Self-abhorence and tangential information
Why did he give us the time value? I didn't use it. That means I did it wrong. This time, I did all of it wrong, and there's no way around that. All wrong. All wrong. All wrong. All deficient. I don't understand...I just don't understand. I thought I understood. I want to understand...nature. Me. How it works. But I don't understand. One deterministic system on top of another. Interaction after interaction after interaction. Each Goldburg machine interacts with the next...the compilation of which gives us our answer. But I don't understand. To know everything...to know the solution to every chaotic system you have to know the position and velocity of each particle. Do I even know what that means? I don't know. I can't think. FUCK! This should follow as everything else does. I put in so many hours...why don't I get out what comes in? It should be equal. The points should fall on a sine curve. I should receive by a factor of the same amplitude. I should receive an equal reaction. Why don't I understand? It should be simple...I've always thought it was simple, but the more you learn, the more you just don't know. Uncertaintly. Chaos. FUCK! I fucking did it wrong. All wrong. Fuck. I don't get it. You fucks! Its just another system. The measure of comprehension, then? I'M SORRY FOR THE BILE ON MY BREATH! I'm sorry my hands shake! I'm sorry it's all for nothing! Fuck! It's for nothing! FUck! I RENOUNCE ORDER! I am forsaken by the Order! Fuck me! Fuck school. Fuck order. Fuck the Earth. Fuck truth. It's all done. It's over now. I can't again. I can't fail again. I can't get kicked in the face any more. Strangled. I can't. Can't Can't Can't Can't Can't Can't. Fuck you! I'll say it as much as I want. Can't Can't Can't Can't. I hate myself and the sensation of consciousness in my head so much right now, that words fail to describe it. I would do anything to aleive this burning agony of sentience, as long as it doesn't have to be by my hand. My will power fails. Can't Can't Can't Can't