New Entry; Life and other things.
Too many things have happened to accurately document them all (and why bother, I'm writing this for myself, asides aside), so the highlights:
*Andrefen dropped in on us. I can't say I agree with his methods, but it did seem that he helped. Who would've thought that being tossed on one's arse could put one's mind on a different track. Well, all right, that's obvious, but I mean a track other than evening the score.
*The first attempt at getting Carsis outside the flat went horribly, in the end. If we ever bump into that overenthusiastic twit again I may break his chin for him.
*We've definitely gotten over our individual worries about touch I think anyone that ever decides to read this thing after I'm gone will take that for granted. Besides I could go on for pages Suffice to say I missed him more than I thought possible.
*Sometimes I feel horribly restless; I need to speak to him soon, find out if he'll be all right if I start taking a role in the battlefronts. A release for some of this rage that ties my gut in knots some days...
*I apparently make a decent pillow.
Ether, this all still seems a little unreal. A part of me wonders if I shouldn't have held off until Carsis was one hundred percent back to normal, but... As I've written before, I don't know if he ever will be. He's better, though. He teases and jokes and laughs almost exactly like he used to. Physically he's still on the thin side, but he's stronger than he believes, I think. When we were sparring he certainly wasn't having any troubles tossing me around.
I wish I could find a way to convince him to at least try using his magic again. I've given him back the dagger Andrefen sent over during Winter's Veil, but... I don't know how it happens, but we seem to make enemies just by breathing and, as much as I hate to say it, it's only a matter of time before something happens.
Sidetracked.
I didn't exactly start the conversation with a destination in mind, but... in hindsight I was very nearly asking, wasn't I? And I have to admit, a part of me was hoping... We're getting going to be tying Damn it, if I can't write it do I really have any right to be doing it?
We're going to be married.
There, it's written down, all official. I can stop feeling as if I'm about to wake up any second now.
I've always shied away from the idea. Never really believed it was something that works. Something that I wanted or deserved When I was working I had a lot of clients that were separated from their husbands or wives, had such bile over the whole affair that they needed to share it with anyone willing to listen. And I was paid to listen. After a while it seemed that the entire idea was a sham; this unattainable thing that everyone was chasing after and falling short of; impossible promises that no one ever lived up to; an unrealistic ideal that people rushed to break themselves on.
... I suppose a part of me still believes that. But not of Carsis and I. We've been through more than many couples ever have to face and we haven't broken yet. Even if the day comes and one or the other of us decides he can't go through with it, I will never desert him. Not unless he asks me to. I've already made all of those impossible promises and I have no intention of ever breaking them. When we put on our rings nothing will change, I'm sure of it. We'll still be ourselves, just with a little bit... more.
This feels right.
*Andrefen dropped in on us. I can't say I agree with his methods, but it did seem that he helped. Who would've thought that being tossed on one's arse could put one's mind on a different track. Well, all right, that's obvious, but I mean a track other than evening the score.
*The first attempt at getting Carsis outside the flat went horribly, in the end. If we ever bump into that overenthusiastic twit again I may break his chin for him.
*We've definitely gotten over our individual worries about touch I think anyone that ever decides to read this thing after I'm gone will take that for granted. Besides I could go on for pages Suffice to say I missed him more than I thought possible.
*Sometimes I feel horribly restless; I need to speak to him soon, find out if he'll be all right if I start taking a role in the battlefronts. A release for some of this rage that ties my gut in knots some days...
*I apparently make a decent pillow.
Ether, this all still seems a little unreal. A part of me wonders if I shouldn't have held off until Carsis was one hundred percent back to normal, but... As I've written before, I don't know if he ever will be. He's better, though. He teases and jokes and laughs almost exactly like he used to. Physically he's still on the thin side, but he's stronger than he believes, I think. When we were sparring he certainly wasn't having any troubles tossing me around.
I wish I could find a way to convince him to at least try using his magic again. I've given him back the dagger Andrefen sent over during Winter's Veil, but... I don't know how it happens, but we seem to make enemies just by breathing and, as much as I hate to say it, it's only a matter of time before something happens.
Sidetracked.
I didn't exactly start the conversation with a destination in mind, but... in hindsight I was very nearly asking, wasn't I? And I have to admit, a part of me was hoping... We're getting going to be tying Damn it, if I can't write it do I really have any right to be doing it?
We're going to be married.
There, it's written down, all official. I can stop feeling as if I'm about to wake up any second now.
I've always shied away from the idea. Never really believed it was something that works. Something that I wanted or deserved When I was working I had a lot of clients that were separated from their husbands or wives, had such bile over the whole affair that they needed to share it with anyone willing to listen. And I was paid to listen. After a while it seemed that the entire idea was a sham; this unattainable thing that everyone was chasing after and falling short of; impossible promises that no one ever lived up to; an unrealistic ideal that people rushed to break themselves on.
... I suppose a part of me still believes that. But not of Carsis and I. We've been through more than many couples ever have to face and we haven't broken yet. Even if the day comes and one or the other of us decides he can't go through with it, I will never desert him. Not unless he asks me to. I've already made all of those impossible promises and I have no intention of ever breaking them. When we put on our rings nothing will change, I'm sure of it. We'll still be ourselves, just with a little bit... more.
This feels right.