Finally when I got up those hours and hours later, I felt a little better. The headache was gone and I didn't have that taste in my mouth. I still needed a shower, but more so, I needed something to drink, like now. Getting out of bed, I searched around the place for my shoes, but then figured that it didn't matter that much. Socks would be fine. I headed out of my room and passed the few doors that it took to get to the stairs. I almost wanted to talk to Cordelia again. Almost.
Skipping down the downs, I noticed someone outside and I tilted my head, looking him over and realized it was Wes. I wonder if he was still blind ... but that bump kinda told me that he was. Get water, go see Wes. Which, I did and now I was holding a cold glass of water as I walked up behind him.
It sucked that he couldn't see anything, not anymore, and hey, why aren't we fixing that whole thing? I'd have to talk to Angel about that. I mean, if he screwed something else up, he should be able to fix something, shouldn't he? Shrugging, I stood where I was at, but didn't know what to say to Wes. Cause really, we haven't talked that much while I was here, but I'm sure he was ... I don't know, kinda upset that Faith was gone. Kinda being a very, very small ... thing. More like uber, but I don't think Wes would say that. Or something.
"Hey," I said and walked up toward him, standing next to him in front of the rail. "It's Buffy, just in case, well, yeah," I quietly said before looking down at my glass and taking a sip.
This was depressing, and I was starting to regret my choice to come here with Fred. All I could do was stand around being useless. Hell, I was half tempted to go down the stairs and feel around for the potted plant I'd hidden a bottle of scotch so long ago. If I wasn't afraid to tumble down the stairs, I'd do it.
There were some sounds coming from behind me. My eyes ticked to the side without seeing as the doors slide open and closed. The smell of lilacs filled my nose as well as a soft fall of foots. To soft to be Cordelia, to quiet to be one of the guys, and it definitely wasn't Fred. So I wasn't that surprised when Buffy spoke up.
I did however startle slightly when her voice came from so close by. I'd not anticipated that. It would seem I still have a lot to learn when it comes to being blind. "Errr...Hello, Buffy," I said quietly. I turned into the direction of the voice but held onto the railing. "Uhm....how are you holding up?"
I frowned at her tone of voice. Now that I couldn't see the people's bodies as they talked, didn't see their movements, the silent signals, it was hard to read behind the words. I used to be so very good at that. The term 'watcher' wasn't just a title in my case. I watched others; I saw things in the way the moved which they tried to hide behind words. But not anymore.
But Buffy sounded about as bitter as I felt. I could feel her lean against the railing making me turn my face toward her. Her day sucked. Aside from not being able to see anything, my day didn't...suck. Until Angel knocked on our door and tossed reality in our faces again.
"Well," I sighed, "Fred and I were planning on running away to Alaska for some time. But since I'm standing here, without Fred, and not in Alaska, with Fred, you can see how well that went. She's upstairs now, talking to Cordelia."
Why am I here again? To stand around in a garden I cannot see and wait for my keeper to come fetch me? My god, that sounds even bitter in my own head. Drink. I'm in desperate need of a drink. Or two. Sliding my hands over the railing, I moved toward where I thought the stairs would be. For all I knew I could be going in the direction of the wall and wouldn't that be mostly embarrassing.
But when my feet found the first step, I held onto the railing tightly and started to very carefully make my way down the stairs. Now all I need to do is find that big pot with the plant and I'll have my drink. Provided no one else found it. In which case I might just cry. Well no, not really.
"We were...we *are* really loo-" I paused at my own words as I made my way down the stairs. "We are really excited about it," I corrected myself.
"That's the whole point," I say, stumbling down the stairs. Nearly banging my head against the wall, I frown as I plant my hands against it. Potted plant would be to the...left. Against the wall, shouldn't be that hard.
"We'll get us a cabin, plenty of fire wood, enough food make Fred happy for a week or two and then hope to get snowed in. Then it would be just Fred and I without having to bother with the rest of the world. We've not really had a chance to be together she and I since we came back from the death you know." Oh that did not sound at all bitter. Oh no, not at all.
