I went alone with nothing left but faith………
Cancer makes me pretty ballsy apparently.
--
I went alone with nothing left but faith………
I’ve considered things and whichever way I look at it- it all comes down to faith. I love you Jer- every awesome and self absorbed way. Give me the good and the bad, and that’s what I want. But I also won’t apologize for it anymore or pretend it doesn’t exist. It just cheapens something that should be so amazingly awesome- because that’s what we’re capable of. We’re not just friends and we won’t be just friends. You say the words, I’m there- now, six months from now, or never. But whatever is going on here doesn’t feel right and all it does is question anything and everything I felt for you. Cancer or no cancer, I’ll never settle for something that is less than what it should be.
Yours, J
I read it to him- sorta, I interjected stuff. I said that I had been anxious and jealous, and I just couldn't do this.
I threw everything out on the table and he had no idea it was coming. The look of shock, followed by the nods and confusion and stuff he just couldn't understand.
"I'm completely reeling about this here, you need to do what's best for you."
"Ok, I'm gonna walk out that door. We've ended right, in a good place."
Followed by the hug that didn't feel right and the words:
"you're an amazing woman"
"I know, that's why I can't do this."
It's done and there are no words to how much this broke my heart.
--
I went alone with nothing left but faith………
I’ve considered things and whichever way I look at it- it all comes down to faith. I love you Jer- every awesome and self absorbed way. Give me the good and the bad, and that’s what I want. But I also won’t apologize for it anymore or pretend it doesn’t exist. It just cheapens something that should be so amazingly awesome- because that’s what we’re capable of. We’re not just friends and we won’t be just friends. You say the words, I’m there- now, six months from now, or never. But whatever is going on here doesn’t feel right and all it does is question anything and everything I felt for you. Cancer or no cancer, I’ll never settle for something that is less than what it should be.
Yours, J
I read it to him- sorta, I interjected stuff. I said that I had been anxious and jealous, and I just couldn't do this.
I threw everything out on the table and he had no idea it was coming. The look of shock, followed by the nods and confusion and stuff he just couldn't understand.
"I'm completely reeling about this here, you need to do what's best for you."
"Ok, I'm gonna walk out that door. We've ended right, in a good place."
Followed by the hug that didn't feel right and the words:
"you're an amazing woman"
"I know, that's why I can't do this."
It's done and there are no words to how much this broke my heart.