But Time Decays?
I feel a little better today. Less cranky. I went to sleep around one last night, and got up around 11 this morning. Breakfast was bacon and a bagel. With coffee. Protein. Caffeine. The staples.
I don't know what I'm going to do today. My sister badly wants me to come with her to explore Norup today, but people may be hanging out. It'd be nice to see Danny and Janet today. Tomorrow we take pictures. Tomorrow we arrive at BHS at 8 AM to take pictures. Tomorrow is the end of summer. Only a weekend follows tomorrow. There's no more time. It's too late to try to feel better and enjoy myself. Tomorrow is the day I've focused on all summer. If there was any way I could have just enjoyed what I was doing while I was doing it...that would have been close to peace. But it's too late now. And I know better. I know my mind isn't capable of that kind of peace. No matter what the mommy says. All I can do now is improve my general health.
I can't believe picture day is already a day away. Summer was ending the minute it stated. It hasn't felt like two and a half months. It's felt more like two and a half days. Then I look at the archives. I look at all I've lived. All the things I've done and all the people I've talked to. Amazing that time is strong enough to consume all of it; strong enough to make so much living pass, and feel like it occurred in only 60 seconds. Someday I'm going to be able to live in the moment, and disconnect myself from the past and the future; Someday, I'm going to defeat time.
But it's too late now. Maybe not...maybe I will have oppportunity to enjoy myself during the school year. But then, during the school year, there is real cause for anxeity. There is more cause for anxeity than the shit I invent for myself during the summer. But victory would be achieved through the same detatchment.
The easy way out is also starting to look nice. They'd diagnose generalized anxeity and depression after having talked to me once. Little purple pills. "Cosmetic drugs." The whole world is focused on the past and the future...learning from experience and blasting on ahead in every area of life. The people who can't keep up, the people who become absolutely exhausted with the pace, the people who get sick on the ride...those people have a problem that can be covered. Amphetamines. Dopamine. Seritonan. It's all just a matter of tweaking chemistry. And then just blasting on ahead to acheieve the next goal. Nothing's about the process any more. It's really no wonder I focus on the end of things. That's just how I was brought up. That's how my father and grandmother look at life. Become. I know how to "become." I wish I knew how to "be."
-Mike
I don't know what I'm going to do today. My sister badly wants me to come with her to explore Norup today, but people may be hanging out. It'd be nice to see Danny and Janet today. Tomorrow we take pictures. Tomorrow we arrive at BHS at 8 AM to take pictures. Tomorrow is the end of summer. Only a weekend follows tomorrow. There's no more time. It's too late to try to feel better and enjoy myself. Tomorrow is the day I've focused on all summer. If there was any way I could have just enjoyed what I was doing while I was doing it...that would have been close to peace. But it's too late now. And I know better. I know my mind isn't capable of that kind of peace. No matter what the mommy says. All I can do now is improve my general health.
I can't believe picture day is already a day away. Summer was ending the minute it stated. It hasn't felt like two and a half months. It's felt more like two and a half days. Then I look at the archives. I look at all I've lived. All the things I've done and all the people I've talked to. Amazing that time is strong enough to consume all of it; strong enough to make so much living pass, and feel like it occurred in only 60 seconds. Someday I'm going to be able to live in the moment, and disconnect myself from the past and the future; Someday, I'm going to defeat time.
But it's too late now. Maybe not...maybe I will have oppportunity to enjoy myself during the school year. But then, during the school year, there is real cause for anxeity. There is more cause for anxeity than the shit I invent for myself during the summer. But victory would be achieved through the same detatchment.
The easy way out is also starting to look nice. They'd diagnose generalized anxeity and depression after having talked to me once. Little purple pills. "Cosmetic drugs." The whole world is focused on the past and the future...learning from experience and blasting on ahead in every area of life. The people who can't keep up, the people who become absolutely exhausted with the pace, the people who get sick on the ride...those people have a problem that can be covered. Amphetamines. Dopamine. Seritonan. It's all just a matter of tweaking chemistry. And then just blasting on ahead to acheieve the next goal. Nothing's about the process any more. It's really no wonder I focus on the end of things. That's just how I was brought up. That's how my father and grandmother look at life. Become. I know how to "become." I wish I knew how to "be."
-Mike