My R-rated Vegas trip review!
I just got back from Las Vegas, where I spent 3 days taking it all in. I had never been before. What was initial impressions? Whoever designed the layout of the casino-hotels should get slowly spit roasted on a series of un-lubricated horse cocks IN HELL. They use grandeur and flashing, noisey things to confuse and direct (often misdirect) the shit out of you SO you have to spend as much time as possible walking past slots or gambling tables, all designed to pick your pocket. Seriously, FUCK them in the ear. And I wish I could have taken a picture of the smell. It was like ... an omnipresent mix of cigarette smoke and the strongest perfumes being maliciously spritzed into your face.
Now that I've vented that, apart from those two things, Vegas was a blast. The food was superb but you had to hemmorrhage money to get it, well the good stuff anyway. My favorite was L'Atelier de Joel Robuchon. (I'm drooling on myself, great.) The shows were A1 awesome sauce. We saw Pen and Teller do their full on libertarian magic show. We saw two Cirque du Soleil shows, Mystere and KA. They were French circus meets John Woo and Patton Oswald's take on it is spot on, although there was no hedgehog with a boner per se.
Other cool stuff ... we rode up and down a two story circular escalator at the Forum Shops (a mall at Caesar's Palace which wins the prize for 'Most over the top, argh my epilepsy!'), we saw tigers, lions and dolphins at the Mirage (one of these animals bit off Roy's face, I didn't care which, I just pretended they all took turns), and while walking the strip we collected escort trading cards (gotta catch'em all!)
Oh and ya we did gamble. I put a dollar in a slot machine, it did not give it back. And Jeff and I played $10 blackjack at the MGM Grand for an hour. Jeff bought me a strategy card which I used rigorously while he counted cards. We made $20. Good on us for walking away ahead.
Overall, I found Vegas surprisingly enjoyable. It is the one true temple to all things moneyed, and all true blooded Americans should visit it once a decade to pay homage to the capitalism Gods.
Now that I've vented that, apart from those two things, Vegas was a blast. The food was superb but you had to hemmorrhage money to get it, well the good stuff anyway. My favorite was L'Atelier de Joel Robuchon. (I'm drooling on myself, great.) The shows were A1 awesome sauce. We saw Pen and Teller do their full on libertarian magic show. We saw two Cirque du Soleil shows, Mystere and KA. They were French circus meets John Woo and Patton Oswald's take on it is spot on, although there was no hedgehog with a boner per se.
Other cool stuff ... we rode up and down a two story circular escalator at the Forum Shops (a mall at Caesar's Palace which wins the prize for 'Most over the top, argh my epilepsy!'), we saw tigers, lions and dolphins at the Mirage (one of these animals bit off Roy's face, I didn't care which, I just pretended they all took turns), and while walking the strip we collected escort trading cards (gotta catch'em all!)
Oh and ya we did gamble. I put a dollar in a slot machine, it did not give it back. And Jeff and I played $10 blackjack at the MGM Grand for an hour. Jeff bought me a strategy card which I used rigorously while he counted cards. We made $20. Good on us for walking away ahead.
Overall, I found Vegas surprisingly enjoyable. It is the one true temple to all things moneyed, and all true blooded Americans should visit it once a decade to pay homage to the capitalism Gods.