A day in the life of a space cowboy.
This entry is my obvious attempt to get out of doing my book report. Subconcious of course in a concious sort of way.
So I've really neglected this journal. Most of the other journals I've made I really maintained better. Today I went to school. Nothing interesting there. I could tell you. All my loyal readers I mean. I suppose that's what I made this journal for. To talk about things I don't care about. I fool myself into thinking I care when really I'm somewhere else in the middle of an intense ping-pong match against myself. Alright. You don't get it? I'll try it again. It's a stuggle to keep myself from drifting off to somewhere entirely different when I'm going through my everyday routine. Talk. Smile. Laugh. There's always something in my head totally unrealated with the situation at hand. So I can laugh at anything at anytime and not know why. I try to make people smile and let up on themselves. People take themselves and life in general too seriously. It's painful to watch. I can be serious when it's required of me but I don't see much fun in going through life in that frame of mind. I don't feel like talking about today. I'll never feel like talking about today.
So moving on to my lack of a social life. I try to be social but I feel unworthy of being in the presence of others. I limit myself entirely too much. I spend time with Elliot outside of school. He's one person attending Centennial that I feel close to. I can call him up whenever and just have a conversation with him, person to person. That's all we have to be. Two people who feel like talking about nothing and everything in peticular. It's a beautiful. I have Tasha at Wilde Lake and Claire all the way in Annapolis. So I have a feeling that we'll make weekend visits a ritual. I'm so glad I got to see them both last weekend. It's been an entirely new feeling not seeing two of my favorite people everyday in school. So far it hasn't been especially pleasent. That's why I need to put myself out there and do that whole... ya know-talking thing. The initial akwardness that new social situations brings up is not all that enjoyable. Eventually things well get better but right now with my lack of decent social axiety medication and secuity I'm pretty unable to put things into perspective. Are people as intimidated by me as I am by them? Never knew that you scared me, eh? Yeah. That goes for all of you. Man. People. It's like. Woah. Ouch.
So. Homework. One would think it would be a good idea to start. One and I are not on the same page.
So I've really neglected this journal. Most of the other journals I've made I really maintained better. Today I went to school. Nothing interesting there. I could tell you. All my loyal readers I mean. I suppose that's what I made this journal for. To talk about things I don't care about. I fool myself into thinking I care when really I'm somewhere else in the middle of an intense ping-pong match against myself. Alright. You don't get it? I'll try it again. It's a stuggle to keep myself from drifting off to somewhere entirely different when I'm going through my everyday routine. Talk. Smile. Laugh. There's always something in my head totally unrealated with the situation at hand. So I can laugh at anything at anytime and not know why. I try to make people smile and let up on themselves. People take themselves and life in general too seriously. It's painful to watch. I can be serious when it's required of me but I don't see much fun in going through life in that frame of mind. I don't feel like talking about today. I'll never feel like talking about today.
So moving on to my lack of a social life. I try to be social but I feel unworthy of being in the presence of others. I limit myself entirely too much. I spend time with Elliot outside of school. He's one person attending Centennial that I feel close to. I can call him up whenever and just have a conversation with him, person to person. That's all we have to be. Two people who feel like talking about nothing and everything in peticular. It's a beautiful. I have Tasha at Wilde Lake and Claire all the way in Annapolis. So I have a feeling that we'll make weekend visits a ritual. I'm so glad I got to see them both last weekend. It's been an entirely new feeling not seeing two of my favorite people everyday in school. So far it hasn't been especially pleasent. That's why I need to put myself out there and do that whole... ya know-talking thing. The initial akwardness that new social situations brings up is not all that enjoyable. Eventually things well get better but right now with my lack of decent social axiety medication and secuity I'm pretty unable to put things into perspective. Are people as intimidated by me as I am by them? Never knew that you scared me, eh? Yeah. That goes for all of you. Man. People. It's like. Woah. Ouch.
So. Homework. One would think it would be a good idea to start. One and I are not on the same page.