(no subject)
even you know I have an increadable boyfriend...I cant stop thinking that great things never last...so I keep holding back, I'm afraid to get hurt again. I love daniel and it scares me.
in other news..latly I feel like shit..I have one more final that i have to get though today at 2:00 then I'm done until the the summer classes start. I'm trying to get the guts to call Dr. Hardy. I wanted to do it last night while I was in the middle of big break down but I think that would have been to much. it would have most likly scare her into calling the cops to take me to ridge view or something. she hasnt answered my e-mail but she did tell me that her computer was down, so I guess this is a test for me. If this is something that I really want than I have to go get myself. ::sigh:: I almost cut last night but something stopped me I think it was the taught of daniel, what would he say if he saw new cuts?
last night I really scared myself but I got though it with out having to cut...I sat in my closet something I havent done in a long time. I just sat there with the door closed rocking back and forth, crying. everything was blury. I couldnt hear, I couldnt see, I couldnt breath. thanking about it now I wonder how I got though that with out cutting, but I did and that shows me that if I can get though a break down with out a cut than I should be able to get though everyday. I'm starting to learn that this whole cutting thing never really worked in the first place. all it did was leave memories (scares) of the very thing I was trying to cut away. its stupid, its pointless all it does is make thangs worse. people that cut themself are stupid...
in other news..latly I feel like shit..I have one more final that i have to get though today at 2:00 then I'm done until the the summer classes start. I'm trying to get the guts to call Dr. Hardy. I wanted to do it last night while I was in the middle of big break down but I think that would have been to much. it would have most likly scare her into calling the cops to take me to ridge view or something. she hasnt answered my e-mail but she did tell me that her computer was down, so I guess this is a test for me. If this is something that I really want than I have to go get myself. ::sigh:: I almost cut last night but something stopped me I think it was the taught of daniel, what would he say if he saw new cuts?
last night I really scared myself but I got though it with out having to cut...I sat in my closet something I havent done in a long time. I just sat there with the door closed rocking back and forth, crying. everything was blury. I couldnt hear, I couldnt see, I couldnt breath. thanking about it now I wonder how I got though that with out cutting, but I did and that shows me that if I can get though a break down with out a cut than I should be able to get though everyday. I'm starting to learn that this whole cutting thing never really worked in the first place. all it did was leave memories (scares) of the very thing I was trying to cut away. its stupid, its pointless all it does is make thangs worse. people that cut themself are stupid...