Fuck Life
So, how's everyone's life? Good...good...
I like Bethy's bunnies. Poor lil bunners with his ears nibbled off...I saw that pic and just about cried. Then I went and gave my bunny an extra snack because I love him and he's soft even though his nails need cut and he likes to scratch my arms.
But aside from that, I'm going through another one of my contemplative times in life. (I know, everyone's like, "not another one!") But yeah, sorry kids. It's just that I've been thinking an awful lot. Been thinking about how much I lost in just about every aspect of my life. I lost love, friends, some hope, faith, and any kind of drive I once had to be a successful human being. Most importantly is the love aspect. Don't get me wrong, Vinnie is great to me. He treats me well and knows how to handle a basket case like me (even though he doesn't like to hold hands *wink*). But he's not DJ. A first love will always hit you hard, and I'm just realizing how much I really fucked him over. Am I a horrible person? I'll never know if he could ever forgive me. I want so much to talk to him. I've feared a lot of things in this life (driving on a free-way, parallel parking on a one way street, pooping in a public bathroom, and failing math to name a few) but I've never been more afraid then when I'm looking at the damn phone and debating on if I should try to call him or not. He'd prolly hang up on me anyways. I can't help but hope that he wouldn't do that, and then I remember what I did, and hope is gone. Dear god is he reads this, know that I miss you. Know that I think of you, I mention you in daily conversation, know that Jenny and Renee miss you too, know that my parents really did like you, know that you were right...intentions are not what they always seem to be...
As far as friends are concerned...well...that goes without saying really. You fuck up like I did and there are gonna be a lot of people putting you on their shit-list. Those of you who said, "hey, it's your life, your choices" and still talked to me...horray. It's suprising who will talk to you and who won't. I was a bit suprised...
The rest of the stuff I mentioned earlier, maybe I'll write about that stoof later on. I think I've written enough deep and emotionally poo-ish things for one day. I'll leave you with a pic of mah bunners...or what he looks like anyways...
Go here:
http://www.monadnockhumanesociety.org/images/adopt-black-rabbit.jpg
I like Bethy's bunnies. Poor lil bunners with his ears nibbled off...I saw that pic and just about cried. Then I went and gave my bunny an extra snack because I love him and he's soft even though his nails need cut and he likes to scratch my arms.
But aside from that, I'm going through another one of my contemplative times in life. (I know, everyone's like, "not another one!") But yeah, sorry kids. It's just that I've been thinking an awful lot. Been thinking about how much I lost in just about every aspect of my life. I lost love, friends, some hope, faith, and any kind of drive I once had to be a successful human being. Most importantly is the love aspect. Don't get me wrong, Vinnie is great to me. He treats me well and knows how to handle a basket case like me (even though he doesn't like to hold hands *wink*). But he's not DJ. A first love will always hit you hard, and I'm just realizing how much I really fucked him over. Am I a horrible person? I'll never know if he could ever forgive me. I want so much to talk to him. I've feared a lot of things in this life (driving on a free-way, parallel parking on a one way street, pooping in a public bathroom, and failing math to name a few) but I've never been more afraid then when I'm looking at the damn phone and debating on if I should try to call him or not. He'd prolly hang up on me anyways. I can't help but hope that he wouldn't do that, and then I remember what I did, and hope is gone. Dear god is he reads this, know that I miss you. Know that I think of you, I mention you in daily conversation, know that Jenny and Renee miss you too, know that my parents really did like you, know that you were right...intentions are not what they always seem to be...
As far as friends are concerned...well...that goes without saying really. You fuck up like I did and there are gonna be a lot of people putting you on their shit-list. Those of you who said, "hey, it's your life, your choices" and still talked to me...horray. It's suprising who will talk to you and who won't. I was a bit suprised...
The rest of the stuff I mentioned earlier, maybe I'll write about that stoof later on. I think I've written enough deep and emotionally poo-ish things for one day. I'll leave you with a pic of mah bunners...or what he looks like anyways...
Go here:
http://www.monadnockhumanesociety.org/images/adopt-black-rabbit.jpg
