[Bleach] Setting Sun, Rising Moon (4/12)

[jaina]

Title: Setting Sun, Rising Moon (part 4 of 12)
Rating: PG-13 for this chapter
Word Count: 6,703
Summary: Half a century ago, Ichigo became a substitute shinigami while he was still alive. At the end of that life, it's time to become the real thing, but with death comes unexpected challenges-not the least of which is that presented by seeing Rukia again for the first time in years.

Chapter four: On difficult conversations, unsolicited advice and things that end.

Spoilers: Assumes knowledge of all characters and events leading up to the winter war, but as this takes place in the future, historical references are largely creative inventions.

Self-indulgent thanks to hallowd, who made the lovely fic-fitting icon.

To chapter one
To chapter two
To chapter three

Setting Sun, Rising Moon: Chapter 4

As much as Rukia respected and cared for her captain, she had to admit that being his vice-captain could be very difficult on days that Ukitake's sickness kept him bedridden. It wasn’t that she minded the extra work, of course. She was no slacker, and years of working with him had produced a system that made for an easy transition when she had to take up Captain Ukitake’s work. Occasionally, she wondered how her tenure as vice-captain could ever live up to Kaien-dono's, but in the end, her own abilities seemed to be enough. The captain was satisfied and the division ran efficiently. She really was happy to do whatever was required when the captain was ill. It was just that Sentaro and Kiyone were so loud when Ukitake was out.

“Puny girl! I’ll make MUCH better chicken broth for the captain!”

“Stupid oaf, this is my healing recipe! Get your own!”

Rukia pushed her chair back from her desk with a sigh. “I’m going to take this paperwork to the eighth.”

“Eh?” Sentaro looked up from where he was struggling to get out of Kiyone's headlock. “But Kuchiki-san, I was just going to do that after I delivered the broth to the captain!”

“Liar!” Kiyone released him, but stomped on his foot. “I was going to run Captain’s errand and take him his broth!”

“Never mind.” She waved a hand. "Both of you make some for him; I'm sure he'll appreciate the extra. I’ll take care of this. It’s not a problem.” She was tempted to use shunpo to escape but managed to restrict herself to a brisk walk, slowing only once she was out of earshot.

It still didn't take long to reach the eight division's main office, but maybe if she walked the long way back they would be done shouting at each other when she returned. “Captain Kyouraku, I have these forms for you-oh. Hello. I didn’t realize you would be here.”

“Hey.” Ichigo raised a hand in greeting.

"Rukia-san!” Kyouraku practically chortled. “Welcome, welcome. Kurosaki here is just visiting our division to learn everything he can. Yama-ji was so wise to send him to me.”

Rukia avoided looking at Ichigo’s reaction to that statement. “I’ve got something for you, sir,” she said. “Since Captain Ukitake is resting today.” She held out the sheaf of papers.

Kyouraku grimaced. “More paperwork. Of course he sends it to me now, when he’s not here for me to argue with about it.” He sighed dramatically. “I’ll just put these away. Kurosaki, you can join me in a few minutes after you’ve had a chance to chat with Rukia-chan.”

She hesitated. “Actually, sir, I need to-“

“See you later, Rukia-chan!” She blinked. Had he winked at her before sashaying away?

“Sorry,” Ichigo said, looking embarrassed. “If you need to be somewhere, feel free to take off.”

“That’s all right,” she said, taking a step closer to him. He was a friend; sparing a few minutes for conversation with him should be more important than paperwork. “I have nothing pressing. And I haven’t seen you recently. How is your orientation coming along?”

“Heh. That what they’re calling it?” he said. “It’s all right, I guess. The sixth year swordplay class likes taking me on all at once. It’s kinda fun.”

“I see.” She smiled politely. “And the others?”

"It’s been almost a week since I blew up anything in kidou. Anything I wasn’t supposed to, anyway.”

“Ichigo!” She couldn’t help but laugh. “I don’t know why that should surprise me. You've stormed the gates of heaven, but you can't use that power to master a few beginner's spells? It shouldn't be that difficult for someone of your power.”

“Well, they’re rushing me through all this!”

“I’m sure that’s the only reason.” She felt herself relax. Perhaps this would be easier than she’d anticipated. “You know, if you require outside assistance-“

“I can get a tutor, I know,” he said. “But how would that look for a captain? They don’t make Kenpachi take kidou class, you know." He made a face at the mental image, then slipped into a grin. "But it’s okay. Hinamori’s helping me out.”

