true stories from the western front
I get stared at in my car a lot. Maybe it's my totally wacky bumper sticker ("these republicans are scaring me!"), maybe it's "hey, pretty lady," I don't know. And sometimes I feel like the best way to deal with this is, rather than a) flipping them off; b) rolling my eyes and speeding away (v. difficult when at red light); or c) pointing to my wedding ring (he shrugged and kept making kissy faces at me), to smile and wave cheerfully. Hi there! Yes, you! I see you! You see me! And I see you seeing me! These windows are glass! Hello! Creep machine!
In the past week I have waved cheerfully at:
-car full of Mexicans
-old man treading the line between Creepy and Innocuous
The song "Niteclub" by the Old 97's is a really good speed for me to sing to myself while I go running (if I try to listen to my iPod while running I will die from either a) trying to run as fast as Justin Timberlake can dance or b) not hearing a big truck and getting run over).
Telephones make strangers out of lovers
Whiskey makes the strangers all look good
Tonight my dog stopped to inspect a telephone pole (v. imp!) and I very nearly called him "Whiskey." I was mid-stanza, what do you expect?!
I recently switched birth controls to this incredible pill called Seasonale which is so named because, get this, you don't have a period for three months. No shit! You have twelve weeks of pink pills and one week of white pills. This shit is serious, yo; I'd been taking all the blue pills of my Ortho Cyclen in a row for a while and my uterus was like, uh huh, that's cute, but as soon as I switched to these pretty pink pills my uterus shut right up. But now it's been 11.5 weeks, and my body is totally freaking out.
Viz:
-total facial breakout/meltdown
-boobs becoming large magnets for pain
-uterus trying really freaking hard
They said, you may experience "breakthrough" but give it the full three months; everything has been GLORIOUS up until now and psst, here's a secret for the haters, I've been having SO MUCH SEX the last three months, but THE LAST WEEK AND A HALF, OH MAN, MY FACE AND MY BODY. THIS SHIT BETTER GET STRAIGHTENED OUT FAST, STAT.
In the past week I have waved cheerfully at:
-car full of Mexicans
-old man treading the line between Creepy and Innocuous
The song "Niteclub" by the Old 97's is a really good speed for me to sing to myself while I go running (if I try to listen to my iPod while running I will die from either a) trying to run as fast as Justin Timberlake can dance or b) not hearing a big truck and getting run over).
Telephones make strangers out of lovers
Whiskey makes the strangers all look good
Tonight my dog stopped to inspect a telephone pole (v. imp!) and I very nearly called him "Whiskey." I was mid-stanza, what do you expect?!
I recently switched birth controls to this incredible pill called Seasonale which is so named because, get this, you don't have a period for three months. No shit! You have twelve weeks of pink pills and one week of white pills. This shit is serious, yo; I'd been taking all the blue pills of my Ortho Cyclen in a row for a while and my uterus was like, uh huh, that's cute, but as soon as I switched to these pretty pink pills my uterus shut right up. But now it's been 11.5 weeks, and my body is totally freaking out.
Viz:
-total facial breakout/meltdown
-boobs becoming large magnets for pain
-uterus trying really freaking hard
They said, you may experience "breakthrough" but give it the full three months; everything has been GLORIOUS up until now and psst, here's a secret for the haters, I've been having SO MUCH SEX the last three months, but THE LAST WEEK AND A HALF, OH MAN, MY FACE AND MY BODY. THIS SHIT BETTER GET STRAIGHTENED OUT FAST, STAT.