Frailty of life
Rico and I have had multiple conversations about how one's perspective changes once someone close to us passes away. It is a hard reality to accept and an even harder leap of understanding to logic through continuing on with life despite their absence.
As I finish my last week of my first rotation of residency, I am forced to reflect on this aspect and discern about the true frailty of life. Yesterday, I met a patient who is a 19 year old young lady whose pregnancy use at 36 weeks gestation. As it turns out, a quad screen revealed a trisomy 18 for the fetus. And 5 days prior to day of admission, patient reports decreased fetal movements. After coming in, an ultrasound confirmed a lack of heart beat and a further nonviable fetus. Pt's labor was then induced for labor and after approximately 45 minutes of pushing, patient delivered a beautiful little girl with 0/0 apgars. The sadness in the room was palpable. It was easier to contain my emotions when I forced myself to be problem focused on the mom and delivery of the placenta. It was easier but it wasn't easy. Her wails and sobs werent the only sound in the room. The MfM doc and a 4th year med student delivered the baby while I was simply around for stand by support. The patient was on epidural anesthesia, and at one point she felt the baby's head between her legs which further triggered her emotions.
Personally, it was easier to handle being problem focused, but once I glanced over to the iPhone and the room who's breaking down and crying, I felt quite a great despair as well. It was even harder seeing him because of his emotions. Consoling the father did not allow me to focus on medically indicated problem. Instead I had to focus on comforting his spirit and his sadness.
At one point photographs are taken with the baby and both mother and father. And since the father was crying, and he handed me the baby. The baby was about 5 pounds and 6ounces. And her face was quite at peace. I had to bite back the tears before and they started to flow.
The worst part about the experience, is that immediately after the delivery I had to continue going to work. There were patients on the floor that needed to be seen , orders that needed to be put in, and triage patients that needed to be assessed. There is not even a moment to decompress.
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It seems that life has a sense of irony, because despite that horrible experience, juxtaposed to it was extremely happy one. Colby and Heather welcomed baby Connor into the world at around 245 pm.
Lovingly named Baby Jafar, he is a perfect blend of his two parents.
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Last night I underwent quite the roller coaster of emotions, trying to reconcile these two at the same time.
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Today I received devastating news that my
Good friend's father passed away from a massive heart attack very suddenly a week after his 57th birthday. He did not have any symptoms prior to this. Thoughts and prayers are all I can give right now. I feel painfully Impotent for not being able to do more.
God, please bless and protect our loved ones. Thank you for our health and we pray that you watch over those who need your peace and healing.
Tomorrow will be better.
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