“…oh. That’s good,” she said. “Hinamori is...very good at kidou.”

“She helped me stop the explosions,” he said. “And if we’re going to run a division we need to get along. Might as well start now.”

“I suppose that’s true,” she said, not sure what else to say. Hinamori was a master at kidou and it was good that he'd begun forging a relationship with his future vice-captain, but there was something discomforting about Ichigo relying on another shinigami's guidance, even if it had been decades since she herself had been his mentor.

“Speaking of which,” he said. “Isn’t there something you’re not telling me?”

Despite herself, Rukia felt her heartbeat speed up. “Oh?”

“Yeah 'oh.' I wanted to ask-while we're talking about vice-captains, why did you never tell me you were one?”

He looked-almost hurt. Confused. “It did not seem relevant.”

“Bullshit,” he scoffed. “It had to be a big deal. It took how long just to get your brother to stop hovering and let you be seated?”

She glared. “He had his reasons,” she snapped. "And he allowed my abilities to be judged fairly years ago. My promotion to vice-captain was not a sudden occurrence."

“You know what I mean,” he said. “Even if I was getting pretty decrepit these last couple years, I still would’ve liked to hear about it. You could have stopped by.”

“It has been longer than that.” She looked away.

“Ah,” he said. “So you could’ve said something and you just didn’t?”

What had they even spoken of on the occasions she’d gone to the living world these last few decades? How his family was. What Hollows she had fought. Meaningless things. “I didn’t think it mattered to you.”

He was quiet for a long moment, watching her with disbelieving eyes. She couldn't read his full expression-was he angry that she'd think such a thing? Or was it just surprise?-but his fists were clenched tightly and he held himself oddly still. Rukia found herself stiffening in anticipation of possible angry words, at the same time feeling she might welcome them.

“Well, congratulations,” he said at last. “You earned it.”

“Thank you,” she said, not sure what else to say or where to look. “I should get back to my division.”

“Yeah, of course,” he nodded. “Uh-take care.”

She sighed as she left the offices, not feeling any better now that she was away from his gaze. “Stupid,” she muttered.

Small talk. It shouldn't be that difficult, and maybe it wouldn’t be...if Ichigo didn't have the ability to look at her and make her feel like he could see right through her, even after all this time.

She made her way back to the thirteenth division offices slowly, by a roundabout route that took her near the headquarters of the ninth. Somehow, she wasn’t surprised when Renji came around the corner to meet her. “Yo.”

"Hello." She nodded at him. "Shouldn’t you be busy working, Captain Abarai?”

“As busy as you, Vice-Captain Kuchiki.” He shrugged. “Felt you coming. Needed a break. I can let you go if you gotta be somewhere.”

“Not really.” She shook her head. “Sentaro and Kiyone should have things taken care of.”

“Uh huh.” He leaned against the wall. “How you doing? You’ve been pretty busy lately-”

“Captain Ukitake has been sick-“

"-almost like you’re making yourself busy so you won’t have much free time."

“And by that you mean what, precisely?” She could’ve left, but there was no point in evading Renji when he was determined to talk about something.

He shrugged again and took a spot beside her. “Seen Ichigo lately?”

“Yes.” She narrowed her eyes. “Just now, in fact.”

“I figured," he said, not sounding happy to be right. More like resigned. "The way you look.”

“And what is that supposed to mean?” Renji wasn't even looking at her.

He sighed. “You should talk to him, Rukia.”

“About what?”

“You know what.”

She winced. “We have had this conversation already, Renji.”

“I know, I know.” He held up his hands. “I’m just saying.”

“You know how I feel about it.”

“I do. Better than you do, I think,” he said, a note of frustration in his voice. “Look, I don’t want to stick my nose in. It ain’t exactly easy for me! I just don’t like seeing you unhappy.”

“I know,” she said. “But I’m fine. And it’s not something you should trouble yourself over.”

He looked skeptical. “If you say so. Anyway, Rangiku was here earlier. She wanted me to remind you if I saw you that you promised not to miss the Women's Association meeting tonight.”

She bit back a curse. “I don’t suppose I have a choice about this, do I?”

“Probably not.” He shook his head. “You know her. She’ll drag you if she has to. I dunno what it is you do at these things that make 'em so important.”

