putting it out there
so i'm at a crossroads...and i could use some advice if any of you out there care to give it.
first, i'll start with the background info:
so tomorrow (valentine's day) would have made it a year for me and kirk, had we not broken up multiple times sice getting together. we broke up, each time, due to his cheating/me not feeling like i could trust him.
now, we also kept getting back together....yes, some of that was due to a prevailing attraction, but it was also due to an enduring bond we both shared. i don't question wether or not i care about him...
that said, however, i do question wether or not i will ever trust him completely, given his propensity toward infedelity. i also question wether he and i would ever really last, as we do have some serious differences.
but ever since he moved to kentucky, he's been telling me how much he loves me, how important i am to him, etc etc. what i wanted to know was...why it took him going to kentucky to figure that out (or voice it)...and why he expects me to 'wait for him' when he couldn't handle being faithful to me when he was living here.
i mean, supposing he has changed, and is no longer prone to cheating, does that erase the past and the damage it has done?
don't i have the right to an equal relationship, where i can expect the same thing from the other person as i do from myself?
and does it make sense to commit to something (or someone) when you had doubts things would work *before* they moved several states away?
he's mad because i don't want to commit right now. i'm mad because i feel he's asking too much of me, especially when he himself couldn't handle that in the past.
with all that i've just said, i have to wonder why i feel so goddamned guilty for wanting what i do (ie: to not commit to him until he's back and i see i can trust him).
i mean...i just want to be happy, and to be with someone i trust. i don't think i'm asking too much.
first, i'll start with the background info:
so tomorrow (valentine's day) would have made it a year for me and kirk, had we not broken up multiple times sice getting together. we broke up, each time, due to his cheating/me not feeling like i could trust him.
now, we also kept getting back together....yes, some of that was due to a prevailing attraction, but it was also due to an enduring bond we both shared. i don't question wether or not i care about him...
that said, however, i do question wether or not i will ever trust him completely, given his propensity toward infedelity. i also question wether he and i would ever really last, as we do have some serious differences.
but ever since he moved to kentucky, he's been telling me how much he loves me, how important i am to him, etc etc. what i wanted to know was...why it took him going to kentucky to figure that out (or voice it)...and why he expects me to 'wait for him' when he couldn't handle being faithful to me when he was living here.
i mean, supposing he has changed, and is no longer prone to cheating, does that erase the past and the damage it has done?
don't i have the right to an equal relationship, where i can expect the same thing from the other person as i do from myself?
and does it make sense to commit to something (or someone) when you had doubts things would work *before* they moved several states away?
he's mad because i don't want to commit right now. i'm mad because i feel he's asking too much of me, especially when he himself couldn't handle that in the past.
with all that i've just said, i have to wonder why i feel so goddamned guilty for wanting what i do (ie: to not commit to him until he's back and i see i can trust him).
i mean...i just want to be happy, and to be with someone i trust. i don't think i'm asking too much.