parents? or children..

[helovehislamb]

sometimes, i don't blame myself for looking down on my parents. i know i ought not to. i know it's disrespectful of me. it's haughty of me. to think that i could be a better parent, better example. fair enough, didn't get to receive sufficient education therefore it secures you the license to be a mediocre parent? no! choosing to have children gives you the the privilege to step up to responsibility, accountability, pick up skills to groom and to bring up gifts given to you. having children is not a mistake in your planning. being a parent is the start of selflessness and limiting of your selfishness. i'll give it to you when you try, but when you don't even consider the fact that you bloodyhell have children each time you get yourself into that mess, then why did you have children in the first place! don't give me the excuse of "miss you" or "if i get that money, we can all..." you think after all these years and all the second chances, i can still believe in those lies? promises after promises. i Chose to believe, not because i'm gullible, not because i'm dumb, but because i wanted you to know your family, the people you chose to start a close circle of life together with, will support you as you turn over a new leaf. i want to believe again, but you can't just take that as nothing, that time and time again i will overlook it because even if i will, i might/could/should not. and by then, who else would you have by you when you retire. wake up your bloody idea please. i'm sick and tired of acting stupid and putting up a happy front ifo you. i'm sick and tired of having to be the one trying to make this family work. im sick and tired of being alone in this. everytime i move one step forward, you push me three steps back. if i could only make you stand there and watch me move forward by ten.

my friends tell me i think too much for my own good, can i not? if i can claim independence. maybe you'd wake up. can't you understand that no one is freaking making you pay alr, just. stop. adding negatives. to. it!! at this rate, i might just end up being a swim teacher for life. and i will not thank you. ever.