“If I told you, Matsumoto would kill me,” she said. “Or you. Or both of us. In any case, I should return to finish my work since I won’t be able to stay late tonight. I’ll see you later.”

Even though she’d long since grown used to the Shinigami Women’s Association meetings, they were hardly her favorite thing and in truth, she probably would have forgotten without Renji’s reminder-which Matsumoto no doubt knew. She also had to know that, once reminded, Rukia’s sense of responsibility would not allow her to skip the meeting. Rukia really hated that about herself sometimes.

And so it came to pass that she found herself entering the room they used for their meetings at the same time as Yukino Tanabe, vice-captain of the 7th these past three years.

“Rukia-san!” The younger woman grinned at her. “Ready for the meeting?”

“Hello, Tanabe-san,” she said. “I suppose.”

“I am,” Tanabe said. “I have a few things I want to bring up. I’m so glad we have these meetings, aren’t you?”

“They can certainly be handy,” Rukia said carefully, trying not to reveal her reluctance to even be there. Despite the woman's distinguished record as a shinigami and her prowess with a blade, Tanabe sometimes struck Rukia as being still young and impressionable. She also seemed to look up to Rukia as a role model, having started out in the thirteenth; something Rukia wished she could discourage. “Why don’t we find our seats?” she suggested.

Soon they were all assembled, with Nanao officiating, despite Yachiru’s technical role of president. Rukia paid little attention through the reading of the previous meeting’s minutes (approved), Vice-Captain Kusajishi’s request for an increase in the candy budget for the annual year-end party (denied) and the other usual opening nonsense. It wasn’t until Nanao’s listing of the final item on the agenda that sat up and began to listen.

“And now there’s the matter of Captain-Elect Kurosaki’s induction party, which is to take place immediately following-“

“What?” Rukia looked up. “His what?”

Nanao pushed her glasses up her nose in a gesture of annoyance at the disruption of her routine. “His party,” she said. “It’s traditional after a captain’s induction. Surely you haven’t forgotten.”

“Ah,” she said. “No...no, I haven’t.” She hadn’t, but she also hadn’t given it much-any-thought. “But why are we planning it?”

“We’re not,” Nanao replied. “At least, not the whole thing. But Captain Kyoraku expressed interest in taking charge, and-well, I just thought it would be better that we create a plan to present to him so he does not offer his own.”

"I have to agree," piped up Isane. "No disrespect to the captain intended, of course, but on some nights I can still feel the effects of the last party he planned."

Rukia smiled for a moment, despite her own wince-inducing memories of the night in question. "Yes, I see your point."

"Indeed." Nanao checked something off on the sheet she held. "I suppose we'll just arrange for the standard festivities, then?"

"Whatever," Soi Fong said, looking bored.

"Let's not make it too dull," Matsumoto protested. "It's supposed to be a party. It has to have some life." Kiyone nodded enthusiastically.

"I suppose you have suggestions, then?" Nanao said.

Yachiru kicked her feet back and forth in her chair. "Ken-chan says every good party has a good fight."

"I don't think that would be appropriate," Isane said, looking doubtful. "And Captain Unohana wouldn't be able to enjoy herself if she were on duty."

"Well, what's he like?" Tanabe asked. "Rukia-san, you know, don't you?"

"Me?" Rukia blinked, caught off guard for the second time. "I..."

"You know him the best, don't you? That's what they say." She rested her chin in her hands. "To tell the truth, I'm terribly curious. To become a captain so soon-that's just incredible."

Rukia looked at the younger vice-captain and wondered what she had heard. She had only been a student at the Academy during the time of Aizen's war and hadn't been in any of the battles, much less been privy to the details. After so many years, she supposed it only made sense that the events that had taken place, and Ichigo's role in them, had become rumor and legend among the shinigami who could only gossip and speculate instead of reminisce.

"It is," she said quietly. "Incredible."

"So what is he like?" Tanabe persisted. "What kind of party would he want?"

"Well..." Rukia flailed for words. What could she say? That the last party she had attended with Ichigo had been a living world hospital staff party during his residency, one they'd left early in favor of his bed because she was due back in Soul Society in a matter of hours? "I don't really know."

"Really? But I was told you fought quite closely beside him during the war. They used to tell stories. Back in the academy, they said he slew a hundred hollows with just one attack." She turned pink. "Though I'm certain that was exaggerated. Still-I've really wanted to meet him, but he hasn't been to our division yet."

