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Character: Kanaya Maryam
Series: Homestuck
Age: 6, which is to say the equivalent of about 13
Canon: It’s your thirteenth birthday, and all you wanna do is open some presents, talk to your friends online, and play video games. But somehow the universe has decided that that would be too sensible, so you find yourself instead becoming the star of a pseudo-text adventure involving fantastic creatures, time travel antics, apocalyptic catastrophes, and an epic quest with mechanics that rely heavily on the use of the internet. So it comes as no surprise that you’ll eventually also find yourself being pestered by a number of the web’s favorite sons… the trolls.
One member of the bothersome band befrienemying the heroic party throughout their ordeal is Kanaya Maryam. She’s a bit unusual for a troll for various reasons, but one of the more obvious of these is simply the fact she often has less interest in real antagonism than in helping in a stubborn and frustratingly fussy fashion, as evidenced by her internet handle “grimAuxiliatrix.” Her demeanor is typically serious, if a little snooty and pretentious-seeming, and her way of speaking follows suit, Being Very Logical And Carefully Pronounced And Without Many Overt Signs Of Emotion. But because it’s often full of big words, long sentences, and difficult concepts, it sounds intelligent and superior right up until she starts babbling or goes off on some complicated metaphysical tangent and manages to confuse and embarrass not only the person she’s talking to, but herself as well. Add to that a sense of humor still partially under construction and a love of fashion, topiary, and (perhaps more guiltily) bad vampire romance novels, and you have one dorky, snarky “lousy stupid goddamn supportive friend.”
Sample Post:
GA: Why Is It That When The Subject Of Horticulture Is Broached You Humans Are The Only Ones Whose Sparing Intellects Do Not Instantly Assume The Most Ingratiating Posture Of Surrender Imaginable
GA: Plants Are Not That Difficult To Understand
GA: Even If The Particular Flora Is Alien In Nature And Forces You To Adjust Certain Former Assumptions When The Breeze Gradually Alerts You To The Presence Of A Tree Whose Usual Foliage Has Been Replaced By Netherdressings
GA: But No
GA: The Utilitarian Nature Of My Fellow Trolls Has Always Led To A Poor Appreciation Of Both Fashionable Clothing And Any Aspect of Nature That Is Neither Edible Nor Actively Attempting To Consume Them Or I Suppose In This Case Whatever Else It May Be That Your Large Sea Creature Does With Those Victims It Captures
GA: Sadly It Is An Attitude Which I Do Not Believe Will Change In This New Environment Despite Its Novelty
GA: Where Even The Heinous Broods Of The Undead Are Markedly Different From Our Own
GA: Though I Wonder
GA: If The Rules Concerning These Creatures Are Altered Then Is It Possible That The Same Could Be Said Of Others
GA: And That Even Now There Are A Number Of Those Particular Fabled And Misunderstood Beings Among Us Avoiding Detection And Persecution While Surreptitiously Drinking From The Great Feast Of Multispecies And Multicolored Blood In This Strange Universal Meetingplace
GA: And Teaching A Special Young Troll About Their World Of Danger And Forbidden Passion And Tasting The Rainbow
GA: Wait
GA: Its Clear That Was Just A Joke Right
GA: Uh Well
GA: In Any Case
GA: Despite Any Differences Or Oddities We May Come Across Here It Would Seem That It Is Too Late At This Point To Affect Much Change In Our Current Situation
GA: Whether Our Presence Here Is Another Consequence Of Our Own Actions
GA: Or Perhaps Of Those Of The Humans
GA: At The Very Least It Does Not Seem To Be The Natural Course Of Events Despite Its Inevitability
GA: If The Natural And Inevitable Are Concepts That Can Ever Be Said To Be Exclusive Of One Another
GA: Though From What I Have Seen Of This Tuesday Soup If It Is Possible In Any Sphere At All Then This Camp Holds That Sphere
GA: If That Makes Any Sense
GA: Actually Now That I Think About It I Dont Believe It Does So Forget I Said Anything
GA: Perhaps I Should Just Delete This Before Someone Sees It And Starts
GA: Judging
--
Voting went here; 78.3%
Series: Homestuck
Age: 6, which is to say the equivalent of about 13
Canon: It’s your thirteenth birthday, and all you wanna do is open some presents, talk to your friends online, and play video games. But somehow the universe has decided that that would be too sensible, so you find yourself instead becoming the star of a pseudo-text adventure involving fantastic creatures, time travel antics, apocalyptic catastrophes, and an epic quest with mechanics that rely heavily on the use of the internet. So it comes as no surprise that you’ll eventually also find yourself being pestered by a number of the web’s favorite sons… the trolls.
