19 years, 8 months, 21 days
In biology class the teacher asks, "Can anyone tell me
why a flounder is flat?"
Little Johnny raises his hand.
"Go ahead, Johnny."
"My uncle told me it's because a whale raped the flounder."
"That's terrible, Johnny. I'll have to speak to your
parents about this. Let's try another one. Why does a
lobster's eyes protrude from its head?"
Again Johnny raises his hand.
"We'll give you another chance."
"My uncle said when the whale raped the flounder, the
lobster saw it and his eyes popped out in shock."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The teacher says, "Let's discuss what your fathers do
for a living."
Mary says, "My Dad is a lawyer. He puts bad guys in
jail."
Jack says, "My Dad is a doctor. He makes all sick people
better."
The teacher says to little Johnny, "Johnny, what does
your Dad do ?"
Little Johnny says, "My Dad is dead."
She says, "I'm sorry to hear that.
But what did he do before he died?"
Little Johnny says, "He turned blue and shit on the
carpet."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asks
the students, "Billy, if you were on a date, having supper
with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you
have to go to the bathroom?"
"Just a minute, I have to go piss."
"That would be rude and impolite!!! What about you Bobby,
how would you say it?"
"I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll
be right back."
"That's better," said the teacher, "but it's still not
very nice to say the word bathroom at the table. And you
Little Johnny, are you able to use your intelligence for
once and show us your good manners?"
"I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment,
I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine whom
I hope you'll meet after dinner."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers told her
students that she wanted each of them to have
learned one fact about Jesus by the next Sunday.
The following week she asked each child in turn
what they had learned.
Susie said, "He was born in a manger."
Bobby said, "He threw the money changers out of
the temple."
Little Johnny said, "He has a red pickup truck but
he doesn't know how to drive it."
Curious, the teacher asked, "And where did you learn
that, Johnny?"
"From my Daddy," said Little Johnny. "Yesterday we
were driving down the highway, and this red pickup
truck pulled out in front of us and Daddy yelled at
him, 'Jesus Christ! Why don't you learn how to drive?'"
I would write something deep and meaningful but I really have nothing I want to share right now.
Ask questions, I might answer.
why a flounder is flat?"
Little Johnny raises his hand.
"Go ahead, Johnny."
"My uncle told me it's because a whale raped the flounder."
"That's terrible, Johnny. I'll have to speak to your
parents about this. Let's try another one. Why does a
lobster's eyes protrude from its head?"
Again Johnny raises his hand.
"We'll give you another chance."
"My uncle said when the whale raped the flounder, the
lobster saw it and his eyes popped out in shock."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
The teacher says, "Let's discuss what your fathers do
for a living."
Mary says, "My Dad is a lawyer. He puts bad guys in
jail."
Jack says, "My Dad is a doctor. He makes all sick people
better."
The teacher says to little Johnny, "Johnny, what does
your Dad do ?"
Little Johnny says, "My Dad is dead."
She says, "I'm sorry to hear that.
But what did he do before he died?"
Little Johnny says, "He turned blue and shit on the
carpet."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asks
the students, "Billy, if you were on a date, having supper
with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you
have to go to the bathroom?"
"Just a minute, I have to go piss."
"That would be rude and impolite!!! What about you Bobby,
how would you say it?"
"I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll
be right back."
"That's better," said the teacher, "but it's still not
very nice to say the word bathroom at the table. And you
Little Johnny, are you able to use your intelligence for
once and show us your good manners?"
"I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment,
I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine whom
I hope you'll meet after dinner."
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
A Sunday School teacher of preschoolers told her
students that she wanted each of them to have
learned one fact about Jesus by the next Sunday.
The following week she asked each child in turn
what they had learned.
Susie said, "He was born in a manger."
Bobby said, "He threw the money changers out of
the temple."
Little Johnny said, "He has a red pickup truck but
he doesn't know how to drive it."
Curious, the teacher asked, "And where did you learn
that, Johnny?"
"From my Daddy," said Little Johnny. "Yesterday we
were driving down the highway, and this red pickup
truck pulled out in front of us and Daddy yelled at
him, 'Jesus Christ! Why don't you learn how to drive?'"
I would write something deep and meaningful but I really have nothing I want to share right now.
Ask questions, I might answer.