James
I was going to write a book called Stupid Shit My Husband Says (like this morning when I asked him to get up with the girls for once so I could get some sleep, he said, "isn't Charlie ready for her nap now?"), but then it turned into Random Shit My Husband Says (like today when he was telling Charlie about her birth and called her a "mucus-covered raisin that flew out of Mommy's gi-gi" (vagina, or 'gina if you're Annie). Or it could be Shit Husbands Say to Cover Their Asses (like when he took Pants out the other day and I was asking her upon her return what she did/saw etc. and when I asked her what she ate, at the same moment she said "ice cream and pizza," James shouted over her little voice "ORGANIC SALAD!" but it was too late, he'd been ratted out.) The book could also be called Awesome Shit My Husband Says (like when he said "he would never have a heart attack because his heart knows better than to attack him!") - there are PLENTY of those little Jamesisms floating around. I think it has more to do with his personality. Last night, when we were discussing his shipping out with the Army soon, and he was expressing a worry about if he can hack the physical requirements anymore, he managed to trip over his pants, fumble a book, and up-end and entire box of pens right next to the sleeping baby, all in the same 3 minute span, to which he exclaimed "man, I can't wait till they give me a weapon!"
Last night after the kids had gone to bed, we were watching some show or another wherein a character was acting particularly paranoid, and I told James that he gets that same look on his face as the paranoid character. He asked what I meant and I said he was damaged goods too and was equally paranoid. He replied that it's because everyone IS out to get you. But I told him he was worse because he even eyes benign things with undue suspicion, like when his loving wife, mother of his children, makes him dinner after a hard day, and asks "what is it?" before taking the plate. I tell him the name of the food, and he still won't take the plate and further asks "what IN it?" THAT kind of suspicion. He defends his weird behavior by saying that I'm always trying to sneak onions and garlic and things he doesn't like into his food, to which I reply because you don't like FLAVOR! I need to come to grips with the fact that I married one of the strangest beings on the planet (his paranoia and not liking of decent food aside) and perhaps just name the book Jamesisms: the Man Behind the Maniac. :)
Last night after the kids had gone to bed, we were watching some show or another wherein a character was acting particularly paranoid, and I told James that he gets that same look on his face as the paranoid character. He asked what I meant and I said he was damaged goods too and was equally paranoid. He replied that it's because everyone IS out to get you. But I told him he was worse because he even eyes benign things with undue suspicion, like when his loving wife, mother of his children, makes him dinner after a hard day, and asks "what is it?" before taking the plate. I tell him the name of the food, and he still won't take the plate and further asks "what IN it?" THAT kind of suspicion. He defends his weird behavior by saying that I'm always trying to sneak onions and garlic and things he doesn't like into his food, to which I reply because you don't like FLAVOR! I need to come to grips with the fact that I married one of the strangest beings on the planet (his paranoia and not liking of decent food aside) and perhaps just name the book Jamesisms: the Man Behind the Maniac. :)