One member of the bothersome band befrienemying the heroic party throughout their ordeal is Kanaya Maryam. She’s a bit unusual for a troll for various reasons, but one of the more obvious of these is simply the fact she often has less interest in real antagonism than in helping in a stubborn and frustratingly fussy fashion, as evidenced by her internet handle “grimAuxiliatrix.” Her demeanor is typically serious, if a little snooty and pretentious-seeming, and her way of speaking follows suit, Being Very Logical And Carefully Pronounced And Without Many Overt Signs Of Emotion. But because it’s often full of big words, long sentences, and difficult concepts, it sounds intelligent and superior right up until she starts babbling or goes off on some complicated metaphysical tangent and manages to confuse and embarrass not only the person she’s talking to, but herself as well. Add to that a sense of humor still partially under construction and a love of fashion, topiary, and (perhaps more guiltily) bad vampire romance novels, and you have one dorky, snarky “lousy stupid goddamn supportive friend.”
Sample Post:
GA: Why Is It That When The Subject Of Horticulture Is Broached You Humans Are The Only Ones Whose Sparing Intellects Do Not Instantly Assume The Most Ingratiating Posture Of Surrender Imaginable
GA: Plants Are Not That Difficult To Understand
GA: Even If The Particular Flora Is Alien In Nature And Forces You To Adjust Certain Former Assumptions When The Breeze Gradually Alerts You To The Presence Of A Tree Whose Usual Foliage Has Been Replaced By Netherdressings
GA: But No
GA: The Utilitarian Nature Of My Fellow Trolls Has Always Led To A Poor Appreciation Of Both Fashionable Clothing And Any Aspect of Nature That Is Neither Edible Nor Actively Attempting To Consume Them Or I Suppose In This Case Whatever Else It May Be That Your Large Sea Creature Does With Those Victims It Captures
GA: Sadly It Is An Attitude Which I Do Not Believe Will Change In This New Environment Despite Its Novelty
GA: Where Even The Heinous Broods Of The Undead Are Markedly Different From Our Own
GA: Though I Wonder
GA: If The Rules Concerning These Creatures Are Altered Then Is It Possible That The Same Could Be Said Of Others
GA: And That Even Now There Are A Number Of Those Particular Fabled And Misunderstood Beings Among Us Avoiding Detection And Persecution While Surreptitiously Drinking From The Great Feast Of Multispecies And Multicolored Blood In This Strange Universal Meetingplace
GA: And Teaching A Special Young Troll About Their World Of Danger And Forbidden Passion And Tasting The Rainbow
GA: Wait
GA: Its Clear That Was Just A Joke Right
GA: Uh Well
GA: In Any Case
GA: Despite Any Differences Or Oddities We May Come Across Here It Would Seem That It Is Too Late At This Point To Affect Much Change In Our Current Situation
GA: Whether Our Presence Here Is Another Consequence Of Our Own Actions
GA: Or Perhaps Of Those Of The Humans
GA: At The Very Least It Does Not Seem To Be The Natural Course Of Events Despite Its Inevitability
GA: If The Natural And Inevitable Are Concepts That Can Ever Be Said To Be Exclusive Of One Another
GA: Though From What I Have Seen Of This Tuesday Soup If It Is Possible In Any Sphere At All Then This Camp Holds That Sphere
GA: If That Makes Any Sense
GA: Actually Now That I Think About It I Dont Believe It Does So Forget I Said Anything
GA: Perhaps I Should Just Delete This Before Someone Sees It And Starts
GA: Judging
--
Voting went here; 78.3%