whats going on in the world of april you ask?
Hey....yes i finally decided to update. and now you are all going to get a thought...or three…or four....well you asked for it. lol.
lets see...i was fired from my job, for reasons that i couldnt help. It wasnt my fault, and i get it back in three weeks...fun? ehh...
i went to a show last friday, and it was pretty cool. I liked all of the bands okay, except gannon could have been better. Music=great screaming=could have been better...i was afraid the singer was going to fall on me more than once... I fell in love with the orphans, and of course ive liked fenn for a while, so it was no surprise they rocked my socks. I spent somewhere around 20 bucks at the show, and still didnt get everything i wanted...i wanted a hat from the orphans, but i was short, so either ill get it offline, or ill get it next time they come to Muskegon (august)….still waiting for that fenn hat…*cough brett cough*…lol
Any who...other than that my life is boring as usual, nothing to do, no one to see, and considering my phone was shut off forever, i couldnt get a hold of anyone...but good news, its back on! and i should be getting a cell phone soon. I was supposed to get it last week but i was too busy...so here i am a week later, still waiting...so all of you that have my number, call me....or ill cry. lol
My hair is all black now. It was purple underneath, and had a streak in the front...but it didnt turn out right, and started to fade to quick, so i gave up on it...ill try again with a different brand, different color perhaps. Suggestions are welcome. lol.
Now...to go off on a tangent.
People ask me often if im okay, and of course yes, i am…that’s always my answer, unless you know me better…and maybe one or two people that reads this actually does. It seems that no matter how bad my life gets, i keep trying to focus on the good parts of it.But sometimes, the bad stuff just overshadows the good for a while... Like the fact that my mother is actually trying to get better now. Shes not doing the best, and i see her get worse everyday. I dont open up...at all, but im scared for her, If she doesnt get this bariatric surgery in order to get her back surgery, she is going to die, and it will happen very soon. And the fact that she started to give up there for a while didnt help either. It just made things worse, and now that she is trying to get better, it is going to take a lot more work for her to fix everything that she screwed up. Even more so the relationship we had was strained. She was trying to get me to pay rent...im 17, and trying to save up for college, how else am i supposed to go? I sure as hell aren’t going to get in on my good looks...i dont think my looks would even get me into a community college...lol. And my grades are good, but not good enough for scholarships that will help a bunch. Well any who, we had a big fight about this, and i think she finally saw my point, that if i dont get a job, work my ass off, and start saving now, im not going to go to college. She went to college on grants because she had two kids, im not going to go ff and have a kid just to go to college, and im sure she doesn’t want that either. I don’t even really want kids....
Im getting to the point where I just want to save money to move out...but i dont want to leave her...i worry too much about her, if shes eating right, and making sure shes doing what shes supposed to be doing...not giving up again. If i move out, i know she will. she constantly lays the guilt trip on me , that im her only reason to live, and that if i leave her, what else will she do? well you know what, she has me, my brother, his fiancé...and a GRANDCHILD now. Its not just her. I think she needs to realize this, and every time i try to talk to her, she changes the subject, or gets hostile. sometimes, its enough to make me want to give up... I cant stand her boyfriend. He does nothing to help her. Its like…he doesn’t care. He goes out and buys a bunch of junk food that we don’t need, eats like 2-3 ice cram sandwiches, or ice cram cones at a time, and just, ugh….i wanna kick him in his head. I try to cook good meals. Like the other day, I baked chicken, breaded it myself(which isnt really hard, but it tastes great), and cooked asparagus and cheese…it was wonderful…but right after that, james comes into the living room with a pudding, ice cream cookie thing, and cheese its….yeah that’s a healthy snack! Geezus…its like hes trying to kill her off.
BLAHBLAHBLAH!!!!
Meh...but at least i know things WILL get better, and life does go on. Ive just lost too many people through out the last two years to lose my mother, i care about her alot, and realise she has given a lot up over the years for me and my brother, Its not our fault she had two kids though, and she doesnt have to make us feel guilty about it. Thats why my brother left home when he did, and thats what makes me want to leave. She complains about never having the money for anything, but doesnt want to try and do anything about it. Her little business doesnt make the money she spends to run it, it all goes right back into bills, then she goes off and spends money on something else she doesn’t need. … or her boyfriend James does…this is a whole different subject…
ANYWHO….
Lets see…
Alexxx-call me…or im me…I miss you, and our conversation last night was wonderful :)
Steph- e-mail me at jasmine_bloodrake@yahoo.com my hotmail account is dumb and doesn’t let me sign on at home
Heather Ann-call me, or come over sometime…
Ben- I love you, you’re a cool kid, but id cry if you shaved your head…so let the tears begin lol
If I forgot you im sorry…i love you, dont kill meh...but im tired, and just wrote a whole bunch….
sorry about the crappy-ness ending...but i spoke my mind...and it felt better. If anyone reads it all..i love you. lol. Take the time to comment as well if you read the whole thing...why not eh?
