Like a whisper she was gone

[notamistake]

I was kinda wantin' to throw down with that blonde chick, Britney I think, but I didn't bother. Mostly all I could think about was gettin' the hell out of Alyx's little Zoo for Wayward Slayers. Bein' trapped in that little cage in her bedroom was about the second closest thing to hell I could imagine. No. That'd be Angelus. Alyx ranked second. Sure

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[cordys_bitch]

It mattered, but I wasn't going to push that debate right now. Maybe this Alyx could kick my ass all over LA, but whatever I'd had my ass smacked down plenty of times before. I wasn't leaving Faith on her own here. It a perfect world, she'd be ready to go back and see Dad, Buffy and the others so we could form a team effort to keep her safe. Fuck me, could I be more like my old man? When did that happen? I used to be all about working solo and now I want to have a team. Guess it was because I never liked magic much and I hated the idea of Faith being scared after everything she'd been through.

She was bogarting the joint something fierce, but I just set to work rolling a second one. Had a feeling we would be working our way through the bag over the next few days. The place was real nice and I was fine with hanging out here as long as she wanted. Just needed to grab some cash out of the bank tomorrow and we'd be set.

"I was coming back to tell my dad that I wanted him to fix the memory spell on the fake parents because I was ready to return to my real life. I got why he did it for me, but it was a lie and I just couldn't live it any more. Once the memories were back and I remembered everything, Stanford wasn't the place for me."

I took the joint from her when she passed it over and inhaled deep. My body was relaxing and the haze was nice. I'd been wanting to chill out since I first came across Faith tonight. She looked like she needed to do relax too. This was cool.

"Besides it was only a matter of time before someone used the Riley's as a way to get to me or Dad. That wasn't right to them. They're good people." I passed the joint back to her and said in a soft voice, "That life wasn't what I was supposed to have. Hell dimensions, violence, fighting demons and the old man, that's my real life."

[notamistake]

I nodded at him. What else could I do? It wasn't like I knew the first thing about that shit. Fake memories? Wantin' to turn his back on this nice normal little slice of pie his Dad had just handed to him on a spoon. Maybe I was a little bitter. Okay, I was alot bitter. That was pretty much the long and the short of it. Jealousy had always gone hand in hand with bein' me.

He rolled up a second joint and lit it up and I realized that I'd smoked most of the first one on my own. That was okay though, looked like he had plenty of herb and I was really just along for the ride. It wasn't like I was lookin' for handouts either. He'd offered this up for me. Think he was a little lost and I was givin' him something to focus on. Something to save. I almost snorted at that. His Dad'd already tried that one and look where it'd gotten me. Sometimes people just couldn't be saved.

Maybe I should just go back to Alyx.

Killed the beer and finished the joint, butting it out in the empty beer bottle and settin' the roach down on the coffee table. Lightin' up a cigarette I leaned back into the couch already feelin' a whole lot less sober and a whole lot better. And maybe a little paranoid too. Never a good combo with a slayer on the run.

"Seems like Angel worked pretty fucking hard to keep you away from all that noise." I commented aimlessly before turnin' my chin to look up at him next to me. "Just sayin'. Sounds like you got a pretty cooshy lifestyle with the Riley's. Can't imagine wantin' to leave."

[john_allerdyce]

I looked down while taking a long drag off the new joint and passed it over to her without looking up. She was right. Dad had tried his best to give me the life he thought I deserved. The second chance that he wished he could have provided for me the first time around before things got all screwed up.

"I don't want to leave them. I have to, though. As long as I'm there they are at risk. The last time someone wanted to get my attention, they had me hit by a van and pinned me against the Riley's garage door to prove to me that I wasn't a normal kid. Then they attacked the Riley's and me a couple weeks later. It's only a matter of time before word gets out that the best way to get to me or Angel is to torment the Riley's. My little sister is just a kid. I can't have that on my conscience."

I leaned back on the couch and looked over at Faith who was toking on the joint and watching me through dark unreadable eyes. I couldn't tell if she understood where I was coming from or if she was too high to care. She looked a little more relaxed than when I first found her though so that was an improvement.

