I am flawed but I am cleaning up so well

[womansized]

Buffy and I didn't really do much slaying after our conversation. It wasn't really a surprise considering all the thing I finally knew about. I couldn't believe it. Faith was dead, Spike was back, Angel had gone evil again. Okay. So that part I could believe because it was us. The part that was unbelievable to me was that my big sister couldn't

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[bloody_willy]

"Being all ghostified wasn't even the worst part of it kitten. Seemed I was bound to the one who released me, which just happened to be Angel." Snorted and took back a long swallow of beer. Story like this, had to keep the tongue good and loose. Least I could skip over the ghost fights and nearly gettin sucked into hell. No need for her to hear about all the gore.

"After a while we figured out it was all a game for some little lawyer that couldn't into Angel's big chair. He ended up turnin me back into a real boy or vampire as it is, even tried to tell me I was the true champion or some such load of bullshite." And hadn't that been fun, trying to snack on Cordelia. "Well we kicked his arse off to a hell dimension just in time for Illyria to make her apperance. Things got a bit muckity and we all ended up dead. Lucky for us we had an ancient god-king to turn back time and give us a mulligan on the first go round. Got Angel to wise up and give the senior slayers a ring for the second chance, since dying for the third time wasn't in my plans. Think that ought to catch you up on most of the fun and games."

Avoided lookin at her and glanced up at the clock on the wall instead. Was I supposed to move it ahead or backward an hour? "Buggar, we're late. You want to hear anymore, finish the pint and come along."

[womansized]

Wow. Alot had happened and it was kind of strange to think about it. Buffy hadn't even been here the first time around before some ancient demon turned back time. I remembered Giles telling me about that back in England. It was so weird! Because if time hadn't turned back I would totally not be in L.A. right now, I'd still be in England. At least I thought that was where I was. I could be different. Everything would be different. It was kind of creepy.

"Huh?" I asked him, his voice cutting through my voice when he told me to come along if I wanted to hear the rest. Come along where? With a shrug I finished off my beer and stood up feeling a little giggly suddenly. Okay, so I had managed to sneak into a bar or two with a friend of mine but I never really drank anything. Was I going to turn into one of those really lame girls that only have a beer and their all drunk and icky?

"Where are we going?" I asked him as I followed him towards the door.

[bloody_willy]

"To a place." Knocked back the last of my bottle and tossed it toward a bin with other empties. Ought to do something about that sometime or another. Now wasn't that time, not at all. "Sort of a musical thing, only well, not really. You'll see."

Didn't need to bother locking up behind myself, nobody on this block wanted to mess with this big bad, troublemakin types had learned that right quick after I'd set up shop here. Caught her givin me one of those Summers-sideways looks as we sauntered up the stairs, always with the wanting more details than a bloke wanted to give. "Fine. Its a bloody club for poetry readings. Told a person I'd be 'round to have a listen to his latest and greatest ode to cheese. One word to anyone and you'll regret it." Nodded as though I meant it. Really what could I do to Dawn? Tell her that Faith an' her sister decided to take after Red and Tara? Best to wait on that till I was good and plastered.

[womansized]

I raised an eyebrow when Spike said we were going to a poetry reading. I mean, I knew that Spike used to like poems and stuff before he became a vampire and I was pretty sure I found a poem about Buffy a really long time ago when I was snooping through his crypt but I had no idea he went to poetry readings. That was actually kind of cool. Weird but cool.

"I promise I won't tell." I said solemnly and I mostly meant it. Not that anyone would believe me anyway. I could just see Xander making so much fun of Spike about it though. It was a good thing Xander didn't know, Xander didn't even know Spike wasn't dead. Or alot more dead. Or something.

I followed Spike into the bar and it was really smoky and the whole place smelled kind of dirty. I thought there would be more like hippies and stuff but it was alot of bikers and the last people I'd ever expect to see at a poetry reading.

"This is really a poetry reading?" I asked Spike in awe just as I almost accidentally bumped into some big biker looking guy. He was a poet? I had a hard time believing that.

[bloody_willy]

Spotted a table off to one side up towards the front and headed toward it. Things had already gotten off on stage so I shot her a 'shut the hell up' look and slid into my seat. Nodded to FJ the bloke she'd jostled as his eyes just about crossed at the sight of the niblet. Yeah she might be filling out alright but she was still off limits to his dirty paws.

"Believe me bit you've never heard a poem until you've listened to a man weep doing on and on about his favorite chopper sliding into a tree. Bring the blood house down they do."

Looked around, wasn't sure where most of the regulars were. This was the night they'd told me. Sure of it, even checked the calender myself. "So, I take it none of this is helping out my big bad, larger than life image is it?"

[womansized]

I quickly quieted down when Spike shot me that familiar look that pretty much told me to shut up. But then he started rambling on and on about a chopper sliding into a tree and poetry? And then about his image and I was having trouble splitting my focus between Spike worrying about his image and the gigantic man on stage speaking low into the microphone about his motorcycle.