My foot hits something and reluctantly I let go of the wall. Hands brushing against a plant make me smile as they recognize the ficus that's in the pot. Following the plant down until I reach the soil I start to root through it, hoping to still find it here. "It would appear I'm digging," I replied to her question, rolling my eyes.
Nothing. I've been around the damn thing now twice, but there's nothing. I doubt its any deeper down; I don't recall digging that deep. Wonder if Gunn found it. Wonder if he drank it, didn't seem like the whiskey and scotch type to me.
"I don't need any help," I growled annoyed. Dammit, I wish people would stop with that. I'm fine; I don't need any bloody help. I need to learn to deal with this. "I...Its just that I hid a bottle of whiskey some time a go here and I was hoping it was still there. I could do with a sodding drink." Sighing, I feel my way back to the wall again, sinking down to the floor with my back against it.
"Dammit, can't have any time with Fred and now I can't even have a drink either."
Okay, apparently? He wants to be alone and that's what I'm going to do. Leave him alone. Rolling his eyes at me and snapping at me isn't really going to want me to stay. Then again, Wes and I never really got along anyway. S
"Fine. You don't need help, you can't have time with Fred and you can't have a drink. Is that my fault? No, I don't think so. Try rolling your eyes and snapping at someone else and see if they care," I snapped right back at him before turning around and going back up the stairs. If I didn't see him for awhile, then well, I'd tell someone he was down there or something.
Walking back inside, I closed the door behind and looked down at my drink. Time for a fill up and then? Just going back to bed cause there's nothing else to do. Well, there could have been if Wes wouldn't have been such an ass just now.
I could try though. I'm not good at research, but ... I could try. Now if only I knew where to look.
I stood up straighter and blinked in the direction of her voice. Well, looks like someone was still the same selfish girl she was back then. Silly of me to think she'd have changed and could now...oh I don't know, have some thought about how someone might feel in particular situations.
See how she'd feel if she as a Slayer was suddenly struck in a wheelchair and people were constantly hovering over her. Helping her with this, helping her with that while all she wanted was to do it herself. I doubt she'll ever be able to actually get some compassion if she can't by now.
Not that I care. I care about the fact that there's no bottle in this pot. Dammit, I bet Gunn or Angel stole it. Sodding gits. Damn them. What am I supposed to do now while I wait for Fred? I don't even know what the hell I'm doing here. It's not as though I'm of any use.
Moving back a bit I kept reaching back until I felt the wall. Then I slide down, pulled my legs up and tilted my head back. The sun was nice and hot on my face, and when closed my eyes, I could pretend I was still able to see it dance over flowers, casting shadows, glistening over water. But when closed my eyes, it was still the same darkness as when though I had them open.
I could hear from the sound of her footsteps that it was her coming back. Those angry short strides, I'd recognize those anywhere. Now what? Had she forgotten to make clear to me that I was a jerk? I think she did an admirable job of that in Sunnydale. Had she forgotten to try out a few new cuss words she need a nice willing victim for? Ah yes, let's try Wesley. Its not as though he's going to over up much resistance.
Bugger that. I'm not going to sit here and take more of her crap. I'm a person too thank you very much. Just because I'm blind and have accepted this. And just because I *don't* want people hovering over me twenty four hours of the damn day, doesn't mean I'm the biggest arsehole on the planet. At least Fred understood that. Or so I thought. Until she dragged me to this place. Sure, I agreed to come with, but only so she'd not get upset of worry.
That I might get upset was only a minor detail we couldn't be bothering about.
Me? Bitter? Whatever gave you that idea?
I kept my eye closed as she sat down next to me. Not that it would make much difference if I have them open or closed. I had to frown at her tone of voice though. Alright, this was confusing. Now she was going to help me? *And* she was going to get me a drink? What's going on, does she want something from me? Need anything?
