Things I have learned from Kung Fu films
- Flipping through the air always gets you further and faster than running
- The guy with the most pathetic weapon always kicks the most ass. Guns < Swords < Poles < Everyday furniture < fans < chopsticks < long sleeves.
- Sound effects make all the difference.
- Always read any raggedy-ass pamphlets with stick figures doing kung-fu on them. Especially if said pamphlet is found at the bottom of wells or in deep dark caves.
- Never kick the funny-looking drunk guy. Trust me, you'll regret it.
- The more ridiculous the name for a certain move, the more likely it is to cave in someone's skull. (ie, Drunk monkey bakes lucky bread = tear someone's head off the spit down his neck)
- White people are never to be trusted
- If you ever gain the power to shoot beams of death from your eyes/hands/fingers, for some reason it will never actually hit the big boss and you'll have to beat him to death with your fists anyway.
If you have any suggestions, feel free to comment and I'll add them to the list.
When I was a kid, my mom used to record kung-fu soap operas onto long-play VHS cassettes. I'm not exactly sure what the heck she recorded them from, but I can only assume we must've picked up at least one chinese channel on tv at the time. I still remember watching one of those soap operas and I've decided to try to track it down. I know my mom likely still has the original tapes somewhere, but I'm sort of curious if any of it has made the formate jump to dvd.
It was a great show from what I recall. You just have to fast forward past all of the sappy love story bits and then there were people running around shooting death beams from their hands and crap. I still remember spending a not insignificant chunk of time trying to get a single death beam to come out of my fingers. No luck yet, but I'm confident I'll work out the means one day.
I think I've found the most deadly kung-fu attack.
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