"Rumors generally do become inflated with time," Rukia said. "And I'm sure he'll make his scheduled visit soon."

"I hope so." Tanabe grinned. "Is it true he never smiles and only scowls harder after a victory?"

"Er…not…not exactly true..." It wasn't; but the details of his rare, non-battle-maddened smiles and the way they made her stomach do flips were not something she wished to share.

"Oh?"

"Oh, you know, Yukino-chan," Matsumoto interrupted loudly. "The young heroic types are all false modesty and solemn faces. Just like my captain. But get some drink in them and they'll loosen up fine! We just need some good sake at the new captain's party."

"But not too much, Matsumoto," Nanao said sternly.

"You always say that, Nanao, and I always change your mind."

"I should hardly think-"

Rukia let out a breath and let the ensuing argument wash over her. It wasn’t Tanabe's fault, she reminded herself. She hadn’t been around in those days, so it was normal for her to be curious. The same upheaval would likely occur when the other human veterans of the war came to Soul Society. And Rukia had known Ichigo better than anyone. Who else would the girl question?

“Rukia-san?” Kiyone touched her arms as everyone stood and began to filter out. Her sister stood beside her. “Would you like to join Isane and me for a drink? There’s a quiet bar in west second she’s been wanting to try.”

She hid a smile at the association of Kiyone with anything involving the word 'quiet.' “Thank you, but I’m feeling rather tired tonight,” she said. “Another time, perhaps?”

The sisters exchanged a glance. “All right,” Kiyone said. “See you in the morning, then!”

Rukia made sure she was the last person to leave-easier to avoid well-meaning people who wouldn't understand her sudden desire for solitude. So it was only through iron self-control that she didn’t jump when a voice came out of the shadows. “Ne, Rukia, you all right?”

She whipped around to see Matsumoto. How did the woman blend in with the scenery so well, with her stature? Perhaps it had something to do with how she always seemed to know the current gossip before anyone else. “I am well,” she managed. “I thought after the meeting you’d be out with-"

“Nah,” Matsumoto cut her off. “Well, maybe later. The night is young! But I wanted to make sure you were okay first.”

“I appreciate the concern, but why wouldn’t I be?”

Rangiku smirked. “Don’t hand me that. Yukino might be too green to realize, but I’m not,” she said. “It’s okay to be rattled by seeing an ex. Trust me. I know.”

She ducked her head. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She was startled when the other vice-captain responded by clapping an arm around her shoulders and dragging her away.

“Ha! If you can say that with a straight face, it just means you haven’t had enough to drink,” she said. “And don’t hand me that 'tired' crap.”

Rukia stumbled, trying not to match the sudden change in pace. “If you’re looking for a drinking partner, I’m sure Captain Kyouraku would oblige-“

“No way! This is about female solidarity.” Matsumoto paused. “Not that you have to talk to me. But you should at least talk to someone if you want to avoid more awkward moments. Tonight won't be the last time someone asks you about him."

Rukia opened her mouth to respond, then sighed and closed it. Once upon a time, she’d thought Matsumoto to be little more than another party hound-as if the Gotei Thirteen didn’t have enough of them already. Since getting to know her better, though, she’d learned that the woman’s sharp insight could cut. “It doesn’t matter. I will just have to...adjust.”

“Uh huh. Why?”

“Because I cannot expect anyone else to do it for me,” she said stiffly.

“No, no.” Matsumoto shook her head. “Why do I know so many stupid people who insist on being stoic all the time? There are simpler options, you know. You could just tell him you still have feelings for him.”

She stopped dead. “I...no. I cannot.”

“Because you don’t have them? Or because you don’t want to?”

“Why do I know so many people interested in telling me how to run my relationships?” she muttered.

“Just giving some friendly advice!” Matsumoto beamed. “You can’t fool me. Besides, you owe me for jumping in and getting Vice-Captain Nosy off your back.”

“Ah. So that was intentional.”

“Of course it was. I know you Kuchiki like to keep your walls up, but Rukia, we could all see it on your face. Would it really be so bad to at least talk to him?”

She hesitated. “It has been too long,” she said at last. “So much has happened to both of us. I may not even know who he is anymore.”

“What better time to learn?”

