"Some of the Ugliest things took the longest time to make..."
I think last night i was about to blow a gasket. Im so stress'd right now that Im just seeing rage. Normally I can handle all sorts of pressure, but for some reason Im gonna blow.
I have way to much to think about and try and finish. I have 56 essays that I need to try and get done with in the next 2-4 weeks. Some of the essays are due in later months so thats some relief.
Im still kind of mad at the physco, jerk who cut my power line. Its kind of freaking me out to tell you the truth. I told Robert about it and he got kind of mad at that situation as well. Speaking of Robert, I was kind of short temper'd with him last night. I felt kind of bad. I was just having and awful few days. Then he told me that he went to a party and that kind of pissed me off a little bit more. He was really hell bent on getting me to talk. I told him why i got mad at the fact that he was going to some silly teeny bopper parties. I know that in his past he use to dink a lot. He even admitted to me that he drank more than he should of. So I guess you can say that he was an Al-kie.. Which he doesnt denie. Well he told me that he quit all of that and I was proud of him. I really was. Well then he tells me that he goes to this party and drank a little. It just really bothers me bc he shouldnt be drinking unless someone's there to watch him. Its not that Im worried that he'll get so drunk he'll cheat one , Im just worried that he'll get so drunk that something could hurt him. I would rather have him cheat on me then get hurt. I really would. I just know that those people that he goes with wouldnt take care of him. Dont get me wrong, I dont condemn drinking at all. I know that when I have small get together's, I drink a little. But im not a heavy drinker.
Like I told Robert, I've worked way to hard to get where I'm at and I cant afford to let some high school parties, or any party, take anything away from me. I wont let anyone or thing take everything I've worked for away. I just dont want to be around people who are going to bring me down whith them. I have my little girl to think about. And she's above all of that.
It was really great what Robert had to say. He just simply said, "okay...Im done with it. No more parties." However, I felt so bad for that. I told him that Im not asking him to give up anything and Im not telling him what to do. I was just telling him how I felt and where I stood on the matter. I just worry about him is all. I really felt that I had to stress to him that Im not asking anything from him. But he understood. He knows I dont tell people how to live their lives. Whatever choice he makes is his, and his alone. I just think it was great that he said that this was a small sacrifice that he was more than willing to give up. It actually shocked me. No one has ever done something like that for ME. It was an act that was unselfish.
On another problem I have. When I was talking to Robert last night, I realized that it bothers him that I dont express how I feel to him. He doesnt ask much from me...just that I let him in. And im trying so hard, really I am. But i am very jaded and have really deep trust issues. Its easy for me to write how i feel rather than say it. Im a writer. I write music, poems, and other works of art. Thats my way of expressing myself. (as you can see from this huge ass LJ) LOL. I need some adive. Anything would help. Robert did something for me...so i wanna do something back. I just dont know how to open up.
Well I think that my ranting is done with. If you've made it down this far...then wow! Thanks? Despite the nasty wheather...everyone have a wonderful day.
ciao
sweetness
I have way to much to think about and try and finish. I have 56 essays that I need to try and get done with in the next 2-4 weeks. Some of the essays are due in later months so thats some relief.
Im still kind of mad at the physco, jerk who cut my power line. Its kind of freaking me out to tell you the truth. I told Robert about it and he got kind of mad at that situation as well. Speaking of Robert, I was kind of short temper'd with him last night. I felt kind of bad. I was just having and awful few days. Then he told me that he went to a party and that kind of pissed me off a little bit more. He was really hell bent on getting me to talk. I told him why i got mad at the fact that he was going to some silly teeny bopper parties. I know that in his past he use to dink a lot. He even admitted to me that he drank more than he should of. So I guess you can say that he was an Al-kie.. Which he doesnt denie. Well he told me that he quit all of that and I was proud of him. I really was. Well then he tells me that he goes to this party and drank a little. It just really bothers me bc he shouldnt be drinking unless someone's there to watch him. Its not that Im worried that he'll get so drunk he'll cheat one , Im just worried that he'll get so drunk that something could hurt him. I would rather have him cheat on me then get hurt. I really would. I just know that those people that he goes with wouldnt take care of him. Dont get me wrong, I dont condemn drinking at all. I know that when I have small get together's, I drink a little. But im not a heavy drinker.
Like I told Robert, I've worked way to hard to get where I'm at and I cant afford to let some high school parties, or any party, take anything away from me. I wont let anyone or thing take everything I've worked for away. I just dont want to be around people who are going to bring me down whith them. I have my little girl to think about. And she's above all of that.
It was really great what Robert had to say. He just simply said, "okay...Im done with it. No more parties." However, I felt so bad for that. I told him that Im not asking him to give up anything and Im not telling him what to do. I was just telling him how I felt and where I stood on the matter. I just worry about him is all. I really felt that I had to stress to him that Im not asking anything from him. But he understood. He knows I dont tell people how to live their lives. Whatever choice he makes is his, and his alone. I just think it was great that he said that this was a small sacrifice that he was more than willing to give up. It actually shocked me. No one has ever done something like that for ME. It was an act that was unselfish.
On another problem I have. When I was talking to Robert last night, I realized that it bothers him that I dont express how I feel to him. He doesnt ask much from me...just that I let him in. And im trying so hard, really I am. But i am very jaded and have really deep trust issues. Its easy for me to write how i feel rather than say it. Im a writer. I write music, poems, and other works of art. Thats my way of expressing myself. (as you can see from this huge ass LJ) LOL. I need some adive. Anything would help. Robert did something for me...so i wanna do something back. I just dont know how to open up.
Well I think that my ranting is done with. If you've made it down this far...then wow! Thanks? Despite the nasty wheather...everyone have a wonderful day.
ciao
sweetness