He was a really big guy and I wondered if he wasn't really a demon or something. But I didn't think demons went to poetry bars. Or maybe they did since Spike was technically a demon and he was here. I didn't know, but I guessed this was better than sitting in the hotel and waiting for Buffy to actually talk to me for longer than five seconds.

"Not really but that's okay. Your secret's safe with me." I smiled over at Spike as a waitress came over and dumped two beers on our table. I was looking up at her through wide eyes wondering if she'd try and ID me but she didn't. I guess she knew Spike which was cool cause now I could drink when I was out with Spike.

"Why don't you get up there and read one of your poems?" I asked Spike curiously before taking a careful sip from my beer bottle.

[bloody_willy]

"First time for everything is there." Muttered into my fresh pint as the waitress twisted off before I could even ask about my mates. Glanced down at my coaster and spotted a note straight off.

Spike - You cradle robbing sonofabitch. If you can't get in her pants I have just the poem about her eyes waiting.

Flipped the coaster over and looked up at the bar, the snickering band of buggared bastards were waving back to me. Wankers. Dirty minded and about as horny as a goat with two peckers this bunch was. Ought to go over there and tear the lot of 'em up one side and down another. Course they were good drinking lads, besides that I'd be putting the drinks for the bit and I on their tab.

Speaking of the niblet she seemed a bit transfixed on motorcycle sonnet number twenty three for her own good. Waited till it was over fore I had to give an answer. "Don't write poems. Just listen once in a while." Wasn't quite my most convincing like answer, but thats what she was getting. "Any lines of poetical wonder you feel like sharing, I'll get you up there if you like." Raised an eyebrow and smirked. Maybe I ought to change the subject. "You staying at the hotel with sis?"

[womansized]

Spike was giving his friends at the bar a weird look but I was too busy watching the poet on stage to really pay attention to what was going on with him. It was actually really bad poetry and the guy who was reading it was pretty scary but it was kind of fascinating to watch. It was always the one's you least expected, you know?

"That's not true!" I shot back at Spike when he told me he didn't write poems that he just listened. "You used to write like a ton of poems about my sister. I found them all over your crypt one day after school." Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned the part where I used to snoop around Spike's crypt when he wasn't home. Like he would be surprised! I used totally be a little klepto.

Suddenly he changed the subject back to Buffy and where I was staying. I saw that look in his eyes. What was going on with him and Buffy now anyway? Were they back together? They weren't really acting like it but that wasn't exactly surprising for them.

"Yeah. I'm staying at the hotel and Buffy couldn't be less happy about it. She doesn't want me to stay in town." I finished off my beer and started idly peeling the label off as someone else got up on stage.

[bloody_willy]

Was there anybody who hadn't gone snooping about in my old crypt back in the 'Dale? Christ, tween her, Clem, Joyce, Buffy, Harm and the lot of em prouncing about my stuff it was a wonder I hadn't ended up more batshit then Dru.

Hell, even Dru had snooped about.

"Fine, there may have been a poem or two. That's long past niblet." That ought to close the book on her sis and I. Not that it would, just should. Had the feeling I was in for talking over feelings and the lot of that. "About the only thing your sister wants these days is to sit around the hotel trying to out brood Angelcakes."

Flagged down the waitress and got her to bring over another round. Had the feeling this talk was about to take a turn. "She does love to tell everyone around how to live their lives. Someday she'll figure out that isn't in her job duties." She really ought to killing things like me. "Not my job to go telling her that though."

[womansized]

Out brood Angel? Was that even like possible? I didn't really know Angel all that well and honestly I'd never really liked him, but mostly what I'd heard about Angel was that he spent a lot of time in the dark being all quiet and creepy and feeling sorry for himself. That was like brooding right? Buffy wouldn't really do that. Spike was just all sore about a fight that the two of them had or something.

"She's only like that because she cares about us." The words were out of my mouth before I could stop them. Alright, so I was used to angsting alot when it came to my sister but I still loved her alot. I knew that she was a total pain in the butt sometimes but she only did it because she loved us. I knew some part of her loved Spike too. He just had a hard time seeing it.

"And because she wants to send me into an early grave." I nodded, trying to lighten the fact that I'd just defended Buffy and would probably do it again a million times over if I had to.

"What is going on with you two anyway? Are you back together again? Or are you doing the thing where you pretend to hate eachother but when no one is looking you're really together?"

[bloody_willy]

Couldn't help but snort the last swallow of beer out from a nostril at that. Her sister couldn't give half a flying fuck whether I was dust or not. Niblet really had no idea what she'd missed while having her time in the old country. "Sure the slayer cares about you in that sisterly way the two of you have and all."

Fact was her big sis had been perfectly happy setting up home with her other sister and doing some things that even I didn't feel like telling the bint about. "Want to know what is really going on do you? Your sis is doing the thing where she's still hung up on Faith since Angelus drained the life out of her lover." Slammed my empty bottle on the table, somehow holding myself back from smashing the hell out of bottles and table.