For a moment, she was tempted. After all this time, she could still recall with crystal clarity how he’d once looked at her. To think of him looking at her that way again…

But how could she possibly expect he would? Ichigo’s life had changed in far greater ways than hers had.

Matsumoto must have seen something in her face. “You don’t have to run into his arms declaring your undying love. Just talk to him. At the very least, you might find a way to be friends again without dancing around each other like a pair of nervous virgins,” she urged. “If he’s an ass, you can always hit him.”

Rukia laughed, and if there was a touch of bitterness in it, she chose to ignore it. "I suppose that has been rather useful for him in the past."

“It works more often than you’d think.”

“Still...I shouldn’t burden him with my feelings,” she hedged.

Matsumoto shoved her gently. “When it’s someone you care about, they aren’t a burden,” she said. “And everybody knows he really cared for you. Just try talking to him.”

“I...maybe,” she said. “Maybe I could.”

Matsumoto cheered. “Go, Rukia! Get your man!”

She shook her head. “Thank you, Matsumoto,” she said. “Of all people, you shouldn’t need to concern yourself with this.”

“If it gets someone else laid, I’m happy to do what I can,” she replied, grinning. “And we’re friends. Now go!”

Rukia felt somewhat lighter on her feet as she headed toward Ichigo’s quarters. No matter what Matsumoto said, she was not going to-to proposition Ichigo. She had too much dignity for that. But even if it was impossible to regain what they’d once had-if they could just talk again like they used to, that might be enough for her.

Ichigo wasn’t home. She could tell even as she knocked on his door. His reiatsu was more controlled than it had been as a teenager-it no longer saturated the environment-but it was still quite distinct, and she didn’t feel it.

She hesitated. It made as much sense to come back tomorrow as to keep looking for him now, but she wasn’t sure how long this boost in bravery would last, and there was at least one more place he was likely to be.

It was easy to follow the noises inside the fifth division to where its only remaining occupants were.

“-truth and temperance, upon this sinless wall of dreams unleash but slightly the wrath of your claws!” The sound of a small explosion followed.

“Okay. At least I got near the target that time,” Ichigo was bitching as she peeked through the doorway of the training room. “I still think it’s the crappy poetry that’s making me miss. How can you expect me to concentrate when I feel like a moron just saying the incantation?”

Hinamori laughed and patted his shoulder. “You’re doing better than you think. But you must learn to aim, or it won’t be any use to you in battle!”

“Not like I’m likely to use it there anyway,” he grumbled, getting back into stance. “Long as I have Zangetsu-oh. Rukia!” He blinked in surprise as he noticed her presence. “What are you doing here?”

Hinamori clapped her hands over her mouth as Rukia fished for a response. “Oh no! The meeting! I completely forgot! I’m so sorry!”

“That’s right, your girl club thing.” Ichigo snapped his fingers. “Sorry, Rukia, my fault. This kidou shit isn’t coming along real easy.”

“You will learn it.” Hinamori sounded exasperated. “Give yourself time.”

“Yeah, maybe,” he said. “Anyway, if you need her, take her away.”

“That’s all right,” Rukia said, quickly composing herself. “The meeting has finished. You didn’t miss anything of great importance.”

“Oh? What’d you need, then?” Ichigo asked.

Don’t fidget, she reminded herself. It is unbecoming. “I... actually, I wished to see if you would like to join me for tea, Ichigo.”

“Tea?” He looked surprised. “Kinda late for that, isn’t it?”

“Only if you have no taste,” she retorted. “And I had nothing else to do. I-thought it would be nice.”

“It is,” he said. “Er, It would be. But I should probably stick at this if I’m serious about getting any better.” He gestured at the target on its stand. “Maybe some other time?”

“Of course.” She swallowed heavily. “Good luck.”

“Thanks.” He was already turning away as she left.

It was only tea, she reminded herself as she made her way to her own quarters. He couldn’t be expected to abandon what he was doing to drink tea with her. Especially since he looked-happy. Satisfied. Like he fit in where he was, even if he was still learning.

Like he didn’t need her anymore.

He was no longer an invader or an outcast. He would do well as a captain. That could be enough for her-it would be. As long as he was happy.

That was all she’d ever wanted for him.

