i don't know where to begin....
i think i might need some help. that's actually very hard for me to say, sometimes i have the pride of a man but i don't think that i can deal with this anymore. i think i might have a mental issue or something...i'm not a doctor so i cannot say.
it goes like this....
i'm not healthy. i tell everyone that i am and that i'm doing fine...it's a lie. i say it so that people won't worry about me and maybe so that i won't worry myself. once again i'm no doctor so i'm i'm not sure. it's like...i know i'm diabetic. i know what i can and cannot eat and for the most part i do fine with that. but like i still don't do everything that i should. i know i should, i tell myself that i should but i don't. and i just don't get it. it's not that i don't care, i do. i want to be healthy, i want to live a long life but the way i'm going about things now will really hurt me in the future. i know all of this yet i still don't do it! am i just being lazy or is there something wrong with me? it makes me sad to think that at age 19 i still need someone to constantly tell me what is right and wrong. someone to tell me no and pretty much make my decisions for me. i'm 19, an adult, i should be able to take care of myself.
i don't know. i've been through this before. over the summer i finally came clean to my parents about being unhealthy and not taking care of myself. they sent me to a therapist. she told me i was fine. nothing to worry about. i'm not depressed (though i could have told you that) but she never told anything more.
i want to talk to my aunt about it and see what she thinks, she is a doctor maybe she can help. perhaps i am depressed and i can hide it very well? i really don't know. i'm trying to do better and that's no lie. part of me hopes that after i talk to her she will turn around and call my mom. tell her everything then maybe she can tell me what to do. it seems that i need that...i guess. worst comes to worst i'll just get another lecture about my health. there will be yelling and crying and arguing. i'll tell them that i know but do i really?
i am really confused.....