"I thought, I was a big jerk you couldn't be bothered with," I said a little bit confused. Seriously, is it any wonder I never made it as a Watcher? Faith was confusing, and Buffy is the same. I swear, it's like they talk in some kind of hidden code language. Maybe I should call Giles and ask him for the... Well no, that wouldn't do much good since I can't read it.
"I wasn't snapping at you and I apologized." Seriously, do I need miss know it all Slayer now? No, I really, really don't. Certainly not if this is her little miss righteous attitude. I'm the hero, I will save you. "Fred and I haven't had a single moment to ourselves since we've died. It's one thing after another."
God died, how horrible does that sound. At least Fred didn't have to watch while I died from Vail's stab wound. Unlike myself. Even the memory of my vision is fading, I can't recall some faces. But hers when she died? I can still see that one so clearly. My heart still breaks when I hear her ask why she couldn't stay. And there'd been nothing I could do about it.
What? Does she think we've not tried? Fred and I went through book after book after book. With her reading and me pointing things out. Getting frustrated because there are so many languages only I could read. And that was when we still had the templates, which could conjure up a few different languages in the off chance that she would be able to read those. Now that we left the bloody firm, we didn't even have those.
"And them my friends do something so stupid as to bring forth Angelus. While they *knew* the risks and he end up killing my slayer and then accuses me of leaving him alone. Add to that the fact that Fred and I've *been* through every damn book I had. Then yes, excuse me for being an honest jerk. But hey, you're used to that when it comes to me anyway."
Sighing, I put my head back against the wall again, my face staring at the sky. "It's not that I don't appreciate your help Miss Summer. Considering you are one of the fist to offer it. But Fred and I have tried everything and I don't know where to....look...anymore." Well, I suppose there are the books I've left behind here. But I'm getting tired of disappointment after disappointment. after... Why does she even care. She never liked me.
"I miss color. The world is a very gray place, I've always thought you know. But its it not until you can't see it anymore when you realize how colorful she is in reality."
Why does she keep on insiting she help me? Aren't there far bigger problems to be concerned about? Well, now that we have Angel back and Angelus is not roaming the streets anymore, I don't suppose there are. Other then a whole bunch of personal problems we all seem to have. Cordelia and Angel feeling guilty because of what had happened. Both feeling guilt for Faith's death. As they should, but I'm not about to say that out loud again. I'm guessing they're feeling guilty enough without me adding to the mix.
I'd always thought that Faith and I could patch things up. We were well on our way, after the last time Angelus was on the loose. She'd even came along to take out Vail, keeping her promise to keep an eye on Fred. She kept her save and in return I couldn't even keep her save. Not from the only person she'd ever trusted, the only person who ever really believed in her. Killed by the monster wearing the face of the only man who meant something in her live.
A missed oportunity. It's funny but in a way I miss her, even if never were that close, we still had that bond.
"What?" I tilted my head into her direction. she seemed to be moving about again talking about books. Where would she look? Where we haven't already looked I suppose. And god, I still need that drink. Desperately. But that wouldn't do much good now would it? Getting drunk is not the answers, I've learned that much in the past. Besides, I don't think Fred would really appreciate it very much either."Well, I don't know what books we've left behind here, Miss Summers," I sighed. And I didn't. The last time I checked on any of the books here, had been when I'd been translating that prophecy. 'The father will kill the son'. And in a way he had.
"You'd have to start by writing down all books that are here so I'll know where to begin, I suppose."
Skipping down the downs, I noticed someone outside and I tilted my head, looking him over and realized it was Wes. I wonder if he was still blind ... but that bump kinda told me that he was. Get water, go see Wes. Which, I did and now I was holding a cold glass of water as I walked up behind him.
It sucked that he couldn't see anything, not anymore, and hey, why aren't we fixing that whole thing? I'd have to talk to Angel about that. I mean, if he screwed something else up, he should be able to fix something, shouldn't he? Shrugging, I stood where I was at, but didn't know what to say to Wes. Cause really, we haven't talked that much while I was here, but I'm sure he was ... I don't know, kinda upset that Faith was gone. Kinda being a very, very small ... thing. More like uber, but I don't think Wes would say that. Or something.