Around forty-five years ago

This late in the afternoon the small reception room of the doctor's office was empty, but that didn't bother Rukia. In fact, it made things easier. She slipped around front desk and down the short hallway to the examination room, where she knew the doctor would be. She peeked through the doorway to look at him and grinned. If he’d sensed her presence, he didn’t show it; his back was to her as he fiddled with some items on the counter. Doctor things that she didn’t really understand; kidou had always been enough for her.

“Excuse me, doctor,” she trilled. “But I’ve got this sharp pain in my leg and you’re the only one who can help.”

He was scowling when he turned, but she could see the ghost of a grin at the corner of his mouth. “Stop that,” he said. “I’m a pediatrician. You’re too old to be my patient, even if you are incredibly short.”

“Are you saying you’d refuse to help a woman in need? That’s shockingly insensitive, Dr. Kurosaki.” She stepped closer and smiled.

“Yeah, yeah, I’ve been called worse,” he said. “What are you doing here? In a gigai, even.”

“Soul Society had some matters to discuss with Yoruichi-san,” she said. “I merely volunteered to be the envoy.”

“Yoruichi, huh? She didn’t say anything about that when we trained last week,” he said. “They still trying to coax her back?”

“Not exactly. More like…a more formal alliance than has existed in the past. But that’s done with; I’ve already been to see her. I thought I might as well visit you while I am here.”

“Oh, I’m so glad to be considered,” he scoffed. He leaned in closer. “So, where’s this pain?”

“Ah. Yes.” She hopped up to sit on the examination seat and and took his hand, guiding it up from her knee to just under the skirt she wore. “Somewhere around here, I think.”

He looked at her with dark eyes for a long moment. “I’m done with hours for the day.”

“I don’t have to return for quite some time,” she replied.

He shut and locked the door.

“You should come to dinner with me,” he said later, once they’d dressed and straightened their clothes.

“Hmm?” She finished slipping her shoes back on.

“At my family’s place,” he said. “Dad and my sisters and I were planning to get together tonight since Yuzu just got back in town. I didn’t know you were gonna show up too, otherwise I’d have put it off until tomorrow.”

“I wouldn’t want to intrude on a family occasion.”

“Idiot.” He grabbed her hand. “You know Pops thinks of you as family anyway. They’ll be happy to see you. Besides, I don’t know the next time you’ll be able to come back, so I want to take advantage of the time you’re here.”

She smiled. “All right.”

“Good.”

“On one condition,” she said. “I get your dessert.”

He snorted. “Yuzu’s dessert? Nothing doing. You’ll have to fight me first and semi-retired shinigami or not, I can still kick your ass.”

“Then I guess I better hurry.” With that, she jumped up and scampered out of the room.

“Oi, OI! Rukia!”

Ichigo was right-Isshin was thrilled to see her when they arrived. But then, battle situations excluded, she had rarely ever seen him in anything but a state of manic cheer. It was nice to see Karin and Yuzu again, too, both of whom Rukia still half-expected to be children rather than the college-educated women they were.

“Daddy is so happy to have his favorite people back at one table!” Isshin chortled as they all dug into their meals. “My lovely daughters and beautiful adopted daughter and stupid son!” Ichigo just rolled his eyes and stuffed his mouth with more rice.

“Yuzu, why is it that you’ve returned to Karakura?” Rukia asked.

“A new job,” she answered, swallowing and smiling. “The one I had right after I graduated was nice, but I think I’ve outgrown it, and I like being closer to home.”

“And so you are! Never fear, Yuzu, daddy will always welcome you back to his manly bosom~”

“Don’t get used to it,” Karin said. “Yuzu, I still say you can stay with me while you find a new place instead of fruit loop here.”

“Thanks, but I’m all right, Karin,” she said. “Your apartment is so tiny. I don’t want to put you out. And it shouldn’t be too long. My friend Yuko from university is helping me find one. She just moved to a new apartment a few months ago so she knows the best places to look.”

Dinner continued that way, filled with pleasant chatter and none of the fistfights Rukia used to witness. Apparently Ichigo had matured enough for that, and after seeing his son fight in a war, Isshin no longer seemed to feel the need to test him physically. It was nice to be around, though she felt a pang at not being able to join in more fully. Her duties in Soul Society had kept her busy enough that her visits of late had been few and far between, and it was apparent that life went on without her. There were long periods of conversation during which she was silent, lacking knowledge of what people and events the others were referencing. It would be rude to constantly ask them to explain, though Ichigo made sure to include her in the conversation when he noticed her looking lost.

