(no subject)
you know nothing matters anymore. no one seems to care bout shit anymore. my own gf goes and sets shopin and lettin her friend use her phone before callin me, then she goes and makes me wait when i was gonna show her how shitty my day has been then she acts like she cares... i mean, does she really care? or is it that she doesnt care but is tryin to act like it. im usualy pretty good at pickin out lies, but it seems like she does care, but she doesnt show it.
so here i sit, in pain, emotionaly and in the body. i hurt myself again t-day, big surprise right? well not that anyone gives a shit what happens to me besides my eldest brother, his fiance debbie, and the rest of my family aka mom and dad. i cut myself t-day on a windshield and i thought bout gettin gloves on, i said na, ill be more carefull. guess what. i cut myself again, in the same spot, but this time much worse... much worse. the bleeding took bout 5 minutes to stop, at that time i wraped the wound and finished workin. you know, im really glad that i went to boy scouts. sure i got called names like a fag for doin it, but im damn proud of it. if i didnt go into boy scouts, i think i would be goin to the hospital more. i should go at times, but i fix my own wounds. i trust my own medical procedure. ill go when i need to. anyways, back on topic. so i worked for an extra hour with the cut, i should say gash, to the right hand jus below the knuckel to the pinkey. how sad is that. i rewraped my hand not long ago and i feel the pain. its not bleeding, thank god, but im almost to the point where i am typing with one hand.
i have it bad at times, i really do. but then i stop and look around me and look at what i do have. i have a house, laptop, so on so forth. the thing that i have the most is family. family can not be bought. its somethin your born into. i know some ppl say well you can adopt. thats not true family, thats a sub family, a lie that is played out well. jus the other day i went out for a quick bite to eat. as i was walkin in to the coney island, i noticed a guy walkin around outside in the cold. i wondered what was wrong till he came up to me. at this time i was scared. i thought he was gonna do somethin to kill me or try to. he asked if i had any bottles that he can have. sadly, i had none. i said to him "i dont have bottles, but i was gonna stop in for a bite to eat. are ya hungry?" the man said na, he's ok, i asked if he was sure? at least a cup of coffee or somethin. so he took up on the offer. we sat down and we ordered. he started with a cup of coffee and i ordered my usual. we didnt say much at first, but then he asked if he could order somethin. i told him to go for it. well, long story short, he did order some food and we talked for a bit. he gave me the speach bout how i shouldnt waste my life like he did. i felt bad for him. i wish i could do more, but alas, i couldnt. he was greatful for the food and hot drink, but after that, he went back out and tryed to get more bottles i guess by walkin gratiot. it makes me sad knowin that ppl are out there like him tryin to get a helpin hand and nothin in return. now this is a true story. believe me if ya want, dont if ya dont want to. i can be an asshole, but those that know me as well know i can be the nicest guy around. i was named nick for a reason. after my grandfather which my parents always said he was really nice to ya and would give the shirt off of his back for ya. thats another topic though that i wont be talkin bout. well, im not expectin anyone to read this, or even care for what i have to say. all i have to say is im tired, in pain, and wanting to get away from it all. one day that will happen. but for now, ill jus crawl into bed, close my eyes, let the tear fall and go to sleep. ill wake up and start a new day, like i always do. every day on this side of the grass is a good one. ive said it, and even the homeless guy with nothing, not even family, said it.
so here i sit, in pain, emotionaly and in the body. i hurt myself again t-day, big surprise right? well not that anyone gives a shit what happens to me besides my eldest brother, his fiance debbie, and the rest of my family aka mom and dad. i cut myself t-day on a windshield and i thought bout gettin gloves on, i said na, ill be more carefull. guess what. i cut myself again, in the same spot, but this time much worse... much worse. the bleeding took bout 5 minutes to stop, at that time i wraped the wound and finished workin. you know, im really glad that i went to boy scouts. sure i got called names like a fag for doin it, but im damn proud of it. if i didnt go into boy scouts, i think i would be goin to the hospital more. i should go at times, but i fix my own wounds. i trust my own medical procedure. ill go when i need to. anyways, back on topic. so i worked for an extra hour with the cut, i should say gash, to the right hand jus below the knuckel to the pinkey. how sad is that. i rewraped my hand not long ago and i feel the pain. its not bleeding, thank god, but im almost to the point where i am typing with one hand.
i have it bad at times, i really do. but then i stop and look around me and look at what i do have. i have a house, laptop, so on so forth. the thing that i have the most is family. family can not be bought. its somethin your born into. i know some ppl say well you can adopt. thats not true family, thats a sub family, a lie that is played out well. jus the other day i went out for a quick bite to eat. as i was walkin in to the coney island, i noticed a guy walkin around outside in the cold. i wondered what was wrong till he came up to me. at this time i was scared. i thought he was gonna do somethin to kill me or try to. he asked if i had any bottles that he can have. sadly, i had none. i said to him "i dont have bottles, but i was gonna stop in for a bite to eat. are ya hungry?" the man said na, he's ok, i asked if he was sure? at least a cup of coffee or somethin. so he took up on the offer. we sat down and we ordered. he started with a cup of coffee and i ordered my usual. we didnt say much at first, but then he asked if he could order somethin. i told him to go for it. well, long story short, he did order some food and we talked for a bit. he gave me the speach bout how i shouldnt waste my life like he did. i felt bad for him. i wish i could do more, but alas, i couldnt. he was greatful for the food and hot drink, but after that, he went back out and tryed to get more bottles i guess by walkin gratiot. it makes me sad knowin that ppl are out there like him tryin to get a helpin hand and nothin in return. now this is a true story. believe me if ya want, dont if ya dont want to. i can be an asshole, but those that know me as well know i can be the nicest guy around. i was named nick for a reason. after my grandfather which my parents always said he was really nice to ya and would give the shirt off of his back for ya. thats another topic though that i wont be talkin bout. well, im not expectin anyone to read this, or even care for what i have to say. all i have to say is im tired, in pain, and wanting to get away from it all. one day that will happen. but for now, ill jus crawl into bed, close my eyes, let the tear fall and go to sleep. ill wake up and start a new day, like i always do. every day on this side of the grass is a good one. ive said it, and even the homeless guy with nothing, not even family, said it.