"It's cool. I had it for a little while and it chilled me out. I'm not wanting to kill everything in my path anymore." I paused, and then added, "But I will kill to protect you. I'm not being cocky or anything, but I'm still me, Faith. I get this chick has a lot of power and stuff, but there has to be a way to protect you. You and me, we're pretty powerful when working together, right?"

[notamistake]

Guess he had a point with the whole thing about wantin' to protect the Riley's. Especially since they had a little girl, I wouldn't wanna be responsible for any whack shit happenin' to her either. Kinda felt bad for the kid, got this whole world handed to him on a silver platter and the only thing he could do was reject it. No matter how badly Angel wanted him to embrace it. He really was a stubborn bastard, just like his Dad. I really needed to stop comparing Connor to Angel.

"I don't know...." I finally said because honestly? I had no idea what kinda power I had anymore. Was I still the Slayer? Could I still fight and usually lose but occasionally win? I had no idea. All I knew was that I didn't have a heartbeat, but I wasn't a vampire. I didn't really feel evil or nothin'. Just kinda...empty. I couldn't really explain it. It was like this can opener just drilled straight into me and then the contents all leaked out and I was gone. Just this shell of a thing I used to be.

I believed him when he said he would kill to protect me even if I didn't understand why Angel's son who I didn't even really know all that well was suddenly wantin' to be my bodyguard. Not that I needed one or particularly wanted one. My goal was to stick to the shadows and figure shit out for myself before I decided whether to let anyone know that I was back. Not alive. But back.

"I don't even know what I am anymore." I admitted quietly to him, annoyed now that I'd gotten so stoned that I couldn't emerge from the murky haze that had fogged up my brain.

"Maybe I should just go back to Alyx. At least she can tell me what I am, how I'm back. What the fucking point is other than to get under Angel's skin."

[cordys_bitch]

I related to the not knowing what she was anymore. That was how I felt when the memories came crashing back and I took out Sahjahn. Suddenly I wasn't really Connor Riley anymore, but I didn't feel the old me either. I had my abilities, but I was rusty.

"Let's find out what you are." I said as I stood up. I was high and so was she, but the thing about having super powers was your instincts kicked in fast. "Aren't you curious if you can still kick my ass?"

I smirked at her when she gave me a curious look. "Come on, sparring with me has to be a better alternative than going back to Alyx, right? I haven't had a decent fight in awhile and I'm thinking you have to have some aggression to get out."

I was more than a little freaked out that she wanted to go back to the person who had brought her back, but I guess I could relate to that too. I was the one who was just biding my time before I showed up at Dad's to basically announce that I was back and wanted to be a part of his team. There were worse ways to spend the night than having Faith beat on me too. I liked it the last time she did it.

[notamistake]

"No." I quickly shook my head at him and looked back at the television when he suddenly bounced up and offered to let me kick his ass. He was a wicked sweet kid and all but I just...there was no thrum under my skin. No blood rushing through my veins, no familiar warmth makin' my thighs a few degrees warmer. I didn't even feel alive and when I was fighting? That was when I felt most alive. I didn't wanna fight, I wanted to....sit here and figure out what I was gonna do next. Sweet offer, but naw I wasn't gonna do it.

Before I knew it I was bein' pulled to my feet and a sloppy punch came at my eye. Easily I ducked it and gave Connor a serious look. "I said, knock it off." He only threw another punch at me and this time it hit me squarely in the jaw. Okay, now I was gettin' a little irritated. Before I knew it I swung back another punch at him so hard he slammed into the wall behind him and slumped to the floor.

With a deep breath I realized that I still didn't even feel better like I usually did. Just felt like a dead strong thing? Dunno. He lunged at me and next thing I knew I was on my back and he was on top of me. Fucking lost it. I didn't even knew where my mind went but I launched him off of me so hard I was afraid I'd take his head off for a minute.

Springin' back up to my feet he didn't even have a chance before I hit him again and then lashed out a violent kick to his ribs, sendin' him rollin' across the floor.

Walkin' over to him I grabbed him by his shirt and realized his mouth was bleedin'. For his own good. "Remember what you promised me." I said quietly before slamming his head down on the floor.