"Hey," I said and walked up toward him, standing next to him in front of the rail. "It's Buffy, just in case, well, yeah," I quietly said before looking down at my glass and taking a sip.
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There were some sounds coming from behind me. My eyes ticked to the side without seeing as the doors slide open and closed. The smell of lilacs filled my nose as well as a soft fall of foots. To soft to be Cordelia, to quiet to be one of the guys, and it definitely wasn't Fred. So I wasn't that surprised when Buffy spoke up.
I did however startle slightly when her voice came from so close by. I'd not anticipated that. It would seem I still have a lot to learn when it comes to being blind. "Errr...Hello, Buffy," I said quietly. I turned into the direction of the voice but held onto the railing. "Uhm....how are you holding up?"
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But Buffy sounded about as bitter as I felt. I could feel her lean against the railing making me turn my face toward her. Her day sucked. Aside from not being able to see anything, my day didn't...suck. Until Angel knocked on our door and tossed reality in our faces again.
"Well," I sighed, "Fred and I were planning on running away to Alaska for some time. But since I'm standing here, without Fred, and not in Alaska, with Fred, you can see how well that went. She's upstairs now, talking to Cordelia."
Why am I here again? To stand around in a garden I cannot see and wait for my keeper to come fetch me? My god, that sounds even bitter in my own head. Drink. I'm in desperate need of a drink. Or two. Sliding my hands over the railing, I moved toward where I thought the stairs would be. For all I knew I could be going in the direction of the wall and wouldn't that be mostly embarrassing.
But when my feet found the first step, I held onto the railing tightly and started to very carefully make my way down the stairs. Now all I need to do is find that big pot with the plant and I'll have my drink. Provided no one else found it. In which case I might just cry. Well no, not really.
"We were...we *are* really loo-" I paused at my own words as I made my way down the stairs. "We are really excited about it," I corrected myself.
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"We'll get us a cabin, plenty of fire wood, enough food make Fred happy for a week or two and then hope to get snowed in. Then it would be just Fred and I without having to bother with the rest of the world. We've not really had a chance to be together she and I since we came back from the death you know." Oh that did not sound at all bitter. Oh no, not at all.
My foot hits something and reluctantly I let go of the wall. Hands brushing against a plant make me smile as they recognize the ficus that's in the pot. Following the plant down until I reach the soil I start to root through it, hoping to still find it here. "It would appear I'm digging," I replied to her question, rolling my eyes.
Nothing. I've been around the damn thing now twice, but there's nothing. I doubt its any deeper down; I don't recall digging that deep. Wonder if Gunn found it. Wonder if he drank it, didn't seem like the whiskey and scotch type to me.
"I don't need any help," I growled annoyed. Dammit, I wish people would stop with that. I'm fine; I don't need any bloody help. I need to learn to deal with this. "I...Its just that I hid a bottle of whiskey some time a go here and I was hoping it was still there. I could do with a sodding drink." Sighing, I feel my way back to the wall again, sinking down to the floor with my back against it.
"Dammit, can't have any time with Fred and now I can't even have a drink either."
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"Fine. You don't need help, you can't have time with Fred and you can't have a drink. Is that my fault? No, I don't think so. Try rolling your eyes and snapping at someone else and see if they care," I snapped right back at him before turning around and going back up the stairs. If I didn't see him for awhile, then well, I'd tell someone he was down there or something.
Walking back inside, I closed the door behind and looked down at my drink. Time for a fill up and then? Just going back to bed cause there's nothing else to do. Well, there could have been if Wes wouldn't have been such an ass just now.
I could try though. I'm not good at research, but ... I could try. Now if only I knew where to look.
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See how she'd feel if she as a Slayer was suddenly struck in a wheelchair and people were constantly hovering over her. Helping her with this, helping her with that while all she wanted was to do it herself. I doubt she'll ever be able to actually get some compassion if she can't by now.
