you have no idea

[her_velvet_rose]

its so hard to have so much time to think... because when you have time to think, you can never sleep because your mind is always going.. nonstop.

i feel like this almost every single day. im actually miserable, which is really hard and almost pathetic for me to say, but i am. i hate being here, away from most everything that means something to me. i almost feel like i cant breath when im here. i cant open myself up to anyone here. i just dont feel right or comfortable. i dont think i can take it much longer, i really dont.

i hate feeling sorry for myself because i am here, but i cant help it. when i come back, i dont even care to leave my room. i cant tell if im just being dumb or i am just not suppose to be here. its weird because when im in class, im ok and happy, but when i am not, but still here, i get depressed and dont know what to do.

and i hate feeling this way because i feel so fucking selfish. millions of people have so many problems in their lives, and the only single thing i can think of is that i am here, and not there. i wish i could change how i feel...

this is so hard.