at a loss for words
i am. so. tired.
i feel faint.
but i promised myself a post, and a post i shall make.
ok so, on sunday, my friend Liz was having a movie night. honestly, i was so juiced when she told me 'cuz i'd just been so busy with finals that some fun sounded great. so i was really excited, and when she asked if i would go i was like hell to the yeah without really thinking it through.
i was thinking, oh my god, what if she goes too?
but i reckoned she wouldn't go, so i didn't fret.
and then sunday, my other friend, who is friends with her, wakes me up and is like basically telling me about how she doesn't have a ride home and some other piss & dribble.
and then she says some like
ok well ill just ask ______ when she's gonna leave and maybe she can give me a ride.
...
WHAT
i was shocked at the thought that she'd even go. so of course i became really aprehensive about going. then i was just like, you know, im not gonna not spend time with mutual friends just because we're awkward around each other.
so i went, and as im walking to Liz's house, im just...absolutely petrified, for lack of a better word.
and i walk in and i quickly realize...she didn't come. of course not. relief...and a very distant, slight feeling of dissapointment.
and guess what. it gets worse. we watch the movies, and its all fun and shit until we go to liz's room, and we just start talking
and like word vomit, i let liz and our friend really into myself, and gave them a lot of insight into how i think, and the way my mind words, and sorta my perspective on life. it's good in that maybe they'll understand my actions and decisions a bit more but...it was horrible. i felt(feel) so uncomfortable with them knowing this about me! i feel violated, intruded, even tho they didn't prod me to tell them, i just kinda let it out.
so i walked out of liz's house like at 2:00a.m., shaking, and not because it was cold. i couldn't believe what i had done.
right. but that was two days ago.
so today was the first day of 2nd semester. my last semester of high school. hmm..i feel kinda like...a tiny bit blue about that, but im more worried about the amount of work i'll have to do because...
...i have zero period p.e.
starting tomorrow...omfg!!
at least now i can say i had zero period...but fuck!! i have to get up at 5:45 at the latest
ugh this is some bullshit.
p.s. the picture i took on a walk i went on today. you can see the oak hill street sign, which is where i live.