interrupted
Life is overly compulsive and intense at the moment. But perhaps that's in the crevices in my cranium. I'm [always] delicately inverting situations and pondering over them. Like--what exactly am I doing with my life? Am I capable of loving someone other than myself? Eluding in thought about realities from my own existence is the thing I'm best at. I'm conscious of my emotions, but I'm uncomfortable with the deep feeling--the womb squenching sensation of willingly knowing something isn't right. My emotions constantly test me over and over again. They are what keep me aware--they keep me alive.
On some highly real shit, I'm petrified of love. This love thing is a beautiful foundation, but in the heat of the moment I sometimes feel like I rush over in too much thought. I'm too paranoid with this current state because I've never been so voluble with another human being outside of blood ties. I'm supposedly too independent for this shit, but I fall for his shit everytime. It seems as if I put my guard up when I feel myself helplessly falling. It hurts to be so reliant and in awe with someone, because in deep awareness on the several twenty-four I realize there are no guarantee's in this life. I've recognized that from grade school and past experiences are my only guide and when I pinpoint flaws I realize that it's too late because I'm in love. I get nervous because I refuse to be like those girls I despise-- you know the ones? They know how shit really is but they indefinately blind themselves. I'm no fool..
On some highly real shit, I'm petrified of love. This love thing is a beautiful foundation, but in the heat of the moment I sometimes feel like I rush over in too much thought. I'm too paranoid with this current state because I've never been so voluble with another human being outside of blood ties. I'm supposedly too independent for this shit, but I fall for his shit everytime. It seems as if I put my guard up when I feel myself helplessly falling. It hurts to be so reliant and in awe with someone, because in deep awareness on the several twenty-four I realize there are no guarantee's in this life. I've recognized that from grade school and past experiences are my only guide and when I pinpoint flaws I realize that it's too late because I'm in love. I get nervous because I refuse to be like those girls I despise-- you know the ones? They know how shit really is but they indefinately blind themselves. I'm no fool..