(no subject)
What have I done? I need help. I have screwed up so badly. I should have known this would happen. Hell, my mother did. Every winter it's the same thing. Relizing the truth to what I have been doing my whole life, I see that it isnt me. I consist of two people. Normal me, and depressed me. I can no longer function as both. If it means I must go against everything I have ever stood for to make it better I am willing to do it. I will take whatever medications they shove at me, and try whatever treatments they think will work. I am not trying to push of blame, mearly trying to explain. I am insane. I need to remember those words. I hae lost everything that meant anything to me. Actually I lost the only thing that ever meant anything to me. I lost my license, and I am sad but I shrug it off with some hope. This consumes me everynight. I lie awake tossing and turning, crying myself into submission. Yes, I cry. The cold heartless bastard cries. I need you. I know it now. I see it on every sign, and I hear it in ever song. I cannot fuction anymore. It has never been you, and it is about time I relize it. I have been the source of every problem we ever had. You know me. You know that it kills me to admit I have a problem. In fact you know its one of my biggest fears. I am supposed to be perfect. I'm not. And as I sit her tears rolling down my cheek, the only thought in my mind is that I am not good enough for you if I am not perfect.