Hearts afire
So Sunday was a busy day for sure...here's a run down.
I went to chuch in the morning and then swung by to see my dad and pick up some wood for the fireplace. I came home and rested a bit and then unloaded the wood (a trunk full). At 6 I went to my pastor's home and we all talked about the big church event that is in Portland starting next weekend. All 16 people were there! It sounds like it will be a good time. After that I went to the grocery store and here's where the fun begins...
I knew Steven was working at 10 p.m. and I hadn't been able to contact him via phone so I went by his work and luckily got a few minutes to chat with him. I told him I'd give him a ride after work at 1 a.m. So then I went home and relaxed a bit for a couple of hours. I had a ton of E-mails to write and I got that done. Yay.
At 1 a.m. I picked Steven up and we ended up coming back to my place. We did a little bit of nothing for a while...we read some magazines I had lying around and he updated his website (he doesn't have web access at home). We then watched some QaF and boy I was getting tired.
Eventually I went to bed, but Steven was Mr. Hyper so he stayed up...I think he fell asleep around 9 a.m.! I got to sleep about for about four hours and actually I'm surprised I feel as 'awake' as I do now. I have to work at 9 a.m. tomorrow, though, so maybe that's when it will hit.
In all this chatting with Steven it became clear we of different minds on things. He's also planning on moving. I told him today that he can call any time, but, basically, I was not going to go out of my way to contact him. He doesn't want a boyfriend and I guess I'd have to say I do. It was really weird talking to him about things, since he doesn't consider anything we've done even close to 'dating' or even 'going out.' I wish I would have asked him exactly what he did consider all of this...probably 'hanging out.'
He actually made it clear that he still wanted to do stuff (?) and that's just fine with me, but I feel so much better (and yet not) that I know more about what he's thinking. Of course it will take a while to get over this...it always does for me. I get so attached so quick it's really a let down when even something as mild as this happens. I am so hungry right now...I haven't really had anything since the picnic last night. Stress always goes straight to my stomach! I am going to try and have some toast in a bit.
So things with Steven have become more clear. I will probably still check in with him later this week in case he wants to 'hang out' since that's fine...and now that I know that's all he wants I can handle it. I promised I'd call sometime during my trip just to say hi, as well.
Like I said, he's moving anyway...so I guess it's good to get this all figured out now rather than later. It doesn't matter though...I still miss him. Fortunately, since I'm so tired, I should sleep no matter what tonight!
Oh, the main thing I was going to mention was Steven's thoughts about love...He got messed up in the last 'relationship' so that's one of the reasons he won't let himself fall in love (not that he was even close with me, but I was much closer to that with him). I told him that that's just the way I am and I haven't figured out how to change that. I guess I learn more every time I get the broken heart (which is more like broken stomach to me!). I have definitely gotten better at this since the first time...but I still have a long way to go.
There is so much more to say...but I'm ready to not talk about it. This was enough to clear my head (no matter how cloudy it is with only 4 hours of sleep in 40 hours).
I went to chuch in the morning and then swung by to see my dad and pick up some wood for the fireplace. I came home and rested a bit and then unloaded the wood (a trunk full). At 6 I went to my pastor's home and we all talked about the big church event that is in Portland starting next weekend. All 16 people were there! It sounds like it will be a good time. After that I went to the grocery store and here's where the fun begins...
I knew Steven was working at 10 p.m. and I hadn't been able to contact him via phone so I went by his work and luckily got a few minutes to chat with him. I told him I'd give him a ride after work at 1 a.m. So then I went home and relaxed a bit for a couple of hours. I had a ton of E-mails to write and I got that done. Yay.
At 1 a.m. I picked Steven up and we ended up coming back to my place. We did a little bit of nothing for a while...we read some magazines I had lying around and he updated his website (he doesn't have web access at home). We then watched some QaF and boy I was getting tired.
Eventually I went to bed, but Steven was Mr. Hyper so he stayed up...I think he fell asleep around 9 a.m.! I got to sleep about for about four hours and actually I'm surprised I feel as 'awake' as I do now. I have to work at 9 a.m. tomorrow, though, so maybe that's when it will hit.
In all this chatting with Steven it became clear we of different minds on things. He's also planning on moving. I told him today that he can call any time, but, basically, I was not going to go out of my way to contact him. He doesn't want a boyfriend and I guess I'd have to say I do. It was really weird talking to him about things, since he doesn't consider anything we've done even close to 'dating' or even 'going out.' I wish I would have asked him exactly what he did consider all of this...probably 'hanging out.'
He actually made it clear that he still wanted to do stuff (?) and that's just fine with me, but I feel so much better (and yet not) that I know more about what he's thinking. Of course it will take a while to get over this...it always does for me. I get so attached so quick it's really a let down when even something as mild as this happens. I am so hungry right now...I haven't really had anything since the picnic last night. Stress always goes straight to my stomach! I am going to try and have some toast in a bit.
So things with Steven have become more clear. I will probably still check in with him later this week in case he wants to 'hang out' since that's fine...and now that I know that's all he wants I can handle it. I promised I'd call sometime during my trip just to say hi, as well.
Like I said, he's moving anyway...so I guess it's good to get this all figured out now rather than later. It doesn't matter though...I still miss him. Fortunately, since I'm so tired, I should sleep no matter what tonight!
Oh, the main thing I was going to mention was Steven's thoughts about love...He got messed up in the last 'relationship' so that's one of the reasons he won't let himself fall in love (not that he was even close with me, but I was much closer to that with him). I told him that that's just the way I am and I haven't figured out how to change that. I guess I learn more every time I get the broken heart (which is more like broken stomach to me!). I have definitely gotten better at this since the first time...but I still have a long way to go.
There is so much more to say...but I'm ready to not talk about it. This was enough to clear my head (no matter how cloudy it is with only 4 hours of sleep in 40 hours).