Right, wouldn't want to scare the girl.

"Haven't crossed Buffy's path since the two of us helped stick the soul back in Angel. That clear things up for you then Dawnie?"

[womansized]

I nearly jumped out of my skin when Spike slammed the empty beer bottle down on the table. What? Buffy and....Faith? It wasn't that that was completely surprising, if you'd ever been around the two of them you could see how Faith made Buffy kind of gay. But I didn't think that the two of them...would....I guess it made sense. Why Buffy was so destroyed that Faith was dead.

"Oh..." I said quietly and moved my eyes down to the table cause I wasn't sure what to say about any of that or how to make Spike feel better about it. I wasn't sure that I wanted to. Did it even matter? Faith was dead now and I knew that Buffy was in love with Spike she was just...dumb sometimes. Yep. Dumb. And I'd tell her that to. You know, standing from a far away distance. Maybe over the phone.

I just wished Buffy could make up her mind about who she wanted to be with. Angel, Riley, Spike, Faith. I don't know what gave my big sister any right to give me crap about that one time I made out with a vampire on Halloween. She was like way worse at the dating thing than I was.

I needed another drink.

[bloody_willy]

Had half a mind to go on a rant about how I died for that sister of hers. Tortured myself for a soul, for goldilocks. Kept an eye on her for that summer, all cause I'd given my word.

Got that all thrown in my face by two slayers who got bored an horny. Would have been a different story had they invited me along for the slay and tickle, but that wouldn't 'ave been nearly as fun now would it. So out in the cold was tossed poor sad I. Cept it wasn't all that cold in LA, not that I minded since I was dead.

"Juat a dead thing, so who gives a flying fuck." Shoved myself back from the table and got up. "Don't get her riled niblet, won't help anything. Just go home." Didn't right now what else to tell her. "Don't bother with me, I'm beneath her you know."

[womansized]

My eyes got wide as he shoved himself away from the table and stood up really quickly. Don't get who riled up? Buffy? I stood up way too quickly just like he did except I almost fell flat on my face because I didn't really ever drink that much and now I was pretty sure that I was definitely drunk.

"Why do you keep saying that?!" I yelled back at him a little too loudly. Glancing around I realized everybody had stopped what they were doing and were all staring at us. Well...I just didn't care. If Spike wanted to yell at me I could yell right back at him.

"No one ever tells me anything and then you all get mad at me because I start asking questions. What am I supposed to do? Pretend I don't care? Or even better, I can just pretend I don't exist. Just like I used to. Maybe that would make you all feel better cause then you wouldn't have to tell me anything!"

Angrily I spun around and glared at all the people staring at me. What are you all looking at?! Setting my mouth into a hard angry line I stormed out through the front door and back outside. I could just walk home and Spike could go...Spike could go ignore me with Buffy. Maybe they could start a club.

[bloody_willy]

Ground my teeth as I glared at her, stormin out the door just like that sister of hers. Hell, why couldn't things ever just work out without the need to scream and fight and storm off into the night like a bat outta hell.

"You going to go after her or not man?" Great, two of us had become the main attraction. My motorbike loving pal had wandered over from the stage to ask me a question.

"Course I am. No way in hell does that bint get the last word over this big bad!" Ran to the door before yanking it open and slamming it behind me. Left the whole bar frozen for a minute before they want pack to their poetical maxings.

Caught up to Dawnie in a few winks, grabbing her elbow and spinning her 'round, damn near tripping her up. "Listen here niblet and listen good. I'm not mad at you, never have been. Pissed at myself for letting her slip away? You better believe it luv. You and I weren't so much on speaking terms last time I checked. Don't you dare think for a minute I stopped caring. Think I forgot about that summer two of us sat up playing bloody jenga while Buffy was off being dead? Think again."

Stepped back before she could try and slap me again. Already felt that sting once tonight. Felt a lot of stings lately.

[womansized]

When Spike grabbed my elbow and spun me around so fast I was afraid I was going to puke on his shoes I almost slapped him again. Instead I set my mouth into an angry line as I listened to him. It didn't matter what he said! I already knew that....that summer we played Jenga while Buffy was dead. The anger melted away a little bit as I looked up at him. How could I forget that? He was the only one who even noticed me back then. He was probably the only one who noticed me now too.

"Then why didn't you call?! Buffy didn't even know you were alive again until she got back here but at least she got four months of knowing that I didn't get. Everybody is always dying! Now somebody finally came back...again....and maybe I need to know something like that!"

Alright. He might have had a point with the whole two of us not talking. The last time I really talked to Spike was when I was mad at him for what he'd done to Buffy. I was still mad at him for that but I knew that he was different now. I wasn't some fifteen year old with a crush. He had a soul and that made him different from...he wouldn't do that to Buffy again. And not just because I'd kick him really hard in the shins if he ever tried.