(no subject)
I have come to the realization that i have no clue what i am doing. I have a job that i could be much more involved with and itd probably easier if i did. But all i can do is screw off because my boss has to have control over everything. I understand why i mean its his lively hood and everything but him wanting control is holding me back from showing off my potential. Then again i do not want to take the responsibility if a job goes south but I guess thats part of the job and something you have to deal with.
anyways I have zero motivation to do much of anything I guess smoking weed everyday will do that to you. I mean I do want to do things but when it comes down to it I have zero drive. I wish i had the vocabulary to explain how I feel about life. I mean here i am a human made up of parts, bones, cells, DNA, molecules, quirks. I can see whats smaller but we cannot see the larger picture here we are 6 billion of us working to be the best we can be and some people have advantages and some dont its not fair but its true. What is the point of being better than someone in the end every one of the 6 billion of us will die and new people and more of course will populate the earth. But what happens when we outgrow the earth do we move onto another planet do we solve a problem and stay on earth build big buildings and everything until we suffocate ourselves with our own greed. We are slowly eating away at our supplies I mean the earth is only made up of soo much you know. what happens when we run out. the value goes up on what we have. classes are seperated and we still run out of everything. We are on a crash course with ourselves.
thats not really what i wanted to write about. but Im lonely and depressed smoking weed and drinking coffee. Its upsetting to know that everyone dies. i mean my grandmother is on her way out. my father just retired and I want to get to know the man that supported me growing up and its hard knowing that i had to grow up without really knowing my dad. I guess i screwed that up by being mad at him most of my life. The worst part about that is he doesnt even know i was mad. maybe i should say something to him m but that wouldn't do anything but make things awkward. I mean i love the guy and id do anything for him but its different. I work on cars not because i love them well i do but I have friends and a father like figure that helps us. I mean the guy got me a job that pays be 60k a year and is helping me build a hot rod. and all he asks for in return is that we hang out and work on stuff together. I know he probably feels like i do. because we both work strange and long hours and have little time to spend with people we love so we spend it on things we love. I mean i give eveything i have to that car. I have nothing to show for what ive made in this last year besides that car. I guess you could say im on my own which is a big accomplishment even though it doesn't feel like it....I wish i brought my bong this bowl works but i got some shitty weed. Actually its really good but im in a bad mood and bong hits sound real good now. It feels good to write shit down even though i guess it doesnt matter to anyone cuz no one reads this any more but its a good way to get shit out of your head and onto something so you feel like you got it out you know. If you dont like my fire then dont come around cuz im gonna burn one down......yeaaaaa. i love this song. whats from the earth is of the greatest worth
its a blessing and not a curse. aww man this is good. and why i smoke weed. people who smoke are just more relaxed and understanding. its a cool feeling when you know you share a common thing with people. like this guy i work with when he doesnt smoke he is stressed to the max and it sux because then he stresses me out and that's not good. so he smokes weed and is easy going makes me have a good day and then i go smoke weed to celebrate since i kinda stopped drinking. not cuz i don't like getting drunk but its too slow and i feel sickly the next day i smoke weed i just do this : ) funny. typing to myself hahahah nice and this coffee is strong but wicked good man i cant wait till i can drive again. losing my license was the worst thing ive ever done. i have to rely on other people to get everywhere and it has definitely effected my work....i mean i cant even get a coffee in the morning to start my day...I love coffee and my work suffers because i don't have it...I'm tired and don't do much all morning and then its like 11 am and im all fucked up cuz I'm trying to figure out what i can do and cant focus on stuff. If i could smoke weed at work that'd b niiiice... id get a lot done because id be relaxed and wouldnt need to think about anything except what i was working on. of course i might forget what im working on which would suck but id feel good at least and wouldn't waste time.Mr. good bar : ) i wish i had one. no women no cry. I remember when we used to rock in the project in jersey. we hit the corner store. everything is gonna be alright. alright im done if anyone really reads this im sorry
anyways I have zero motivation to do much of anything I guess smoking weed everyday will do that to you. I mean I do want to do things but when it comes down to it I have zero drive. I wish i had the vocabulary to explain how I feel about life. I mean here i am a human made up of parts, bones, cells, DNA, molecules, quirks. I can see whats smaller but we cannot see the larger picture here we are 6 billion of us working to be the best we can be and some people have advantages and some dont its not fair but its true. What is the point of being better than someone in the end every one of the 6 billion of us will die and new people and more of course will populate the earth. But what happens when we outgrow the earth do we move onto another planet do we solve a problem and stay on earth build big buildings and everything until we suffocate ourselves with our own greed. We are slowly eating away at our supplies I mean the earth is only made up of soo much you know. what happens when we run out. the value goes up on what we have. classes are seperated and we still run out of everything. We are on a crash course with ourselves.
thats not really what i wanted to write about. but Im lonely and depressed smoking weed and drinking coffee. Its upsetting to know that everyone dies. i mean my grandmother is on her way out. my father just retired and I want to get to know the man that supported me growing up and its hard knowing that i had to grow up without really knowing my dad. I guess i screwed that up by being mad at him most of my life. The worst part about that is he doesnt even know i was mad. maybe i should say something to him m but that wouldn't do anything but make things awkward. I mean i love the guy and id do anything for him but its different. I work on cars not because i love them well i do but I have friends and a father like figure that helps us. I mean the guy got me a job that pays be 60k a year and is helping me build a hot rod. and all he asks for in return is that we hang out and work on stuff together. I know he probably feels like i do. because we both work strange and long hours and have little time to spend with people we love so we spend it on things we love. I mean i give eveything i have to that car. I have nothing to show for what ive made in this last year besides that car. I guess you could say im on my own which is a big accomplishment even though it doesn't feel like it....I wish i brought my bong this bowl works but i got some shitty weed. Actually its really good but im in a bad mood and bong hits sound real good now. It feels good to write shit down even though i guess it doesnt matter to anyone cuz no one reads this any more but its a good way to get shit out of your head and onto something so you feel like you got it out you know. If you dont like my fire then dont come around cuz im gonna burn one down......yeaaaaa. i love this song. whats from the earth is of the greatest worth
its a blessing and not a curse. aww man this is good. and why i smoke weed. people who smoke are just more relaxed and understanding. its a cool feeling when you know you share a common thing with people. like this guy i work with when he doesnt smoke he is stressed to the max and it sux because then he stresses me out and that's not good. so he smokes weed and is easy going makes me have a good day and then i go smoke weed to celebrate since i kinda stopped drinking. not cuz i don't like getting drunk but its too slow and i feel sickly the next day i smoke weed i just do this : ) funny. typing to myself hahahah nice and this coffee is strong but wicked good man i cant wait till i can drive again. losing my license was the worst thing ive ever done. i have to rely on other people to get everywhere and it has definitely effected my work....i mean i cant even get a coffee in the morning to start my day...I love coffee and my work suffers because i don't have it...I'm tired and don't do much all morning and then its like 11 am and im all fucked up cuz I'm trying to figure out what i can do and cant focus on stuff. If i could smoke weed at work that'd b niiiice... id get a lot done because id be relaxed and wouldnt need to think about anything except what i was working on. of course i might forget what im working on which would suck but id feel good at least and wouldn't waste time.Mr. good bar : ) i wish i had one. no women no cry. I remember when we used to rock in the project in jersey. we hit the corner store. everything is gonna be alright. alright im done if anyone really reads this im sorry