(no subject)
I saw him a few days ago. I can't say it was entirely unpleasant; quite the opposite. He is nothing like I remember him to be, like I've always known him to be. The man I saw was quiet, calm, mature and deep-thinking. He apologized for how he had treated me for the approximately 15 years he has been in and out of my life. I graciously accepted. He admitted that his treatment of me was terrible and I looked away, a silent pinch of my lips the only indication that I agreed.
We agreed on terms in regards of our girls. He accepted the child support plan that is to be put into effect come April. I told him I would not push the issue if he cannot pay, I was not here to rob him. I simply want help in rearing the girls he created with me. I forgave any retroactive pay and agreed to start anew, beginning next month. I also told him I didn't expect any form of payment for a long while; I know he needs to get back on his feet and find a job.
He was agreeable and accepting of all the terms we (the lawyer and I) proposed. His only wish is to continue to be a part of the girls' lives, and I gently reminded him that I have never, ever withheld them from him. It was his choices, and his alone, that created this huge chasm between them and he. He acknowledged this as a fact and made a sincere promise of living life on the straight path, making the girls his priority.
After all was said and done, I collected the girls from their locations and brought them to a nearby McDonald's for what was originally supposed to be a brief visit. Zoya was silent and hesitant. She focused most of her attention on a mutual friend of ours. Her jaw was tight, her lips pinched. I knew she was fighting an internal battle, fighting the tears that threatened to spill over. In so many ways, she is just like me, always holding in our pain, anger and frustration, until it boils over in explosive charges. Also, her perpetual hard-headness was evident, in full force, a trait she shares with her biological father.
Zara, of course, was shy and quiet at first, trying to understand how she went from the only daddy she has ever known, to two daddies. She called him her "other daddy" and slowly began to warm up to him. He and she moved on to the playground, where he watched her in rapt attention, beaming over every little nuances and mishaps that usually follows her around. I left them alone, checking in every so often.
After a couple of hours, I told them it was time for the visit to end. Zara immediately cried and Zoya was more than happy to gather her things and head for the car. I could see the pain in his eyes as he watched her walk away but he also knew he is the reason for her aloofness, hiding deep pain behind her dark eyes, refusing to let him see her weakness.
The whole thing is very new to all of us. Lyle is not happy with the thought of the man having visitation rights. He does not want him anywhere near his property, but he might not have much of a choice in the near future. Zoya prefers to keep their contact to a minimum and Zara wants to see her "other daddy" again. I... Well, I have mixed feelings about the whole thing. I have yet to figure out what it is I felt and am feeling. I am sure that given enough time, I will be able to decipher the seemingly senseless mixture of emotions inside me.
Things might not be as simple anymore...
We agreed on terms in regards of our girls. He accepted the child support plan that is to be put into effect come April. I told him I would not push the issue if he cannot pay, I was not here to rob him. I simply want help in rearing the girls he created with me. I forgave any retroactive pay and agreed to start anew, beginning next month. I also told him I didn't expect any form of payment for a long while; I know he needs to get back on his feet and find a job.
He was agreeable and accepting of all the terms we (the lawyer and I) proposed. His only wish is to continue to be a part of the girls' lives, and I gently reminded him that I have never, ever withheld them from him. It was his choices, and his alone, that created this huge chasm between them and he. He acknowledged this as a fact and made a sincere promise of living life on the straight path, making the girls his priority.
After all was said and done, I collected the girls from their locations and brought them to a nearby McDonald's for what was originally supposed to be a brief visit. Zoya was silent and hesitant. She focused most of her attention on a mutual friend of ours. Her jaw was tight, her lips pinched. I knew she was fighting an internal battle, fighting the tears that threatened to spill over. In so many ways, she is just like me, always holding in our pain, anger and frustration, until it boils over in explosive charges. Also, her perpetual hard-headness was evident, in full force, a trait she shares with her biological father.
Zara, of course, was shy and quiet at first, trying to understand how she went from the only daddy she has ever known, to two daddies. She called him her "other daddy" and slowly began to warm up to him. He and she moved on to the playground, where he watched her in rapt attention, beaming over every little nuances and mishaps that usually follows her around. I left them alone, checking in every so often.
After a couple of hours, I told them it was time for the visit to end. Zara immediately cried and Zoya was more than happy to gather her things and head for the car. I could see the pain in his eyes as he watched her walk away but he also knew he is the reason for her aloofness, hiding deep pain behind her dark eyes, refusing to let him see her weakness.
The whole thing is very new to all of us. Lyle is not happy with the thought of the man having visitation rights. He does not want him anywhere near his property, but he might not have much of a choice in the near future. Zoya prefers to keep their contact to a minimum and Zara wants to see her "other daddy" again. I... Well, I have mixed feelings about the whole thing. I have yet to figure out what it is I felt and am feeling. I am sure that given enough time, I will be able to decipher the seemingly senseless mixture of emotions inside me.
Things might not be as simple anymore...