 4:45pm? I know there was that one time where I got to leave at 3:15, but there have been like 4 other times when I got off 30-45 minutes late. Thanks.
Love,
Brett
Dear Blondie's theme song,
Life with you is not "fun" or "crazy." It does not make me go "ups-a-daisy." Your "what a family" is actually quite boring, not "incredible." And "Bumsteadable" isn't even a word, nor does it make any damn sense. On top of all that, you're annoying. If you could go longer than 3 minutes at a time before repeating yourself, that would be awesome. Thanks.
Love,
Brett
Dear Wimpy's milkshake machine,
I AM GOING TO MURDER YOU.
Love,
Brett
Dear John Williams,
Thank you for writing the wonderful music for "Jurassic Park." It keeps me company whenever I'm selling people four-dollar frozen drinks that they could buy at 7-11 for eighty cents. It doesn't even get old when I hear the same two themes over and over, all day long.
Love,
Brett
P.S. (Okay, I lied. It gets a little old.)
Dear the most ridiculous song on corporate radio,
"Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me" does not qualify as lyrics. At all. Seriously. Whoever you are, if you wrote that, you should be tarred and feathered, at least three times.
Love,
Brett
Dear radio station that plays that song,
I want my three minutes back, you heinous bastards.
Love,
Brett
Dear those responsible for the "UO Radio" that plays in the locker rooms,
You suck. You're not even a real radio station and you still play 99% pure, unadulterated crap. I think I heard Green Day's "Basket Case" once, but that was about it. Don't you understand? Universal Records does have good music. Case in point: The Mars Volta, Rush, Nine Inch Nails, U2 (actually, you'd probably just play their crappy new stuff, huh.), Thursday, Jimmy Eat World (okay, so you don't own "Clarity," but I'd settle for "Bleed American."), WEEZER (ooh, and Ringside, ha ha), Trail of Dead, Brian Setzer, Nirvana, Beck, Sparta, Whitesnake... need I go on? (Also I hear that The Velvet Underground and Sonic Youth are quite good.) There's enough good music to fill entire weeks, months, without repeating. (slight exaggeration). But seriously, I should NOT hear the same horrible songs every single effing day. That's just lazy.
-Brett
Dear Gwen Stefani,
What Forrest said.
-Brett
Oops, I'm out of mental energy. Maybe one of these days I will write more thoroughly about real-life things, but I like this mode as well. So.
-brett out
Dear leads at Wimpy's,
Do you think maybe when I'm scheduled to leave at 4pm, I could actually leave at 4pm, rather than 4:45pm? I know there was that one time where I got to leave at 3:15, but there have been like 4 other times when I got off 30-45 minutes late. Thanks.
Love,
Brett
Dear Blondie's theme song,
Life with you is not "fun" or "crazy." It does not make me go "ups-a-daisy." Your "what a family" is actually quite boring, not "incredible." And "Bumsteadable" isn't even a word, nor does it make any damn sense. On top of all that, you're annoying. If you could go longer than 3 minutes at a time before repeating yourself, that would be awesome. Thanks.
Love,
Brett
Dear Wimpy's milkshake machine,
I AM GOING TO MURDER YOU.
Love,
Brett
Dear John Williams,
Thank you for writing the wonderful music for "Jurassic Park." It keeps me company whenever I'm selling people four-dollar frozen drinks that they could buy at 7-11 for eighty cents. It doesn't even get old when I hear the same two themes over and over, all day long.
Love,
Brett
P.S. (Okay, I lied. It gets a little old.)
Dear the most ridiculous song on corporate radio,
"Don't you wish your girlfriend was hot like me" does not qualify as lyrics. At all. Seriously. Whoever you are, if you wrote that, you should be tarred and feathered, at least three times.
Love,
Brett
Dear radio station that plays that song,
I want my three minutes back, you heinous bastards.
Love,
Brett
Dear those responsible for the "UO Radio" that plays in the locker rooms,
You suck. You're not even a real radio station and you still play 99% pure, unadulterated crap. I think I heard Green Day's "Basket Case" once, but that was about it. Don't you understand? Universal Records does have good music. Case in point: The Mars Volta, Rush, Nine Inch Nails, U2 (actually, you'd probably just play their crappy new stuff, huh.), Thursday, Jimmy Eat World (okay, so you don't own "Clarity," but I'd settle for "Bleed American."), WEEZER (ooh, and Ringside, ha ha), Trail of Dead, Brian Setzer, Nirvana, Beck, Sparta, Whitesnake... need I go on? (Also I hear that The Velvet Underground and Sonic Youth are quite good.) There's enough good music to fill entire weeks, months, without repeating. (slight exaggeration). But seriously, I should NOT hear the same horrible songs every single effing day. That's just lazy.
-Brett
Dear Gwen Stefani,
What Forrest said.
-Brett
Oops, I'm out of mental energy. Maybe one of these days I will write more thoroughly about real-life things, but I like this mode as well. So.
-brett out