After dinner, she joined Karin and Isshin for a game of cards while Ichigo and Yuzu volunteered to do the dishes. After being soundly beaten for the third time (she could play proper cards, just not these ridiculous human games) she went to retrieve Ichigo to take her place.

“-should bring her home more often, Ichi-nii,” she heard as she approached the kitchen.

“I wish I could,” he said, up to his elbows in suds. “Not up to me.”

“Well, I like her more than Mai,” she said. "She was pretty, but kind of dull. I think Rukia-chan is much better for you."

“Yeah. Me too.”

Rukia coughed. Ichigo spun around, surprised. “It’s your turn at cards,” she said, smiling. “Trade you places?”

“Yeah,” he said after a minute. “Sure.”

At the end of the evening, Ichigo was quiet all the way back to his apartment, from when they said goodnight to his family until he locked his front door behind them. “Rukia, about what you heard-“

“-doesn’t matter,” she finished. “How many times have we been through this? You have a life, Ichigo, I understand.”

“Yamagata Mai was a friend from the hospital,” he insisted, grasping her arm and spinning her to face him. “We hung out some. She was interested in Pops’ practice so she came over for dinner a couple times. It’s not like it was even dating. I’m not gonna get serious with anyone else, you know that.”

Something twisted sideways in her belly. “I know.”

“Well…good,” he said. “As long as you don't forget. When do you have to go back to Soul Society?”

“Before morning,” she said. “There’s an important division conference early tomorrow, else I would stay.”

He leaned in, kissing her hard. “Then,” he said, “We better make the most of it.”

It was well past midnight when she woke, either from the bright moonlight that shone through the window or Ichigo’s heavy arms affecting her ability to breathe. She tried to sit up but he just held her tighter in his sleep.

“Ichigo,” she whispered, shoving at him. “Ichigo, wake up. I have to go.”

He blinked slowly, awareness returning to his eyes. “What? Now? It’s only…”

“It will be dawn in a few hours,” she said, voice soft.

He propped himself up on one elbow. Moonlight from the window cut across his face, revealing his serious expression. “Stay.”

“Ichigo, please don’t ask that of me. You know I can’t.” She sat up, but didn't remove his other arm from around her waist. As soon as she pulled away, this feeling of warmth and safety with just the two of them would be broken.

“It’s been four months already since last time,” he said with frustration. “When can you come back?”

“I don’t know,” she said. “I do the best I can, Ichigo.”

His head dropped, face once again hidden in the shadows. “I know,” he said. She leaned down to kiss him one more time, letting it last as long as she dared. “Okay. Come back when you can.”

“I promise,” she whispered.

It would have been just as easy to open the gate back to Soul Society in his apartment, but the way he watched her from the bed unsettled her, so after dressing and leaving his bedroom she walked for a few blocks. She was about to summon the hell butterfly that would take her home when a voice stopped her in her tracks.

“You’re out late.”

Rukia turned to see a small black cat sitting placidly on her haunches. “Yoruichi-san.”

“You’ll be tired in the morning.”

“Yes. Well.” She felt her cheeks warm.

“Ah, don’t listen to me. I did the same when I was your age. Still do,” she said. “Jushiro won’t mind. He covered enough for me back in the day.”

“Is there something I can help you with?” Rukia asked. “Something else I need to tell Captain Ukitake?”

Yoruichi shook her head, an odd gesture on a cat. “He knows how to contact me if necessary.”

"I see. Then..."

“I don’t even know why I’m out here,” Yoruichi sighed. “It’s none of my business.”

“I am happy to speak with you,” she said uncertainly. What was this about?

Another moment of silence. “You know I still train with Ichigo when he has time.”

She nodded. “He still thinks of you as his teacher.”

“I know. Sometimes I think that boy will never grow up.” A whisker twitched. “We don’t train all the time. He puts more energy into his practice than his father did, and I’m not always at Kisuke’s. But if I had to guess, I’d say I see him more than you do these days.”

Rukia closed her eyes for an instant. “I have already discussed this with Ichigo. With my duties, I cannot-“

“I know you can’t,” said Yoruichi, sounding surprised. “Of course not. Perfectly understandable. Life as an exile isn’t everything it’s cracked up to be, though it suits me. I just want to know something.” Golden eyes fixed on hers. “What are you doing with him, Rukia?”

