Of birds, bees and fetuses.
I had "the talk" with my eldest girl a couple nights ago. You might ask why would I do that? Shouldn't she learn about sex the way we did, from misinformed friends, "playing doctor" with the neighbor boy, and reading frayed copies of Fanny Hill. It was good enough for us, etc... While that has a vague appeal, I decided, 'No, I should at least try to play the part of the hipster 00's mom, when really I just long to be a 50's mom.'
Why now? Well, I had to do it. Recently, she asked me what a penis was out of the blue. It turns out words can't do it justice and she got bored listening to my stalled utterances. Before then, she asked if only married grown-ups can have babies? She became really concerned when I said no. Luckily for me, she dropped it because has the sort of focus that devoted TV/video gaming cultivates, short and scattered. All I had to say was it's complicated and we'll talk about it later.
But, this dancing around meant I had better act and head this gathering ignorance storm off at the pass before she started asking around. I cut to the chase, laid down the law ... I explained sex was gross, with it's fuilds and leaping herpes, and how it should only be had in the darkest settings, while both parties are filled with shame and self-loathing ... Okay I'll stop with the kidding. If you read my blog at all you know I'm not stupid, I love the sexing and have a hippie lane in the highway that is my soul (ugh did I just type that.)
There was no mention of birds and bees and I didn't so much talk as read. I realized I would get red-faced nervous when talking to a kid about this. And when that happens I get tongue-tied, or stupidly go on like a simpering idiot. Not ideal. Weeks ago, I got a copy of Where Did I Come From? and just read it to her. It was simple, really frank, perfect. My daughter was, of course, not embarassed and said it was "really interesting." I spent all my time focusing on keeping my voice level and forcing myself not make little catty comments about the cartoonish illustrations of the "man" and "woman" and the "fetuses" (or is that feti?) Done. Now I'm off the hook for years.
Oh and if you are wondering where her father was during all this ... he was hiding, like a scared little boy. He'll protest and say he was watching thing 2 but I saw the look in his eyes. I'm surprised he didn't wet himself.
Why now? Well, I had to do it. Recently, she asked me what a penis was out of the blue. It turns out words can't do it justice and she got bored listening to my stalled utterances. Before then, she asked if only married grown-ups can have babies? She became really concerned when I said no. Luckily for me, she dropped it because has the sort of focus that devoted TV/video gaming cultivates, short and scattered. All I had to say was it's complicated and we'll talk about it later.
But, this dancing around meant I had better act and head this gathering ignorance storm off at the pass before she started asking around. I cut to the chase, laid down the law ... I explained sex was gross, with it's fuilds and leaping herpes, and how it should only be had in the darkest settings, while both parties are filled with shame and self-loathing ... Okay I'll stop with the kidding. If you read my blog at all you know I'm not stupid, I love the sexing and have a hippie lane in the highway that is my soul (ugh did I just type that.)
There was no mention of birds and bees and I didn't so much talk as read. I realized I would get red-faced nervous when talking to a kid about this. And when that happens I get tongue-tied, or stupidly go on like a simpering idiot. Not ideal. Weeks ago, I got a copy of Where Did I Come From? and just read it to her. It was simple, really frank, perfect. My daughter was, of course, not embarassed and said it was "really interesting." I spent all my time focusing on keeping my voice level and forcing myself not make little catty comments about the cartoonish illustrations of the "man" and "woman" and the "fetuses" (or is that feti?) Done. Now I'm off the hook for years.
Oh and if you are wondering where her father was during all this ... he was hiding, like a scared little boy. He'll protest and say he was watching thing 2 but I saw the look in his eyes. I'm surprised he didn't wet himself.