FIC: Through the Woods
Title: Through the Woods
Pairing: Skwisgaar/Murderface
Rating: PG-13
Prompt: "lost in the woods. middle of winter/fall or whatever, it's cold. PHONES R DEAD OOOOHNO. PAIRING OF CHOICE HAS TO SURVIVE THE ELEMENTS AND THEIR INSATIABLE AND GROWING LUST FOR EACH OTHER LOLOLOLOLOL."
Notes: Written for misdreya. Contemplating posting this to CLDK, considering how little of this pairing exists.
Through the Woods
"Maybes we should have stayed home," Skwisgaar said warily, looking up.
"We're fine," William said. The expression on his face was what Skwisgaar thought of as his Warrior Face, which was the same as his Stupid Face. They were going to die.
"Nos, cause I swears I seen dis tree before, Williams. Dat's de same pile of acornts." He crossed his arms. "I demands you leads me back home at once," he tried. It was possible William didn't know how to get them back, but it was worth demanding just in case.
"You just want me to do all the work. I know your game."
"My games is called 'stays at home and never dies'. It's why I'ms not dead."
"Bulls'chit! You were just asch ready to take a walk with me earlier."
"Earlier, I coulds not eats a horse. Ugh, my stomachs...it feel like it wants to caves in on itself." He paused, scowling, "And it's fucking cold heres." Truth be told, he also didn't like how dark it was getting. "I'ms calling homes." He reached into his pocket, only to discover he'd left his Dethphone behind. "Hm. I needs your phones, pretty please." He held out his hand expectantly.
There was no hesitation as William pulled his beloved Dethphone out and handed it over. He trusted him with it, and he wanted to get home too. "I'm low on battery, Skwisgaar. Make it fascht."
Skwisgaar tried to call Charles three times before looking over at William, eyes slightly wide. "I types de number, but nothing happen."
Murderface rolled his eyes. "Let me try. Let me try to do it." After a few short minutes, he sighed, placing his phone back in his pocket.
"We's lost?! Likes fish on de lands." He sighed. "What's we do, Williams? You was the boy scout." He tucked his hair behind his ear nervously.
"We could…hm. There'sch this thing I do with Picklesch."
"Ja?" Hope shone in his bright blue eyes.
"But...it'sch kind of gay." He put his Warrior Face on again. "And I'm going to get a boner."
He sighed in relief. Not very serious after all. "Pffft. Since when's dat news, huh? You gets a boner from...someone pourin' cereals. I don't know." Plus? He was pretty sure William was as gay as one could possibly be while still in denial.
"You dare to undermine the scheriousness of this maneuver, blondie?"
"We cuddle all night. How ams dat serious?" He was shivering now, wrapping his arms around himself. What had he been thinking, wearing a tank top in such weather? Though, in all fairness, the walk was never supposed to take as long as it had.
William noticed the shivering, taking his vest off and holding it out to the Swede, who hesitated. "Nos, den you's be cold."
"We can huddle together and wait for our reschcue team. You need it more than I do, even if I do look better in leather."
Skwisgaar accepted the vest, putting it around himself. "I smells like a cow," he commented.
William leaned in, sniffing him briefly. "You schmell like a man," he corrected. At Skwisgaar's raised eyebrow, he explained. "Normally, you schmell like...an herb garden. And not how Picklesch schmells like an herb garden," he quickly added.
Skwisgaar accepted these facts. Coming from William, they weren't so much an attack on his manhood as a compliment to his typical level of hygiene. "Thanks for dis vests."
"No problem."
"If we cuddles for warmth," he started.
"Huddle."
"Huddles for warmth," Skwisgaar went on, "you gonna be glad it ams me, or gonna wish it was Pickle?"
"Why?" Murderface shot back. "Are you gonna wisch it was Toki?"
Skwisgaar shook his head.
"Oh." Murderface apparently hadn't expected him to not wish it was Toki.
"Toki ams not a hero," Skwisgaar pointed out, moving toward the bassist, getting close enough to the man that he could easily reach out for an embrace. "Not like my big bassist, eh?"
William hesitated. Why was he so close? Did he know he was so close? Was that his flirty voice he normally used to charm the ladies? Why did none of this make any sense? He hadn't even eaten any hallucinogenic berries or mushrooms. There was no excuse for this; it was reality.
"You keeps me warm, so I keeps you warm."
"Are you schaying what I...I don't even. What isch this?"
"OKAY." Skwisgaar crossed his arms. "DON'TS PLAY DUMB."
"What if I'm'ch not playing? What if I really am thisch dumb?" William asked triumphantly. "What about that, huh?"
Skwisgaar reach out with goose bump-covered arms and leaned in, hugging the bassist close. He whispered, "I'm hits-ing on you, okays?"
"Why?" William whispered back.
"I'm not sures. I likes you, you fats dildo. You's smell bads and I don't care. It suits yous."
William kissed him. It was brief, but satisfying. "I like you too, Shkwisgaar," he murmured. "Youre a bitch. But it schuits you."
Skwisgaar smiled. "So we's huddle?"
For a while, William set to work creating a pile of dead leaves and brush while Skwisgaar leaned against a tree trunk and looked pretty. When Skwisgaar thought it was taking too long, though, he helped him out. They spooned together on their little bed of dead and dying plant life, Skwisgaar's back to William's front.
William got a boner rather quickly, and the warmth Skwisgaar could feel through the fabric had his blood flowing downward as well. He squirmed back against the bassist a bit. He wouldn't tell him this, not yet, but he was quite fond of that hog.
When Charles and the rescue team located Skwisgaar and William, they were fast asleep, and Skwisgaar was wearing William's vest for some reason.
When the bassist and the lead guitarist were safe inside the helicopter, sipping hot drinks and wearing blankets, William asked for his vest back.
Skwisgaar shook his head. "Dis olds cow vest? It mine now," he said, and smirked.
That was alright. William had more anyway. And he only had one Skwisgaar.