“I-if you’re asking what kind of relationship we have-“

“Ha! No. I know that,” she said. “I’ve had enough time to see, and Ichigo isn’t exactly subtle. I’ve had a lot of time to see things.”

The weather shouldn’t have been affecting her gigai, but Rukia felt cold. “What are you saying?”

“I see the way he gets when you leave, when you’ve been gone a long time,” Yoruichi said. “He puts on a smiling face for you because when you’re with him, he's happy. It’s after you leave that he changes. That boy is always waiting for you.”

"He shouldn't be. I've told him not to! I don't want him to make any promises to me when I can't do the same!"

“I understand what you’re trying to do by giving him a no-strings relationship,” Yoruichi said. “But you should know better. He feels guilty if he even looks at another woman-and it’s nothing against you, but he does look. He can’t help it, he’s a man and he gets lonely. He doesn’t let himself do anything about it, but he still feels guilty. I imagine it makes you feel better about yourself when you get to forgive him without question.”

“Yoruichi-san-“

“Don’t say it’s no strings attached,” Yoruichi said. “It’s not. You have that boy wrapped up like a puppet.”

Rukia stared. She couldn’t seem to form words.

“And you? Are you going to remain faithful to him in Soul Society?”

“Of course!” She snapped, voice returning.

“Then why can’t you accept the same from him?”

“It’s not the same. He has years of this life left to him. I can’t take that away.”

“Everyone takes from each other. But you should think about what you’re giving him back. This isn't the only way things have to be.” She shook her head. “I’m not telling you what to do. It’s not my place, even if I’m very bad at staying in my place. But whatever you do, do it with honesty.” She stood and padded off into the darkness. “See you around, Rukia.”

She stood alone in the street for a long time. A small part of her wanted to go after Yoruichi, tell her she was wrong, and why. She loved Ichigo, and he loved her. Should anything else really matter, as long as that was true?

Except that other things did matter, and the rational side of herself couldn't forget it. She'd felt it herself, many times now, though his smiles and touches allowed her to set such thoughts aside. But she would continue to miss out on his life, waiting to be told what he'd been doing instead of experiencing things with him. They lived in separate worlds. He'd tried to jump the gap and succeeded for a time, but now, at this moment, they'd never felt farther apart. And they would not grow closer together.

She wanted to ignore Yoruichi's words, or to set them aside and consider them later. Knowing her, she hadn't intended to push Rukia to drastic action, just make her think. But Rukia had thought about this before, and convinced herself to do nothing. Because Yoruichi hadn’t said anything she hadn’t already known. And all the while, she kept hurting Ichigo.

She made her decision.

Ichigo had fallen back asleep. He lay sprawled on his back, snoring lightly. She paused before shaking him, her vision blurring around the edges. This sight would have to last her for a very long time.

“Ichigo. Wake up.”

“Mmm?” He opened his eyes, smiling when he saw her. She steeled herself against the rush of warmth this brought her. “You’re back.”

“Ichigo...”

“Yeah? Come back to bed.”

He reached out to touch her. She stepped back. His smile faded.

“Ichigo.” She took a deep breath. “This must end.”

“What?” He sat bolt upright. “What do you mean?”

“This. Us. We can’t do this anymore.”

“What are you talking about, Rukia?”

He scrambled to to get out of bed and reach her, never minding the fact that he was still naked, but her voice rang out sharply, stopping him from coming closer. “Don’t.”

“I don’t understand.” He shook his head. “Is this some kind of sick nightmare? You just left and everything was fine. What happened? Did Soul Society do something?”

“No. I haven’t returned yet. And things weren’t fine,” she said. “They haven’t been fine for a very long time, Ichigo. And it is my fault. I should have known better. Without me-it will be better for you.”

“You’re full of shit!” He gestured angrily. “If you don’t want to be with me anymore, just say so! Don’t tell me you think you know what’s best for me! It’s my life, Rukia! My decision!”

“No. It is not.” She forced herself to look him in the eye. “Goodbye, Ichigo.”

He tried to stop her, she was certain. But he was sleepy and slow on his feet and only human, and she was gone before he could stop her. She was sure that if she waited a moment more she would see him behind her, trying to reach her before she opened the gate.

She was sure of this. But she did not see it.

She never looked back.

--

NEXT CHAPTER: “Long-distance calls are expensive when you’re dead.”