<3 April Lynne
lets see...i was fired from my job, for reasons that i couldnt help. It wasnt my fault, and i get it back in three weeks...fun? ehh...
i went to a show last friday, and it was pretty cool. I liked all of the bands okay, except gannon could have been better. Music=great screaming=could have been better...i was afraid the singer was going to fall on me more than once... I fell in love with the orphans, and of course ive liked fenn for a while, so it was no surprise they rocked my socks. I spent somewhere around 20 bucks at the show, and still didnt get everything i wanted...i wanted a hat from the orphans, but i was short, so either ill get it offline, or ill get it next time they come to Muskegon (august)….still waiting for that fenn hat…*cough brett cough*…lol
Any who...other than that my life is boring as usual, nothing to do, no one to see, and considering my phone was shut off forever, i couldnt get a hold of anyone...but good news, its back on! and i should be getting a cell phone soon. I was supposed to get it last week but i was too busy...so here i am a week later, still waiting...so all of you that have my number, call me....or ill cry. lol
My hair is all black now. It was purple underneath, and had a streak in the front...but it didnt turn out right, and started to fade to quick, so i gave up on it...ill try again with a different brand, different color perhaps. Suggestions are welcome. lol.
Now...to go off on a tangent.
People ask me often if im okay, and of course yes, i am…that’s always my answer, unless you know me better…and maybe one or two people that reads this actually does. It seems that no matter how bad my life gets, i keep trying to focus on the good parts of it.But sometimes, the bad stuff just overshadows the good for a while... Like the fact that my mother is actually trying to get better now. Shes not doing the best, and i see her get worse everyday. I dont open up...at all, but im scared for her, If she doesnt get this bariatric surgery in order to get her back surgery, she is going to die, and it will happen very soon. And the fact that she started to give up there for a while didnt help either. It just made things worse, and now that she is trying to get better, it is going to take a lot more work for her to fix everything that she screwed up. Even more so the relationship we had was strained. She was trying to get me to pay rent...im 17, and trying to save up for college, how else am i supposed to go? I sure as hell aren’t going to get in on my good looks...i dont think my looks would even get me into a community college...lol. And my grades are good, but not good enough for scholarships that will help a bunch. Well any who, we had a big fight about this, and i think she finally saw my point, that if i dont get a job, work my ass off, and start saving now, im not going to go to college. She went to college on grants because she had two kids, im not going to go ff and have a kid just to go to college, and im sure she doesn’t want that either. I don’t even really want kids....
Im getting to the point where I just want to save money to move out...but i dont want to leave her...i worry too much about her, if shes eating right, and making sure shes doing what shes supposed to be doing...not giving up again. If i move out, i know she will. she constantly lays the guilt trip on me , that im her only reason to live, and that if i leave her, what else will she do? well you know what, she has me, my brother, his fiancé...and a GRANDCHILD now. Its not just her. I think she needs to realize this, and every time i try to talk to her, she changes the subject, or gets hostile. sometimes, its enough to make me want to give up... I cant stand her boyfriend. He does nothing to help her. Its like…he doesn’t care. He goes out and buys a bunch of junk food that we don’t need, eats like 2-3 ice cram sandwiches, or ice cram cones at a time, and just, ugh….i wanna kick him in his head. I try to cook good meals. Like the other day, I baked chicken, breaded it myself(which isnt really hard, but it tastes great), and cooked asparagus and cheese…it was wonderful…but right after that, james comes into the living room with a pudding, ice cream cookie thing, and cheese its….yeah that’s a healthy snack! Geezus…its like hes trying to kill her off.
BLAHBLAHBLAH!!!!
Meh...but at least i know things WILL get better, and life does go on. Ive just lost too many people through out the last two years to lose my mother, i care about her alot, and realise she has given a lot up over the years for me and my brother, Its not our fault she had two kids though, and she doesnt have to make us feel guilty about it. Thats why my brother left home when he did, and thats what makes me want to leave. She complains about never having the money for anything, but doesnt want to try and do anything about it. Her little business doesnt make the money she spends to run it, it all goes right back into bills, then she goes off and spends money on something else she doesn’t need. … or her boyfriend James does…this is a whole different subject…
ANYWHO….
Lets see…
Alexxx-call me…or im me…I miss you, and our conversation last night was wonderful :)
Steph- e-mail me at jasmine_bloodrake@yahoo.com my hotmail account is dumb and doesn’t let me sign on at home
Heather Ann-call me, or come over sometime…
Ben- I love you, you’re a cool kid, but id cry if you shaved your head…so let the tears begin lol
If I forgot you im sorry…i love you, dont kill meh...but im tired, and just wrote a whole bunch….
sorry about the crappy-ness ending...but i spoke my mind...and it felt better. If anyone reads it all..i love you. lol. Take the time to comment as well if you read the whole thing...why not eh?
<3 April Lynne