New Entry; Ghosts
It's unsettling, to say the least, to see someone that one knows should be dead. Truly, irreversibly dead. Lynel was murdered in a plagued area. Could it be possible? It shouldn't be. I skulked and hid for hours that day, watching the Scarlets building pyres to burn the bodies of the massacred. I was certain that Lynel was among them, but... did I ever see them cut him down? I thought I saw his body tossed onto one of the fires, but I never saw... He's dead. There was no coming back from that. Even if there was--whoever I keep seeing is not Forsaken. If he'd miraculously survived, why turn up now? And why stare at me from across a crowded street instead of making some sort of contact?
... If I were him, I wouldn't want to contact me either. I returned too late to save anyone, and I failed to even cut him down and give him a proper burial. I let the Scarlets take care of the dead, when it should have been me. I was the only one left that hadn't been killed or converted by force.
I couldn't have hallucinated all of that. I know that there was nothing wrong with my mind until Indarus. Don't I? What if none of it was real? The monastery, Lynel, Jenylin... what if they were all figments of my imagination that I created because I couldn't deal with my mother allowing my father to leave me in the middle of nowhere?
Impossible.
But if I am seeing him... Then my recovery isn't as complete as I believed. I've looked back over the few entries in this journal from when I was... less than myself, and I will not return to that state. I will fight to hold on to every last shred of sanity I have even if it kills me. I would rather be dead than put Carsis and Z. through that again.
I doubt that Z. would be able to handle it now, anyway. Whatever that strange pause was yesterday, it clearly wasn't normal, nor was it lack of sleep as she said. There's something going on with her... Something wrong.
... If I were him, I wouldn't want to contact me either. I returned too late to save anyone, and I failed to even cut him down and give him a proper burial. I let the Scarlets take care of the dead, when it should have been me. I was the only one left that hadn't been killed or converted by force.
I couldn't have hallucinated all of that. I know that there was nothing wrong with my mind until Indarus. Don't I? What if none of it was real? The monastery, Lynel, Jenylin... what if they were all figments of my imagination that I created because I couldn't deal with my mother allowing my father to leave me in the middle of nowhere?
Impossible.
But if I am seeing him... Then my recovery isn't as complete as I believed. I've looked back over the few entries in this journal from when I was... less than myself, and I will not return to that state. I will fight to hold on to every last shred of sanity I have even if it kills me. I would rather be dead than put Carsis and Z. through that again.
I doubt that Z. would be able to handle it now, anyway. Whatever that strange pause was yesterday, it clearly wasn't normal, nor was it lack of sleep as she said. There's something going on with her... Something wrong.