recent thoughts mostly as a way for me to organize them

[hensatc]

Some thoughts that have been going through my head recently
i realized i have been a pretty poor friend to a lot of people recently
i also realized i have been very confused and scattered
other snippets and recurring themes include:

‘...i cant stand this fucking place one more minute’
‘...im not sure i can ever leave this place’
‘why him and not me...’
‘be happy for him...’
‘fuck im gonna miss him...’
‘i love her so much...’
‘i miss her...’
‘she frustrates the hell out of me...’
‘why cant they just leave me alone...’
‘entitlement is not a right...’
‘why am i so jealous, he deserves it as much as anyone...’
‘...shit...’
‘what have i forgotten...’
‘how can i make sure the carpet stays down...’
‘will I be ok if i dont help anyone ever again...’
‘i feel trapped by my own potential...’
‘i want to be loved unconditionally...’
‘joy, fear, trepidation, contentment should not each be an hourly experience...’

as background
my best friend just found out he was admitted to medical school
i have two jobs, one of which is mindless and i mostly hate, the other i used to love but no longer do... i am however still deeply connected to the place and the people
i have no idea what i will do for my next career move
college students on the whole seem to expect things to fall into their laps - especially the smart tallented ones
my least favorite emotion is uncertainty

thanks for stopping by
[edit] added some background to alleviate some of the not-quite-intentional level of obscurity