I am flawed but I am cleaning up so well

[womansized]

Buffy and I didn't really do much slaying after our conversation. It wasn't really a surprise considering all the thing I finally knew about. I couldn't believe it. Faith was dead, Spike was back, Angel had gone evil again. Okay. So that part I could believe because it was us. The part that was unbelievable to me was that my big sister couldn't

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[womansized]

When Spike grabbed my elbow and spun me around so fast I was afraid I was going to puke on his shoes I almost slapped him again. Instead I set my mouth into an angry line as I listened to him. It didn't matter what he said! I already knew that....that summer we played Jenga while Buffy was dead. The anger melted away a little bit as I looked up at him. How could I forget that? He was the only one who even noticed me back then. He was probably the only one who noticed me now too.

"Then why didn't you call?! Buffy didn't even know you were alive again until she got back here but at least she got four months of knowing that I didn't get. Everybody is always dying! Now somebody finally came back...again....and maybe I need to know something like that!"

Alright. He might have had a point with the whole two of us not talking. The last time I really talked to Spike was when I was mad at him for what he'd done to Buffy. I was still mad at him for that but I knew that he was different now. I wasn't some fifteen year old with a crush. He had a soul and that made him different from...he wouldn't do that to Buffy again. And not just because I'd kick him really hard in the shins if he ever tried.

[bloody_willy]

"Maybe so. Or maybe, just maybe luv I needed to find out just why I was back in the first soddin place." Wanted to be pissed at her, her and that sister of hers especially. Two of them just didn't know what the big evil lawyer types were capable of in this town. Get your clock cleaned by an army of demons complete with dragons and the whole nine you tend to step a little more softly.

I might just be the baddest assed vamp in history but one against 30,000 weren't odds I was going to take. Alright so it had been four of us in the alley that night. Didn't help the numbers much, whether her and her sister were flittin about or not. Seven or eight versus a horde of demons and dragons

"Had a little bird tell me your sis was getting along just fine in Europe. Don't know why I believed that little wank Andrew but after the big deal about Buffy not trusting Angel and his lot anymore I threw in with 'em, they seemed to need the help."

'Course with Angel and Buffy sharin a zip code again the two of em didn't dare speak a word to me or each other.

"Blame sis or lil' Andy for not knowing I was back niblet. Didn't much figure I'd be around for long."

[womansized]

I frowned again because there he went assuming that just because Buffy didn't like something that I didn't either. We might be sister but we weren't attached at the brain! Or something! I knew that Spike was in love with my sister so she was his number one priority but I had thought we were friends. Maybe he was right. Wasn't I always wrong? Just the stupid kid? The stupid and currently kind of drunk kid.

And I couldn't believe that Andrew knew Spike was back and never even said anything. Then again I guess that was different now because of how Illyria had turned back time. When I was bored and staying with Giles I'd done alot of research on Illyria. Not that there was alot to be found but there were a few things here and there. I couldn't wait to meet her. Was she still around? How much had things changed the second time around? Was I different? Was I still the same? What had that other life been like for me? Okay. Now I was just confusing myself.

"Well, where are you gonna go?" I asked him stubbornly already knowing what the answer was if he said that he wouldn't be around much longer. He and Buffy were exactly alike. They deserved eachother. Come back to me only to be desperate to leave again. I might as well just sell myself to a convent or something.

"And Buffy was not getting along fine in Europe. At least this time anyway. The Immortal smelled funny, he wears way too much cologne. And he slicks back his hair. I thought he was stupid." I offered with a shrug as if Spike even wanted to hear any of it. I didn't care what he wanted to hear.

[bloody_willy]

Felt the beginnings of a smirk tugging at the corners of my cheeks. Had to fight it back though, else she'd go on a rant about taking her seriously and what not.

She and Buffy were two of a kind.

"Immortal is a right ponce you have that right."

Where was I going to go, now that was a buggar of a question. Easy answer would be straight to hell. Been close enough to that during my ghostly days. Insane maybe? Buggared in the head, well fairly sure most everyone already knew that. Least I could admit it.

To myself at least.

"Most likely I'm not going anywhere." I'll flit about in the background not doing a bloody bit of good until Evil Incorporated gets its plan together. Once Alyx makes her move me and Angel will be there to give that smooth arse of hers a good kicking.

"Got nothing but time to kill niblet. Soul of mine won't let me quit the fight, doesn't matter if Angel and your sister want me off to Tim-fuckin-bucktu." Life had been simpler when I could just run off to wherever when the end was nigh. "Got any other burnin questions then?"

[womansized]

"No." I said with a slight pout when he asked me if I had any other burning questions. "Well, not right now. I'm sure I'll think of some." I told him in that I promise you I'll think of some and maybe just to annoy you voice. I was pretty sure Spike was used to that by now. Me and my never ending stream of questions. Maybe that was why he'd stayed away so long, tired of answering them all. Well....too bad! He had to answer them because no one else ever did.

"I haven't seen Angel yet since I got back. Is his hair still stupid?" I asked, knowing full well what Spike's answer would be. He hated Angel. Most of the stories he'd told me when I was younger centered around how much Angel sucked. I was never a big Angel fan from the beginning because he was mean to my sister and made her cry alot. But Spike hadn't exactly been really nice to her either. Just way nicer than Angel. I liked him better. I hoped Buffy would pick him in the end. Spike that is.

She was really dumb sometimes though, so she'd probably pick Angel and then he'd go evil again and kill some more people. Like Faith. I didn't even wanna think about Faith and her dying and her...relationship with my sister. It made total sense, except the part where Buffy wasn't gay. At least I didnt' think she was.

But I didn't think I was either until I made out with my friend Janice that one time. We were just going to practice kissing and I really liked it. Not that anyone ever had to know that. Oh my God, was it like genetic? Maybe I was really gay too!