Not that I care. I care about the fact that there's no bottle in this pot. Dammit, I bet Gunn or Angel stole it. Sodding gits. Damn them. What am I supposed to do now while I wait for Fred? I don't even know what the hell I'm doing here. It's not as though I'm of any use.
Moving back a bit I kept reaching back until I felt the wall. Then I slide down, pulled my legs up and tilted my head back. The sun was nice and hot on my face, and when closed my eyes, I could pretend I was still able to see it dance over flowers, casting shadows, glistening over water. But when closed my eyes, it was still the same darkness as when though I had them open.
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Bugger that. I'm not going to sit here and take more of her crap. I'm a person too thank you very much. Just because I'm blind and have accepted this. And just because I *don't* want people hovering over me twenty four hours of the damn day, doesn't mean I'm the biggest arsehole on the planet. At least Fred understood that. Or so I thought. Until she dragged me to this place. Sure, I agreed to come with, but only so she'd not get upset of worry.
That I might get upset was only a minor detail we couldn't be bothering about.
Me? Bitter? Whatever gave you that idea?
I kept my eye closed as she sat down next to me. Not that it would make much difference if I have them open or closed. I had to frown at her tone of voice though. Alright, this was confusing. Now she was going to help me? *And* she was going to get me a drink? What's going on, does she want something from me? Need anything?
"I thought, I was a big jerk you couldn't be bothered with," I said a little bit confused. Seriously, is it any wonder I never made it as a Watcher? Faith was confusing, and Buffy is the same. I swear, it's like they talk in some kind of hidden code language. Maybe I should call Giles and ask him for the... Well no, that wouldn't do much good since I can't read it.
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God died, how horrible does that sound. At least Fred didn't have to watch while I died from Vail's stab wound. Unlike myself. Even the memory of my vision is fading, I can't recall some faces. But hers when she died? I can still see that one so clearly. My heart still breaks when I hear her ask why she couldn't stay. And there'd been nothing I could do about it.
What? Does she think we've not tried? Fred and I went through book after book after book. With her reading and me pointing things out. Getting frustrated because there are so many languages only I could read. And that was when we still had the templates, which could conjure up a few different languages in the off chance that she would be able to read those. Now that we left the bloody firm, we didn't even have those.
"And them my friends do something so stupid as to bring forth Angelus. While they *knew* the risks and he end up killing my slayer and then accuses me of leaving him alone. Add to that the fact that Fred and I've *been* through every damn book I had. Then yes, excuse me for being an honest jerk. But hey, you're used to that when it comes to me anyway."
Sighing, I put my head back against the wall again, my face staring at the sky. "It's not that I don't appreciate your help Miss Summer. Considering you are one of the fist to offer it. But Fred and I have tried everything and I don't know where to....look...anymore." Well, I suppose there are the books I've left behind here. But I'm getting tired of disappointment after disappointment. after... Why does she even care. She never liked me.
"I miss color. The world is a very gray place, I've always thought you know. But its it not until you can't see it anymore when you realize how colorful she is in reality."
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I'd always thought that Faith and I could patch things up. We were well on our way, after the last time Angelus was on the loose. She'd even came along to take out Vail, keeping her promise to keep an eye on Fred. She kept her save and in return I couldn't even keep her save. Not from the only person she'd ever trusted, the only person who ever really believed in her. Killed by the monster wearing the face of the only man who meant something in her live.
A missed oportunity. It's funny but in a way I miss her, even if never were that close, we still had that bond.
"What?" I tilted my head into her direction. she seemed to be moving about again talking about books. Where would she look? Where we haven't already looked I suppose. And god, I still need that drink. Desperately. But that wouldn't do much good now would it? Getting drunk is not the answers, I've learned that much in the past. Besides, I don't think Fred would really appreciate it very much either."Well, I don't know what books we've left behind here, Miss Summers," I sighed. And I didn't. The last time I checked on any of the books here, had been when I'd been translating that prophecy. 'The father will kill the son'. And in a way he had.
"You'd have to start by writing down all books that are here so I'll know where to begin, I suppose."
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