yet we consider this our suffering and pain when we're so privileged...
devoted friends, they disappear...
I think the phrase most muttered out of my mouth lately has been "dont throw that away." mom's cleaning out her sewing machine cabinet and there's fabric from our couch in texas. how the fuck can I remember that. How the fuck. not only did it feel familiar but I can remember what it felt like before we covered it in that 80's fabric and how i remember falling asleep before my ballet class. how the fuck. and my mom called for me while I was walking away and she said open your hand and I thought it was going to be something gross cuz I just yelled at her to not throw away the 10 year old couch fabric and she put a button in my hand. it was a turtle button. she made us matching dresses when I was a kid and I wore it to my grandmas house and hung on the swing set and the buttons were those turtles and she promised not to throw things away that I didnt want thrown away. How. the. fuck. why am I supposed to remember all this stuff when it just makes me cry and get scared.
I need to sleep. for atleast 12 hours.
nothing will ever be what I have lost,
I think the phrase most muttered out of my mouth lately has been "dont throw that away." mom's cleaning out her sewing machine cabinet and there's fabric from our couch in texas. how the fuck can I remember that. How the fuck. not only did it feel familiar but I can remember what it felt like before we covered it in that 80's fabric and how i remember falling asleep before my ballet class. how the fuck. and my mom called for me while I was walking away and she said open your hand and I thought it was going to be something gross cuz I just yelled at her to not throw away the 10 year old couch fabric and she put a button in my hand. it was a turtle button. she made us matching dresses when I was a kid and I wore it to my grandmas house and hung on the swing set and the buttons were those turtles and she promised not to throw things away that I didnt want thrown away. How. the. fuck. why am I supposed to remember all this stuff when it just makes me cry and get scared.
I need to sleep. for atleast 12 hours.
nothing will ever be what I have lost,