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Ok, so I'm updating, not done this in a very long time. Not really had much time, yet then again, I've managed to have time to do other things, so really I have had the time, its just that other things are higher on my list than updating this stupid thing...
So it's a new year. Can't say that 2005 was too bad, then again, it wasnt the best either. I thought the other night about recapping the year and saying important events that happened this year. But the more i thought about it, the worse of an idea it sounded. I mean, what if there was an event that happened, that I didnt put in here, and it involved others, they would feel left out, and chances are they wouldnt be too happy with me... SO maybe its not a good idea. But this year I did turn 16, got my license and my first car. That cant hurt anyones feelings. I did spend the first few minutes of '05 kissing Vanessa... I will NEVER forget that, very amazing. I spent most of 2005, other than the past few months with one Vanessa, wouldnt ever take it back either, just the past few months i would... All in all this was a good year. ok ok ok enough about 2005... its a new year, its 2006 graduation in one year... CRAZY
So I must say, the past oh, 36 hours or so has been ok, rough but ok. Ness came out yesterday... I miss her so much, like seriously I dont know how much more of this I can take. My heart is weaker than it has ever been. I truely love this girl no matter what any of you say and I just see her... Then its like, I'm so jealous its not even funny. And she's noticed it. I didnt want her to, I dont wanna admit that yes indeed I am jealous of him, but its obvious. I just, I dunno. And last night I wanted nothing more than to just show her a good time. LIke the old days. Not with the sexual side of it, but just the fun we use to have. Us laughing together, joking around, wrestling, that kinda thing.. But it was like I was just... I dunno, dead to fun? I dunno if thats the right words. And I think she could kinda tell cuz I was just kinda sitting there while we were playing cards and all of a sudden something happened and we were on my floor rollin around compleating to get a hair rubber band lol It was funny. I was trying to take her hair rubber band and she was trying to crack my knuckles. But then once we went to bed, I got all depressed again and started bawling my eyes out after she fell asleep. I'm falling apart... after she left, I cried. I went to the bathroom last night... just to cry... I cant take it anymore... I hate seeing her with him, I hate seeing them together, I hate thinking about them being together... I want it to be Boo n' Bee again... Vanessa with K... not T... I just... *sighs* I dont know
I want her to be happy. more than anything. Even if that means her not being with me. I love her, and want her to be happy... I'm just not sure that HE is what makes her happy... thats what kills me...
I think I need to go... I have alot to do for tomarrow and havnt even really started. Well i've started, just havint gotten much done...
goodnight to all and to all a good night...
I love you Vanessa Lynne, thats never going to change.. EVER and thank you for everything... my shoes, my hoodie sweater thing, and for everything else you've given me. I love it all. You've given me so much more than what you realize, but I thank you the most for giving me your love, patiance, and support, I love you so much, dont you ever forget that
Kisha